So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Disagree. MIL is a guest. A guest does not start offering others wine and snacks. She’s certainly welcome to ask for it. But to start serving it as if she is the host? No.
Team OP!

She is also serving it to OP…she knows she’s not the host. She’s trying to be helpful to her host, trying to take something off her hands, and OP is being a childish ass.

OP doesn’t need or want her “help” and this has been communicated to her multiple times — therefore, to persist is rude. Period.

Not as rude as not offering the guests food and drink. MIL did everyone a favor. OP should take note and learn something and avoid future faux pas.

You’re wrong again, but I admire your dogged commitment to your wrongness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

MIL HAS BEEN TOLD NOT TO DO THIS, YET SHE PERSISTS. therefore it is not “normal” in OP’s family, in her home. Have you caught up yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Thank you. At least there’s ONE person in this thread with damn common sense,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

Still don’t see the problem.

If you don’t see the proble, congrats, you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s weird and annoying, but many women of that generation weren’t brought up to be “guests” and they don’t know how to just sit down and chill. You’re not going to undo all the misogynistic programming that makes her feel like a failure unless she’s serving or offering food or clearing dishes whatever, so I would ignore it. It’s not about her claiming credit, she probably doesn’t know how else to be.

Good observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clasic territorial competition between MILs and DILs. Question for OP, would you feel as annoyed if she were your own mother?

I’m a PP and I absolutely would. Maybe 10% less annoyed because she’s my mom, but no more. Of course, my mom would also listen the first time when I said “no thanks, I’m good. Please go relax with dad and the family.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Disagree. MIL is a guest. A guest does not start offering others wine and snacks. She’s certainly welcome to ask for it. But to start serving it as if she is the host? No.
Team OP!

She is also serving it to OP…she knows she’s not the host. She’s trying to be helpful to her host, trying to take something off her hands, and OP is being a childish ass.

OP doesn’t need or want her “help” and this has been communicated to her multiple times — therefore, to persist is rude. Period.

Not as rude as not offering the guests food and drink. MIL did everyone a favor. OP should take note and learn something and avoid future faux pas.

You’re wrong again, but I admire your dogged commitment to your wrongness.

It is amazing that one poster at least is still clinging to this inaccurate “point.”

[Anonymous]

I’d have to drink early if I was going to OPs house too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have to drink early if I was going to OPs house too

Maybe people should decline invitations or actually do the work of hosting, instead of being perpetual guests, if they “need” to drink at 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Yeah it’s bizarre but who does it harm and why can’t op roll with it? This is so harmless and trivial. If this is an example of what the poster considers a big deal then that is an indicator of a total lack of graciousness and flexibility.

You can choose to let things ruin your day or you can let things roll of your back without needing to control everyone around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d have to drink early if I was going to OPs house too

May I suggest an AA meeting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Ew, so sexist. Why do men get off scot free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

To take it even further, OP should sit down and ask MIL to bring her food and drink. If she’s going to play hostess, OP should take advantage of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

Maybe you’re not cut out to be a houseguest.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that in your MIL's mind she's just trying to be helpful and feels guilty that she is not hosting (even if she doesn't actually want to be hosting). Maybe she's just bored sitting around your house and is trying to busy herself. It doesn't make it less annoying. I think you just need to keep running interference and not let it get you upset. It helps me deal with my parents/ILs annoying behaviors to just expect them and decide in advance not to let it bother me.

And since OP is getting some flack I'll add that generally 5pm is when we serve drinks and cheese/crackers too. That's also how my parents entertain. My Dad has been known to watch the clock and will have martinis made by 5:01.