Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

The point is here we all have our comfort thresholds when it comes to dating and backgrounds. Some are more free-spirited than others.

Online or not, some prefer to date within their community and affiliations and some are open to a wider circle.

If I met a guy at a bar and then went home and couldn't find anything about him online it would be a hard pass for me. This is not just about OLD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have no online presence. We hate social media.

OP, I don't understand what your problem is.

Did you google your names? Even if you are not active on social media something should come up if you used a landline at some point, file tax returns, owned or rented property. Spouses names usually appear next to each other.

That is all unless you paid a service to erase everything (which I find suspicious, many guys with criminal history would do this)

There's nothing much, OP, actually. Maybe the house we bought with our names, that's all. We do not have any social media accounts, Linked In, FB, Insta, Twitter, etc.

I feel like people have missed the point because they equate online presence with playing on social media apps and OP is talking about how if you are an adult and have bought a home or gotten married, divorced etc. there is a record of that online and this man has none of that.

+1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I can't tell here what he used. I share my actual number with everyone I want to see a second time. If he thought I wasn't worthy then he's not worthy my time going out with him for a second date.We are just different in that sense, I guess or go for 2nd dates with fewer people. I usually agree to a second date once a month or so as I am picky and know right away if I am attracted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

What cleanup services are the best? So many scams out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I use my google voice number too because I don't want strangers to be able to easily find where I live and such. I am a woman. I had one man get mad about it when I was about to give him my real number and accuse me of cheating on someone and lying and boy was I ever glad he didn't have my real number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I use my google voice number too because I don't want strangers to be able to easily find where I live and such. I am a woman. I had one man get mad about it when I was about to give him my real number and accuse me of cheating on someone and lying and boy was I ever glad he didn't have my real number.

OP here; I was thinking about using my burner number for everyone until I see someone for couple months at least and we are exclusive. But I realized "assortative mating" does exit. Men who are more established want to share their success, transparency and know they actually are matched with someone similar. Men I meet are 2 Linkedin connections max away. This matters especially for middle aged divorced men, they want to know early if woman works and where, or if she lives off CS and alimony. I live in a very expensive neighborhood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I use my google voice number too because I don't want strangers to be able to easily find where I live and such. I am a woman. I had one man get mad about it when I was about to give him my real number and accuse me of cheating on someone and lying and boy was I ever glad he didn't have my real number.

OP here; I was thinking about using my burner number for everyone until I see someone for couple months at least and we are exclusive. But I realized "assortative mating" does exit. Men who are more established want to share their success, transparency and know they actually are matched with someone similar. Men I meet are 2 Linkedin connections max away. This matters especially for middle aged divorced men, they want to know early if woman works and where, or if she lives off CS and alimony. I live in a very expensive neighborhood

To add, most smart men who used burners know how to check if I used burner or if I hide information. They asked me directly after 2nd date, so I stopped using it for people I've spoken several times and went out for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I use my google voice number too because I don't want strangers to be able to easily find where I live and such. I am a woman. I had one man get mad about it when I was about to give him my real number and accuse me of cheating on someone and lying and boy was I ever glad he didn't have my real number.

OP here; I was thinking about using my burner number for everyone until I see someone for couple months at least and we are exclusive. But I realized "assortative mating" does exit. Men who are more established want to share their success, transparency and know they actually are matched with someone similar. Men I meet are 2 Linkedin connections max away. This matters especially for middle aged divorced men, they want to know early if woman works and where, or if she lives off CS and alimony. I live in a very expensive neighborhood

You didn't hear about the rich guy in NYC who went on a first date and got kidnapped, tortured, and held for ransom? The police said one of his mistakes was looking "rich" on social media. I'd rather a woman not know my net worth or income until I know her well enough to trust her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man. I have been doing OLD for 10 years. I have yet to google a woman's name or phone number.

I didn't have Facebook until a few years ago, and I never use it. No LinkedIn until this past year. No Twitter, no SnapChat. None of my guy friends play around with social media, either.

This is a safety issue for women that guys don't really have to think about.

Men also have safety issues. There are plenty of crazy women loose in the DC area, and I'd rather deal with a man with a knife than a psycho woman with a law degree. Ask Johnny Depp whether a nutso woman can destroy your life.

Johnny Depp's life is destroyed?

It was until he spent a few million dollars on lawyers to fight back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you single because you always find a ridiculous way to sabotage your relationships? Because that looks like what is happening here.

I was in a very long marriage for most of my adult life. Men in middle age behave very differently from what I observed 20 years ago. I am not going to be intimate with strangers, won’t pursue a man if he does reciprocate, or wait for 24 hrs for him to respond. Before he does, I will already have different plans. I am busy and have other interests. If my Saturday-Sunday date is not confirmed by Friday EOB, I make other plans.

The men you dated 20+ years ago had social media?

They were very active pursuing further dates, inviting me to hand out with their friends, shared business cards and /or where they studied. And yes some had online presence there was a website prior to LinkedIn I forgot how it was called

So this guy isn’t for you because he’s not pursuing you to the degree you prefer. This has nothing to do with him not having a linked in profile.

Him using a burner phone, somewhat unclear identity, super slow to texts does tell me he just wanted a dinner date for “variety”. Not really interested. So I don’t think it’s a match. Yes you are right

When did this “burner phone” thing happen? How on earth could you know after one date that someone is using burner phone?

I’m starting to vote nutcase with the other PPs.

