Asked my husband for some basic things for mothers day - now he'll be spending most of the weekend with his parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

Because she asked for him to do all of the cleaning on Saturday so they could have family time on Sunday, but now he’s likely not going to do the cleaning on Saturday because of the visit, so it either won’t get done or dh will be doing it on Sunday instead of enjoying family time or OP has to do it. FIL couldn’t get dh to do his bidding until he used 90+ granny as a pawn because every holiday, no matter how minor, could be her last one.

It’s a valid reason for OP’s husband to visit.

That’s why FIL set it up yesterday. Nothing else was working so he needed more leverage.

I bet Grandma doesn't even show up! J/K dh is wrong but it's doubtful fil is that manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

Guessing you are a boomer who thinks cleaning is womens work. The OP has spent the past Saturdays doing all the cleaning herself so DH can go fishing. Her ask was for him to do it this one weekend on Sat so they could all have a nice Mother’s Day together.

But hey it’s time for THE GRANNY SHOW. Holy cow, there can’t be a weekend where her son and grandson spend time appreciating the DIL. Good grief what about GRANNy? She’s the center of the universe! Cut to scene with granny getting grampy to fix this debacle! Grampy isn’t being successful bullying his son into understanding that granny comes first damn it. Granny decides to call in the big guns and force her mom great granny to schlep down. This works! Yeah, DIL has been shown that she is always second to GRANNY. Happy GRANNY.

You’re unhinged and hysterical. Pop a Xanax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC. Can we just cancel Mother’s Day? Every year, the same avalanche of whining.

Mothers used to feel satisfied with a plaster handprint from their child and some overcooked eggs as part of breakfast in bed.

Now nagging the DH into submission to clean the house to perfection while he ignores his own mother is part of the deal, apparently.

His mother clearly has a husband who is able to do her bidding. He can celebrate her

Mother’s Day is for children to appreciate their mothers. I have adult children. They can take my DW to breakfast or whatever. Why is it DH’s job?

Because her children are not adults! F you have adult children, it’s insane that you expect to be celebrated. I will never pull this crap on my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

Seriously! Wtf does no one notice the glaring point that DH’s grandmother will be visiting AND DH is giving her a day to herself AND OP still managed to managed to make it about her? This is really self-focused.

Because she asked for him to do all of the cleaning on Saturday so they could have family time on Sunday, but now he’s likely not going to do the cleaning on Saturday because of the visit, so it either won’t get done or dh will be doing it on Sunday instead of enjoying family time or OP has to do it. FIL couldn’t get dh to do his bidding until he used 90+ granny as a pawn because every holiday, no matter how minor, could be her last one.

It’s a valid reason for OP’s husband to visit.

That’s why FIL set it up yesterday. Nothing else was working so he needed more leverage.

I bet Grandma doesn't even show up! J/K dh is wrong but it's doubtful fil is that manipulative.

No evidence FIL set it up and there is nothing wrong with DH spending the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend with his mom and grandma. It doesn’t interfere with OP’s holiday on SUNDAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

It isn’t grandparent’s day and no one is claiming that. OP’s husband is with his mom, who is with her mom. OP’s husband is kindly taking his kid with him so OP can enjoy her Saturday. Win win all around.

[Anonymous]

The good thing here for OP is that chances are that her GIL and MIL are going to drop dead decades before she does and then she will never have to deal with this ever again. Just wait them out and you’ll be fine.

Signed,
Mom whose parents and parent in law have all passed away and now it’s 100% me

[Anonymous]

I can relate, waiting for my MIL to make it about her this weekend. No plans yet, but bish loves a last minute get together that’s all about her.

Lower expectations, be thankful your DH is even making Sunday about you. Try to enjoy the “me time” - coming from someone that actually enjoys being around my kids/DH, this can be difficult. Be glad you didn’t have to travel 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To everyone saying that OP is entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled, etc., remember that OP’s dh asked her what she wanted for Mother’s Day, so she was honest and told him. He agreed to it. Initially, he declined other plans for the weekend. However, his entitled, bossy, demanding, spoiled father just wouldn’t let it go and kept upping the ante, including using grandma’s eventual death as emotional blackmail. I’m guessing that OP’s FIL has been so tenacious because he’s trying to give his mother and his wife what THEY want for Mother’s Day.

