Drinks with female colleague

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No why would I care if he went for drinks for 2hrs with a colleague?

I can’t imagine this stressing someone out.

Frankly, unless it’s one of my work friends who has become a close personal friend, I would try to make it 2+ colleagues. I just left a toxic work environment, and I don’t have a lot of innate trust for people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

DH’s affair started with “just a drink.” Thought we had a great marriage. The trust is there until someone pulls the rug out from underneath you.

[Anonymous]

One drink, for an hour, no. More over 2+ hours, definitely. What does he do? I can’t imagine why this would be necessary 1:1 with a colleague:

[Anonymous]

This is a little different - but I'm a woman who usually travels for work once a quarter, and given my field, most my colleagues are men. I usually meet up with other people travelling from out of town for drinks the night we arrive, and sometimes it's just me and one other male colleague. Nothing remotely sketchy has ever happened, but I guess the premise is a little different. We are taking advantage of travel to catch up in person (otherwise on Teams all day working from home) which is nice to do, and we are already in a different city without family obligations.

I guess I honestly couldn't say that I'd feel the need to set up drinks with one male colleague that I work with onsite just for fun. There's plenty of opportunities to chat at work already. Maybe only if something dysfunctional or weird is happening at work and I needed to vent or get some advice?

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with that. But some people would, and many people would argue it means nothing and is fine.

Personally, I try to network with men during the work day, not at night, and with no alcohol involved. Coffee or lunch. Pref coffee because that is more non date like unlike a meal.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t do it because I’m a woman in a male dominated field and really don’t want to deal with gossip. My husband probably has hand dinner or drinks with opposite gender coworkers in the past while traveling. If he was saying he was too busy to go on a date with me but making time for someone else I’d be annoyed/worried about it. It’s all in the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

DH’s affair started with “just a drink.” Thought we had a great marriage. The trust is there until someone pulls the rug out from underneath you.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

You sound unabashedly naive. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

DH’s affair started with “just a drink.” Thought we had a great marriage. The trust is there until someone pulls the rug out from underneath you.

Same

Yeah but, what would be the lesson here? If you had caused some sort of scene over the drink it would have saved your marriage? The point is that trust is held by both people. You can’t hold your DH’s end for him by forbidding him to get drinks with a coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

DH’s affair started with “just a drink.” Thought we had a great marriage. The trust is there until someone pulls the rug out from underneath you.

So are you saying that telling your spouse that he couldn’t go out for a drink would have saved your marriage? If not, what ARE you saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

You sound unabashedly naive. Good luck with that.

Thanks, but no luck is needed. Well, maybe a tiny bit mixed with some real work. We’ve been together 30 years. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

You sound unabashedly naive. Good luck with that.

Thanks, but no luck is needed. Well, maybe a tiny bit mixed with some real work. We’ve been together 30 years. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Op did not provide a lot of detail. She may very well have reasons for her concerns. It’s very condescending to act as if you’re Teflon since you’ve done “some real work.” Other people have done real work and marriages still fail. are you suggesting that if people’s instincts are telling them something is wrong, those instincts should be ignored? Instincts can kick in when “small stuff” is actually something bigger.

[Anonymous]

I would not be happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

DH’s affair started with “just a drink.” Thought we had a great marriage. The trust is there until someone pulls the rug out from underneath you.

So are you saying that telling your spouse that he couldn’t go out for a drink would have saved your marriage? If not, what ARE you saying?

My DH was an adult with agency. He was going to do what he wanted to; however, I wish I had come to grips with the reality sooner, as in when little things started happening that struck me as off for him. Instead I told myself infidelity would never happen. Reading a PP say “grow up” and “it’s just a drink” sounds a lot like what a cheater would say to mask their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I trust my wife completely. It wouldn't bother me.

I don’t trust my husband so you should be worried. Lol