Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why going to dinner in a public place is any different than meeting him for coffee or whatever?

I am a shy person and don’t want men to spend money on upscale dinners when I am uncertain about the match. Usually I know right away there won’t be a second date, but I felt attracted this time. The red flag is lurking from him not being transparent. I am foreign born, my English is indeed not perfect. But I am exceptionally good looking (according to a few men I met in person). Everyone wants a second date, so I could literally go out every night. No issues with getting 8-10 video dates and 1-2 real dates per week. I don’t abuse my attractiveness - didn’t commit to any second dates yet. I am looking for an equal by attraction and transparency.

"Not being transparent" - did you actually ask him anything, like a normal person would, or are you just basing all this on your inability to conduct your crazy cyberstalking campaign effectively?

[Anonymous]

Ohhhhhh... potential husbant... why are your all your personal information not on internet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why going to dinner in a public place is any different than meeting him for coffee or whatever?

I am a shy person and don’t want men to spend money on upscale dinners when I am uncertain about the match. Usually I know right away there won’t be a second date, but I felt attracted this time. The red flag is lurking from him not being transparent. I am foreign born, my English is indeed not perfect. But I am exceptionally good looking (according to a few men I met in person). Everyone wants a second date, so I could literally go out every night. No issues with getting 8-10 video dates and 1-2 real dates per week. I don’t abuse my attractiveness - didn’t commit to any second dates yet. I am looking for an equal by attraction and transparency.

"Not being transparent" - did you actually ask him anything, like a normal person would, or are you just basing all this on your inability to conduct your crazy cyberstalking campaign effectively?

If you read carefully this thread I planned to, and offered him to meet during the day. If he was truly attracted, it wouldn't matter for him if it was lunch or dinner. I meant to spend more time with him (evening is shorter than afternoon, and in my culture you don’t meet men in the evening until you know them rather well). Maybe I am just too conservative but that’s my comfort level. Oh, that girl you posted is ugly, I am totally different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

You get to know him over dinner and you say you prefer to be asked before being touched.

OP here, sorry but this does sound very turning off : you agree for a romantic dinner and tell him this ? I kind of like him and wouldn’t mind being touched. But I want to know his identity first.

Why is it a romantic dinner? Nobody has the right to touch you and you don’t have to go back to their house because they took you out. You go for dinner at a restaurant, a public place. You have conversation, over dinner, so you get to know each other better.

In my culture a woman agreeing to dinner means she’s interested in him romantically. An afternoon - she still keeps him in the friendship category. There is no such thing like informal dinner between dating people - the context is totally different. US men are very assertive moving things when they want a woman. If that was meaningless, why do you think they get upset when you don’t accept dinner invites and offer less formal day meeting ? Of course they understand the difference! But I can’t move things at their pace. I would have slept with 10 guys a month if I did. Hope that addresses your question.


I don’t go to restaurants with strangers, no thank you. I have other commitments and offered him to meet in the afternoon

Lol…what makes a restaurant different? You are not alone with the person and you can go to dinner as early as 5pm.

[Anonymous]

The difference between day meeting and a dinner is you keep him in friend zone with the first, and in romantic zone with the second option. There is no such thing as informal dinner between two dating people. Men know the difference. US men are very fast asserting themselves romantically and get upset when you turn them down for dinner. But my goal is to meet someone I can get to know first, and who can wait. Not to sleep with 10 guys a month.

[Anonymous]

So you need your date to be “transparent” on the first date. Ask him for a copy of his tax return and social security number and resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference between day meeting and a dinner is you keep him in friend zone with the first, and in romantic zone with the second option. There is no such thing as informal dinner between two dating people. Men know the difference. US men are very fast asserting themselves romantically and get upset when you turn them down for dinner. But my goal is to meet someone I can get to know first, and who can wait. Not to sleep with 10 guys a month.

You went from dinner to f$&king 10 guys a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you need your date to be “transparent” on the first date. Ask him for a copy of his tax return and social security number and resume.

