Drinks with female colleague

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d not be fine with this at all. Either the coworker will start to look good, the old “we were friends until” that is fine if two people are single, or the person starts to view their spouse as a nag because you do need to talk about household things and because spouses will ask things of you that nobody else will. “Hey, the towel bar fell off again, did you call the handyman” isn’t something a coworker will ever say to you.
I trust my husband just fine, I’m also not going to be happy if he essentially went out on a date with another woman which is what “drinks with a female coworker” is. Plus, why would anybody want to mix work and alcohol and by work I mean the people you work with. Way too risky in 2023.

+1. I agree with this. Also, in terms of the alcohol thing, it’s one thing for a department/team/group to have drinks together at a holiday party etc. One on one drinks are inherently more intimate and it is a date like setting.

Your spouse probably doesn’t tell you that they go out to lunch, dinner or drinks alone with women. How will you even know? My male coworkers msg me on weekends, on vacations, in the evenings and I bet their wives don’t know either. Just this week my one coworker was on vacation with his family and he sent me a picture of something he thought I would like that he saw at a store. I doubt his wife knows I even exist.

Well, yeah, your spouse could very well be sneaking around behind your back. The question is would you feel comfortable with your spouse spending hours out drinking with a coworker of the opposite sex. No, you can’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen but, my answer is, no, I would not feel comfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d not be fine with this at all. Either the coworker will start to look good, the old “we were friends until” that is fine if two people are single, or the person starts to view their spouse as a nag because you do need to talk about household things and because spouses will ask things of you that nobody else will. “Hey, the towel bar fell off again, did you call the handyman” isn’t something a coworker will ever say to you.
I trust my husband just fine, I’m also not going to be happy if he essentially went out on a date with another woman which is what “drinks with a female coworker” is. Plus, why would anybody want to mix work and alcohol and by work I mean the people you work with. Way too risky in 2023.

+1. I agree with this. Also, in terms of the alcohol thing, it’s one thing for a department/team/group to have drinks together at a holiday party etc. One on one drinks are inherently more intimate and it is a date like setting.

Your spouse probably doesn’t tell you that they go out to lunch, dinner or drinks alone with women. How will you even know? My male coworkers msg me on weekends, on vacations, in the evenings and I bet their wives don’t know either. Just this week my one coworker was on vacation with his family and he sent me a picture of something he thought I would like that he saw at a store. I doubt his wife knows I even exist.

Well, yeah, your spouse could very well be sneaking around behind your back. The question is would you feel comfortable with your spouse spending hours out drinking with a coworker of the opposite sex. No, you can’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen but, my answer is, no, I would not feel comfortable with it.

The point is your spouse is already spending hours with a coworker of the opposite sex and you feeling comfortable about it plays no role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

Yes, super weird. Also, sharing the bed is super weird.

[Anonymous]

depends on the colleague-do I know them, have I socialized with them, do they see each other all the time at work, or is this a colleague they hardly ever see anymore and they are catching up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d not be fine with this at all. Either the coworker will start to look good, the old “we were friends until” that is fine if two people are single, or the person starts to view their spouse as a nag because you do need to talk about household things and because spouses will ask things of you that nobody else will. “Hey, the towel bar fell off again, did you call the handyman” isn’t something a coworker will ever say to you.
I trust my husband just fine, I’m also not going to be happy if he essentially went out on a date with another woman which is what “drinks with a female coworker” is. Plus, why would anybody want to mix work and alcohol and by work I mean the people you work with. Way too risky in 2023.

+1. I agree with this. Also, in terms of the alcohol thing, it’s one thing for a department/team/group to have drinks together at a holiday party etc. One on one drinks are inherently more intimate and it is a date like setting.

Your spouse probably doesn’t tell you that they go out to lunch, dinner or drinks alone with women. How will you even know? My male coworkers msg me on weekends, on vacations, in the evenings and I bet their wives don’t know either. Just this week my one coworker was on vacation with his family and he sent me a picture of something he thought I would like that he saw at a store. I doubt his wife knows I even exist.

Well, yeah, your spouse could very well be sneaking around behind your back. The question is would you feel comfortable with your spouse spending hours out drinking with a coworker of the opposite sex. No, you can’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen but, my answer is, no, I would not feel comfortable with it.

The point is your spouse is already spending hours with a coworker of the opposite sex and you feeling comfortable about it plays no role.