OP here - I worked in hospitality industry and know how to check if someone uses their actual or a burner number. He used the burner 100%

Did he use a google voice number? I'm a guy and I use that for OLD until I decide she's worthy of knowing my actual cell number.

I use my google voice number too because I don't want strangers to be able to easily find where I live and such. I am a woman. I had one man get mad about it when I was about to give him my real number and accuse me of cheating on someone and lying and boy was I ever glad he didn't have my real number.

OP here; I was thinking about using my burner number for everyone until I see someone for couple months at least and we are exclusive. But I realized "assortative mating" does exit. Men who are more established want to share their success, transparency and know they actually are matched with someone similar. Men I meet are 2 Linkedin connections max away. This matters especially for middle aged divorced men, they want to know early if woman works and where, or if she lives off CS and alimony. I live in a very expensive neighborhood

You didn't hear about the rich guy in NYC who went on a first date and got kidnapped, tortured, and held for ransom? The police said one of his mistakes was looking "rich" on social media. I'd rather a woman not know my net worth or income until I know her well enough to trust her.

I avoid men who purposely attempt to look rich on dating profile. And I don't give my actual number before after a second date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man. I have been doing OLD for 10 years. I have yet to google a woman's name or phone number.

I didn't have Facebook until a few years ago, and I never use it. No LinkedIn until this past year. No Twitter, no SnapChat. None of my guy friends play around with social media, either.

This is a safety issue for women that guys don't really have to think about.

Men also have safety issues. There are plenty of crazy women loose in the DC area, and I'd rather deal with a man with a knife than a psycho woman with a law degree. Ask Johnny Depp whether a nutso woman can destroy your life.

Johnny Depp's life is destroyed?

It was until he spent a few million dollars on lawyers to fight back.

They both did. It was him who sued her in the first place, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have no online presence. We hate social media.

OP, I don't understand what your problem is.

Did you google your names? Even if you are not active on social media something should come up if you used a landline at some point, file tax returns, owned or rented property. Spouses names usually appear next to each other.

That is all unless you paid a service to erase everything (which I find suspicious, many guys with criminal history would do this)

There's nothing much, OP, actually. Maybe the house we bought with our names, that's all. We do not have any social media accounts, Linked In, FB, Insta, Twitter, etc.

I feel like people have missed the point because they equate online presence with playing on social media apps and OP is talking about how if you are an adult and have bought a home or gotten married, divorced etc. there is a record of that online and this man has none of that.

+1

And people have pointed out multiple reasons why your online presence might be extremely limited to not existent nine of these reasons are shady or criminal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same op as the video dates thread

Why would that matter? I do video dates sometimes, this guy said he wasn't comfortable with a video date. He was more attractive in real life than on photos. Btw I had a video date with someone else just recently who really liked me. He immediately offered his actual phone number, job place, position, connect on LinkedIn. Name matched the number and location on google, he is an involved dad. I liked that openness, and although he's not as tall/hot, he is more educated, has well established career and better mannered.

Men don't realize they also have a competition for female attention and we will drop out if they try to install privacy locks on everything about them online. We live in modern world: it's not like I expect everyone to twit or Facebook but something should come up about a person when you google IMHO.

This also comes from my experience in hospitality business; when you don't check an ID and someone's name doesn't match the phone number on google it ends up in 90% cases with credit card fraud.

I am not a stalker (god forbid never call men first, or text them first). But ultimate purpose of dating is to find a sexual and hopefully life partner, and I want that search to be transparent.

Well, you obviously feel that this information should be easily accessible to the public or that the man who is the subject of this thread should give it to you, and he hasn't. You have multiple men competing for your attention and giving you all of this information, including one who is more educated, better mannered, and has a well established career. Seems to me like you should just forget about this man who you find suspicious and focus on all the better, un-shady ones calling and texting you.

OP here. He offered to meet for dinner yesterday. I woke up and there was no response from him to my text suggesting to spend an afternoon together over this long weekend for drinks and learn more about each other. Seems like a player to me, not really interested in learning more beside meeting in intimate settings while using his burner number. I moved on to schedule the LinkedIn IT guy to spend my afternoon with. I do try my online dating experience to be maximum approaching meeting someone via friends or colleagues. It just gives me a sense of trust.

Thanks everyone.

I wouldn't say he sounds like a player.
I would say good luck with IT guy, but you'll find a reason to red flag him too

He did respond that it’s a great idea to spend an afternoon, but it took him over 24 hrs to respond to my text. He’s probably not that interested and dating many women as he’s objectively tall and handsome. Regardless, I am not wasting my time on secretive guys who use burner phones, and take too long to come up with alternate date ideas. Life is too short to allow in it total strangers who only need one thing from me

Hey OP, remember when you called yourself a nutcase in your OP? Maybe you should look into that more.

There's a new unpleasant tone in responses these days. Are you new to DCUM? This is a really unwarranted mean response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is here we all have our comfort thresholds when it comes to dating and backgrounds. Some are more free-spirited than others.

Online or not, some prefer to date within their community and affiliations and some are open to a wider circle.

If I met a guy at a bar and then went home and couldn't find anything about him online it would be a hard pass for me. This is not just about OLD.

You can have your comforts and people can point out that your " comforts" aren't helping you and are likely why you are struggling to find someone and have a healthy relationship

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who doesn't understand the dinner date thing and what's so offensive about it?