There’s nothing wrong with OP being disappointed that her DH reneged on their plans. She’s done several consecutive weekend cleanings by herself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her dh to take a turn. She didn’t ask for anything unreasonable. If her dh felt that what she asked for wasn’t something he could provide, he should have told her that from the beginning. After he agreed to OP’s request, he should have honored it. He’s in a situation where he’s going to disappoint someone. It’s perfectly okay for OP to be sad that he chose her to be the disappointed one, even though he specifically asked her what she wanted in advance and agreed to it.

She asked, and I quote:

I asked to: not have to clean, cook, and to spend time at home with family with a homecooked meal for dinner and go out for breakfast on Sunday for one weekend.

She is NOT cleaning or cooking and she is spending time with her family on Mother's Day. What am I missing? She is getting what she asked for, and her husband is then spending the previous day with his family (which OP could join). Why should OP get an entire weekend?

Guessing you are a boomer who thinks cleaning is womens work. The OP has spent the past Saturdays doing all the cleaning herself so DH can go fishing. Her ask was for him to do it this one weekend on Sat so they could all have a nice Mother’s Day together.

But hey it’s time for THE GRANNY SHOW. Holy cow, there can’t be a weekend where her son and grandson spend time appreciating the DIL. Good grief what about GRANNy? She’s the center of the universe! Cut to scene with granny getting grampy to fix this debacle! Grampy isn’t being successful bullying his son into understanding that granny comes first damn it. Granny decides to call in the big guns and force her mom great granny to schlep down. This works! Yeah, DIL has been shown that she is always second to GRANNY. Happy GRANNY.

I'm a Gen X woman, actually. And in the beginning of COVID when our cleaners didn't come it was my husband who did most of the cleaning (almost of the childcare/homeschooling) because my job was busier. But ok.

I think OP is ridiculous and her obsession with doing a deep clean on her house every weekend is silly. She sounds like someone who is unhappy no matter what.

Working all week and all day Saturday spent on deep clean - this seems like a deeply depressing way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

+1 I don't understand families that don't support one another's in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you complain a lot.

OP here -

I just wanted to spend time with my family and feel appreciated.

You can have that on Sunday. Fellow mom here - you don’t get to claim the entire weekend. You get Sunday. Family goes out to breakfast and then you go do something you enjoy while they clean the house.

Not true. DH and I were supposed to watch my favorite show on TV last night for Mother’s Week, but he blew me off after putting the kids to bed, to meet up with an old friend in town for business. I am giving him the silent treatment.

What is mother’s week??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every Mother's Day my husband takes the kids to his mom's and I get a day of being alone! To me that's the only present I need. Reading without interruption, bubble bath, napping...heaven on earth. You sound high maintenance.

I was thinking this Saturday sounds amazing! OP how old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, no matter how healthy she appears, at 90, every day is a gift. In your shoes, I'd stuff the house cleaning and join my husband and child and go visit grandma.

Find another way to get what you want. Ask your husband to give you what you want (clean house, no cooking, etc.) next weekend. Nothing magical about Mother's Day, per se.

+1 I don't understand families that don't support one another's in-laws.

I don’t understand posters who are willfully obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of people that think it’s okay for DH to break the promises he previously made to his wife just because Granny is coming over is mind boggling. He’s a grown man. He made commitments to his wife that he’s now breaking. End of story. Maybe it’s because all of my grandparents died before I was 10, but the thought of a grown adult choosing to spend time with a grandparent over their own spouse and child is absurd.

Also, to everyone who keeps saying that the wife is not DH’s mom and therefore he doesn’t need to celebrate her? She doesn’t have grown children. The only way she gets celebrated is by DH doing something. What’s so hard to understand about that? Men shouldn’t become husbands if they can’t handle the reality of marriage.

Hey, drama mama, when I was growing up moms got homemade cards and maybe a poorly made breakfast in bed from their kids. It didn't require husbands rearranging their entire weekends. We overdo everything in our society these days.

THANK YOU.

This is true and why I am so perplexed as to why the boomer generation of mothers expect the holiday to be about them, be hosted as the guest honor or have their adult children tow the grandchildren out to them for a visit several hours away. They never did this for their mothers when they were raising kids, why the sudden demand for Mother’s Day to be worship granny day?

It isn’t grandparent’s day and no one is claiming that. OP’s husband is with his mom, who is with her mom. OP’s husband is kindly taking his kid with him so OP can enjoy her Saturday. Win win all around.

MIL absolutely is claiming that it’s her day. Her adult son must drive down this weekend with grandson to celebrate her! If she wasn’t claiming Mothers Day as a celebration of her then her son could have visited her last weekend instead of fishing or next weekend. She wouldn’t have had his father badgering him into making the trip if she didn’t have to have Mothers Day weekend too.