I’m not sure I understand your point. I do feel comfortable with my spouse working at the office with opposite sex colleagues. In response to OPs question, I would not feel comfortable in most cases with them spending free time in the evenings drinking with an opposite sex colleague.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d not be fine with this at all. Either the coworker will start to look good, the old “we were friends until” that is fine if two people are single, or the person starts to view their spouse as a nag because you do need to talk about household things and because spouses will ask things of you that nobody else will. “Hey, the towel bar fell off again, did you call the handyman” isn’t something a coworker will ever say to you.
I trust my husband just fine, I’m also not going to be happy if he essentially went out on a date with another woman which is what “drinks with a female coworker” is. Plus, why would anybody want to mix work and alcohol and by work I mean the people you work with. Way too risky in 2023.

+1. I agree with this. Also, in terms of the alcohol thing, it’s one thing for a department/team/group to have drinks together at a holiday party etc. One on one drinks are inherently more intimate and it is a date like setting.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

One time I had to lay on a coworker who was naked. I was afraid the ceiling was going to fall on her and cut into her bare skin. I felt like I had to do something, so I laid on top of her to protect her, but I also undressed because I didn't want her to feel weird being the only one who was undressed. The little missus understood.
'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

One time I had to lay on a coworker who was naked. I was afraid the ceiling was going to fall on her and cut into her bare skin. I felt like I had to do something, so I laid on top of her to protect her, but I also undressed because I didn't want her to feel weird being the only one who was undressed. The little missus understood.
'

Society needs more selfless workers like you. True sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

One time I had to lay on a coworker who was naked. I was afraid the ceiling was going to fall on her and cut into her bare skin. I felt like I had to do something, so I laid on top of her to protect her, but I also undressed because I didn't want her to feel weird being the only one who was undressed. The little missus understood.
'

Society needs more selfless workers like you. True sacrifice.

It was just right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drinks with more than one business associate is okay.

Drinks with one business associate of the opposite sex is not okay.

I mean, this is nuts. A large part of my job is taking strange men out to dinner and drinks. If I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t do my job.

What field are you in?

Business development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

One time I had to lay on a coworker who was naked. I was afraid the ceiling was going to fall on her and cut into her bare skin. I felt like I had to do something, so I laid on top of her to protect her, but I also undressed because I didn't want her to feel weird being the only one who was undressed. The little missus understood.
'

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Held hands with a colleague for the ten block walk to our hotel after a dinner meeting, we said goodbye in the elevator and never spoke about it or did it again.

My DH told me a similar thing happened to him but his coworker was so drunk so he helped her back to her room but she passed out and was snoring but he laid down next to her, fully clothed and nothing happened, just because he was worried she’d vomit. He’s avoiding heavy drinking with coworkers out of town now.

that is super weird. like telling your spouse that you had to hold your coworker to keep her warm because heater wasn't working.

One time I had to lay on a coworker who was naked. I was afraid the ceiling was going to fall on her and cut into her bare skin. I felt like I had to do something, so I laid on top of her to protect her, but I also undressed because I didn't want her to feel weird being the only one who was undressed. The little missus understood.
'

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear nothing.

Some keep their eye masks on, though. True professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d not be fine with this at all. Either the coworker will start to look good, the old “we were friends until” that is fine if two people are single, or the person starts to view their spouse as a nag because you do need to talk about household things and because spouses will ask things of you that nobody else will. “Hey, the towel bar fell off again, did you call the handyman” isn’t something a coworker will ever say to you.
I trust my husband just fine, I’m also not going to be happy if he essentially went out on a date with another woman which is what “drinks with a female coworker” is. Plus, why would anybody want to mix work and alcohol and by work I mean the people you work with. Way too risky in 2023.

+1. I agree with this. Also, in terms of the alcohol thing, it’s one thing for a department/team/group to have drinks together at a holiday party etc. One on one drinks are inherently more intimate and it is a date like setting.

Your spouse probably doesn’t tell you that they go out to lunch, dinner or drinks alone with women. How will you even know? My male coworkers msg me on weekends, on vacations, in the evenings and I bet their wives don’t know either. Just this week my one coworker was on vacation with his family and he sent me a picture of something he thought I would like that he saw at a store. I doubt his wife knows I even exist.

Well, yeah, your spouse could very well be sneaking around behind your back. The question is would you feel comfortable with your spouse spending hours out drinking with a coworker of the opposite sex. No, you can’t guarantee it wouldn’t happen but, my answer is, no, I would not feel comfortable with it.

The point is your spouse is already spending hours with a coworker of the opposite sex and you feeling comfortable about it plays no role.

I’m not sure I understand your point. I do feel comfortable with my spouse working at the office with opposite sex colleagues. In response to OPs question, I would not feel comfortable in most cases with them spending free time in the evenings drinking with an opposite sex colleague.

You can become super close to a coworker and cross boundaries without ever going out for drinks alone. Be worried about your spouse working closely with attractive women if you want to worry.