Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

I don’t online date because of my trust issues. I will only go out with people who know other people I know IRL.
I also don’t have any social media presence so I know it’s slightly hypocritical of me but, better hypocritical than dead…kidding…kind of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Dude, what? Did you come out of the womb with friends and a spouse? We all develop relationships with people we didn't really know at one point.
Do you not realize that the whole point of going on the date is to get to know him and potentially develop a relationship?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you go for a second date ladies if the guy cannot be googled/no verifiable online presence? We exchanged numbers, I gave my actual one and I do have a pretty public presence online. His number gives nothing, neither does online name/location search. He did share the detail about his life, showed videos of his son and appeared a normal dmv guy.

But I am not comfortable going out for dinner with someone I don't really know. And it feels like we are on unequal footing from the beginning, me being transparent and him protecting privacy. If he thinks I am a nutcase, why offer dinner date?

I am not sure why he would think you”re a “nutcase.” I would go on a second date and ask some pointed questions. Any man worth knowing will understand women need to be cautious, tell him you did an internet search and came up empty, what’s the deal? Do you know where he works? Did he seem reluctant to share information on your first date?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating for thirty years, most of that starting from dating apps, and have never had any problem. Meet in public and trust your instincts. Tell a friend where you're going. It's really not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

What search engines have you used? Try fastpeoplesearch.
Not everyone has an online presence and I wouldn't consider it unequal footing just because you can't find him. That sounds unfair. If you like this guy, I would give him a shot and go out in a public place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

OP here - and he doesn't' pop up there (by supposedly his city and name). He described a white collar job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

Again, this is not about social media at all. If a potential date doesn't pop up in a google search, which picks up all kinds of things other than social media, I would be wary. If I were really interested I would look for real estate records or other background kind of search just to somewhat verify this person is who he says he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you go for a second date ladies if the guy cannot be googled/no verifiable online presence? We exchanged numbers, I gave my actual one and I do have a pretty public presence online. His number gives nothing, neither does online name/location search. He did share the detail about his life, showed videos of his son and appeared a normal dmv guy.

But I am not comfortable going out for dinner with someone I don't really know. And it feels like we are on unequal footing from the beginning, me being transparent and him protecting privacy. If he thinks I am a nutcase, why offer dinner date?

I am not sure why he would think you”re a “nutcase.” I would go on a second date and ask some pointed questions. Any man worth knowing will understand women need to be cautious, tell him you did an internet search and came up empty, what’s the deal? Do you know where he works? Did he seem reluctant to share information on your first date?

We discussed occupations, kids, future plans and expectations from life overall, some politics. But I didn't ask directly about his job or address of course, as it was the very first job. I will ask this question directly when I see him him next time/if I see him again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

OP here - and he doesn't' pop up there (by supposedly his city and name). He described a white collar job

Why don't you spend some of this time and energy getting to know him in a public place?
Look, I'm a woman and I'm very aware of the potential dangers of dating. But I still go out and meet people, I do not do background checks, and I do not google. I use my brain, trust my instincts and always have a plan in case something goes wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

Again, this is not about social media at all. If a potential date doesn't pop up in a google search, which picks up all kinds of things other than social media, I would be wary. If I were really interested I would look for real estate records or other background kind of search just to somewhat verify this person is who he says he is.

OP here - yes, he mentioned recently buying a house in a certain area/city. I tried to google didn't find home ownership trace. My name gives my house address right away on google, some expired business licenses, and even my publications from 1996.