No, just use real name and his real phone number if he invites me for dinner. Anyone using burner while I shared my actual number would remain in friend zone until we are on same page with that. There are many married men on apps.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant as he still didn’t suggest a day date idea meaning not interested. NBD - there are many single guys out there who don’t use burners and just exchange business cards with women they like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The difference between day meeting and a dinner is you keep him in friend zone with the first, and in romantic zone with the second option. There is no such thing as informal dinner between two dating people. Men know the difference. US men are very fast asserting themselves romantically and get upset when you turn them down for dinner. But my goal is to meet someone I can get to know first, and who can wait. Not to sleep with 10 guys a month.

You went from dinner to f$&king 10 guys a month.

In my 20s I f..ed them on date 3-4 if all went well, preferred not to wait too long and check compatibility in all areas sooner than later. But only if I didn’t sense red flags. I’ve had 7 partners between age 19 and 24 when I met my exH (with whom I slept after date 3). But I met hundreds of men for first and second dates that didn’t result in sex. Can’t even tell the exact number. I think that’s normal numbers not whorish statistics. Just a woman looking for a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you need your date to be “transparent” on the first date. Ask him for a copy of his tax return and social security number and resume.

No, just use real name and his real phone number if he invites me for dinner. Anyone using burner while I shared my actual number would remain in friend zone until we are on same page with that. There are many married men on apps.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant as he still didn’t suggest a day date idea meaning not interested. NBD - there are many single guys out there who don’t use burners and just exchange business cards with women they like.

Sorry but if a woman uses a “burner” number and for example only discloses her first name and is vague about other details
Of her life prior to meeting and/or on a first date it is generally considered to be for her “safety”. If a man does the same he’s some sort of player, shady, not transparent, subhuman, predator. You have no right to anything on a first date, I don’t care how hot you think you are, you are single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

It’s called “communication”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you need your date to be “transparent” on the first date. Ask him for a copy of his tax return and social security number and resume.

No, just use real name and his real phone number if he invites me for dinner. Anyone using burner while I shared my actual number would remain in friend zone until we are on same page with that. There are many married men on apps.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant as he still didn’t suggest a day date idea meaning not interested. NBD - there are many single guys out there who don’t use burners and just exchange business cards with women they like.

Sorry but if a woman uses a “burner” number and for example only discloses her first name and is vague about other details
Of her life prior to meeting and/or on a first date it is generally considered to be for her “safety”. If a man does the same he’s some sort of player, shady, not transparent, subhuman, predator. You have no right to anything on a first date, I don’t care how hot you think you are, you are single.

Cool, I offered him literally the “time of the day” to get closer and learn more about him. I don’t owe him anything beyond friendship after date one, have a long list of men to comb through.
If he’s expecting increasing level of prolixity after date one while he gave me the burner number, and gets upset or disappears when I declined dinner invite - we were not a match. Next one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

It’s called “communication”

Did you read above I offered him to spend an afternoon together and he disappeared ? The guy did use his hands and kissed me on date one (and I reciprocated as I like him). I presume he expected more on date two, and got upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you need your date to be “transparent” on the first date. Ask him for a copy of his tax return and social security number and resume.

No, just use real name and his real phone number if he invites me for dinner. Anyone using burner while I shared my actual number would remain in friend zone until we are on same page with that. There are many married men on apps.
Anyway, this is all irrelevant as he still didn’t suggest a day date idea meaning not interested. NBD - there are many single guys out there who don’t use burners and just exchange business cards with women they like.

Sorry but if a woman uses a “burner” number and for example only discloses her first name and is vague about other details
Of her life prior to meeting and/or on a first date it is generally considered to be for her “safety”. If a man does the same he’s some sort of player, shady, not transparent, subhuman, predator. You have no right to anything on a first date, I don’t care how hot you think you are, you are single.

You are single, too. Would you be interested more if I was married ? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The difference between day meeting and a dinner is you keep him in friend zone with the first, and in romantic zone with the second option. There is no such thing as informal dinner between two dating people. Men know the difference. US men are very fast asserting themselves romantically and get upset when you turn them down for dinner. But my goal is to meet someone I can get to know first, and who can wait. Not to sleep with 10 guys a month.

Your dating experience is very weird. People go on informal dinner dates all the time without sleeping with each other.