Date has no online presence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would actually prefer a man who doesn't waste his time on social media.

That is different than no online presence at all.

I would be very wary if he isn't even google-able.

Why? I don't google people but I don't see why anyone I've dated would be online. LinkedIn is generally only for white collar jobs.

OP here - and he doesn't' pop up there (by supposedly his city and name). He described a white collar job

Why don't you spend some of this time and energy getting to know him in a public place?
Look, I'm a woman and I'm very aware of the potential dangers of dating. But I still go out and meet people, I do not do background checks, and I do not google. I use my brain, trust my instincts and always have a plan in case something goes wrong.

That's great. We all have our own methods and ways of doing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Dude, what? Did you come out of the womb with friends and a spouse? We all develop relationships with people we didn't really know at one point.
Do you not realize that the whole point of going on the date is to get to know him and potentially develop a relationship?

My former spouse gave me his business card the day we met, was on google etc. My friends are from the same social circles - school, work, hobbies. I knew they were their true self from the very beginning. I do have trust issues mainly because over lifetime I learned that many people out there are not trustworthy.

I offered him to spend an afternoon together, maybe meet for drinks in a less formal setting. If he's attracted, he will be transparent if not so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Dude, what? Did you come out of the womb with friends and a spouse? We all develop relationships with people we didn't really know at one point.
Do you not realize that the whole point of going on the date is to get to know him and potentially develop a relationship?

NP. My parents grew up in the same neighborhood, and so did THEIR parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Um, what?

[Anonymous]

My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not be the reason I didn’t go on a 2nd date with someone. I work with a lot of police officers and they use fake names for social media to protect themselves and their families.

But how would I develop this relationship with someone who I don't really know? He did attempt to hug me so I presume kissing would be expected soon. Shall I raise this issue at the dinner, or counter propose something less formal ?

Are you trolling or do you not realize this is how people dated for centuries

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

He owns a house and everything is in his mothers name. A ton of people in tech have no LinkedIn.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you're too uncomfortable, you might prefer to date men you know through friends/work/hobbies/church or whatever you're into.. As in, a real-life network vs online. That is how it's been done, and it's still not totally safe, there's still a possibility you meet a psycho who pressured short-term acquaintances to vouch for his newest identity.

I like to check up on people online as well (not for dating but other purposes). I know lots of people over 50 who are not easily found online in records, but find it somewhat suspect for under-50yos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

I think she sounds smart. I would find this hunting expedition a waste of my time if I can't find info about him online. Of course, I also like to sleep with men early on to kick the tires so I can move on if it sucks.

[Anonymous]

After a really bad breakup with a guy who was a total fraud, my aunt started telling guys that they had to show up with a female friend who would vouch for them by the third date. It worked with her now husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're too uncomfortable, you might prefer to date men you know through friends/work/hobbies/church or whatever you're into.. As in, a real-life network vs online. That is how it's been done, and it's still not totally safe, there's still a possibility you meet a psycho who pressured short-term acquaintances to vouch for his newest identity.

I like to check up on people online as well (not for dating but other purposes). I know lots of people over 50 who are not easily found online in records, but find it somewhat suspect for under-50yos.

I am not on the dating apps anymore but back in my day (so like 2015 or so) you could sign on to tinder or what have you via fb and it showed you the mutual friends you have with potential matches. Does it still do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know someone's name, phone number, address, place of employment before I dated them past a date or two. Certainly, stick to public venues until you learn more about him.

Wonder if maybe he's a married man?

That was my thought, too. And the house he would take me would be his friend's house and then he ghosts me. Something like that.

Thanks, all. I will decline the dinner date, and would offer him something less casual like a book store coffee to learn each other better. Maybe it's my paranoia but I just don't feel like it and will listen to my gut sense.

You seem like a nut. You go on a date to get to know people; you don’t date the Internet..

OP said she's trusting her gut sense, which is the very best thing to do if you feel unsafe. Not knowing who you're dating isn't really safe. Plenty of stories to back that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My exH is 49. No social media. Not weird.

I have been seeing a guy for a year without a digital footprint. He works in tech. He is 40.

So he has no Linkedin, never rented an apartment or owned a house? Or did he use a service to clean up his digital print? I would be very concerned dating someone who did this cleanup

He owns a house and everything is in his mothers name. A ton of people in tech have no LinkedIn.

I wouldn't date a guy who registers everything on his mother's name. A friend of mine was embroiled in a lengthly legal battle after her husband registered jointly acquired RE to his relative's name. She won but it was not a fun experience.