Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Well, setting aside everything about your DH- yes, you were out of line. And the proof of this is the last line of your OP: "And DH thinks I went too far, and believes it was a good chance to build a relationship with this cousin. Am I completely out of line?"
You should have spoken to your DH before you took it upon yourself to chastise you ILs.

THIS - I cannot believe this is the first time anyone has brought this up. OP - you should have consulted your husband before having the conversation with your ILs.

Agree. Although it doesn't make complete sense to me and raises more questions. If OP's husband thought this was a chance to build a relationship with the cousin, did that actually happen over Thanksgiving, or did they stay on other sides of the table and the room?

And what about getting a heads-up about this cousin coming to future events would prevent OP and her husband from deciding to attend these future events, if OP's husband wants to? It's just a heads-up, not a ban.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was sad because the teenager he was taking photos of was 17 and not 18.

Exactly. "Now I'm really it trouble" She says it "broke him" OMG.

It broke him because he got caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

Are you drunk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

Are you drunk?

Enough trolling , op. You've overplayed your hand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

Are you drunk?

No. They are correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

You lose credibility when you lie. I've read the entire thread. Precious few posters write what you claim.

Again, your hosts do not have to warn you before they invite people.

You were WRONG to discuss it with them. You are NOT on moral high ground here regarding anything associated with your husband's charges and this cousin's actions. Thus, you should have greeted him politely without getting the slightest bit offended.

If you want the moral high ground, don't be this man's wife.

Again, OP wanted a heads-up. She didn't want to control who her inlaws invited, or how this cousin behaved. Dial it back.

I am curious, though, what was said between the cousins, or between OP and the cousin. Your speculation isn't exactly enlightening.

OP didn't ask whether inlaws should have given them a heads up. She asked whether she was "out of line" to pull them aside during the party and chastise them for not giving a heads up. The answer to that is yes, she was out of line. If only because she didn't talk to her DH first.

Stop with the creative dramatizations. OP didn't say "chastise." Here's what she said: "I brought this up to my in-laws and told them specifically that if if this cousin was ever invited to another family function to tell us so we could make other plans, to which they told me they would try, but that I should expect this cousin to be generally invited to future family functions as he has an open invitation to stay with them whenever. They also made it clear he would be at our Christmas gathering, so we should keep that in mind."

OK, sub my word for exactly what OP wrote. Everything else stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, here's what we know, based on OP, who is unreliable narrator:

Early 20s man, with girlfriend not yet his wife, takes upskirt shots of young women and presumably posts or shares them, leading to arrest, conviction, incarceration. One of them was 17, much to his chagrin! Oh no!

Prior to arrest, he had correspondence with young girl cousin, which stopped after arrest, but older brother cousin had concerns which he brought up among family, pretty reasonable.

OP spends a year dealing with this in ways that were "hard" apparently but otherwise unexplained, yet she is desperate enough to marry this dude and reproduce with him.

Now she wants to know, how can I control who gets invited to holidays so no one sees how effed up we all are?

Didn't OP say the cousin got in touch with the school?

But OP isn't asking for "control." She's asking to be given a heads-up. Totally different.

And equally inappropriate. She and her husband are not in a position to request anything. Perhaps in the future they can ask beforehand who is coming. That's all they can do.

Here you're wrong. If OP and her family are on decent terms with the inlaws, it's totally appropriate to ask for a heads up. Nothing about that exonerates her husband.

Not wrong. Not their place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life.

Even if the inlaws could have or should have given this "heads up" do you think that the OP was in the right to talk to them about it at the event and without talking to her DH first to get his view?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

Are you drunk?

Enough trolling , op. You've overplayed your hand

I'm not OP, you can ask the moderator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:

I want to make it 100% clear that I do not justify my husband’s past actions. He will be the first to acknowledge that his decisions were awful, inappropriate, and completely wrong.

He was young (early-20s) and got sucked into a toxic online community around upskirt photos taken in public, and got carried away. I’m not stating this to justify what he did, but to point out that not every human being that makes such appalling decisions are evil, nasty people who cannot be redeemed. It was a hard period in our relationship (we were not married at the time), and we spent over a year separated trying to reconcile our relationship and figure out what to do moving forward.

People change. He has grown as a human being and is a great father and a great husband who has demons in his closet that he has to deal with every day. He has never forgiven himself for those decisions, and neither have I, and he will likely never be able to forgive himself. But he recognizes he can only strive to be a better human being because he can’t go back and change his decisions ten years ago.

Look. You obviously have made a choice to see your husband in the best possible light, and have done so for the entirety of your relationship. But you can't erase what happened. And your husband didn't get fired from a school district job for an accusation - he was either convicted of a crime and/or lied about/concealed the charge from his employer. Your in-laws have obviously decided they are tired of not having a relationship with this part of the family - OVER THEIR OWN SON.

I am sorry, but this is called living with consequences. And I don't know how old your kids are but there will come a time that your husband will have to explain his actions to them. I highly recommend that the explanation be the truth and a lesson about lasting consequences for one's actions (especially those of an adult man, My God), responsibility, attitudes and actions towards women, and that some things can't be undone no matter how much you want them to be.

Your in-laws have told the absolute truth to you here. You can isolate yourselves in your continued denial or deal with this ugly reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life.

Even if the inlaws could have or should have given this "heads up" do you think that the OP was in the right to talk to them about it at the event and without talking to her DH first to get his view?

Oh, 100% OP was not right - in any of this. She was extremely wrong to talk to them about it AT the event and without talking to her husband about it first. She's absolutely wrong expecting a notification, and it sounds like the in-laws didn't give an inch of ground (informed them that "Jack" will be at Christmas, so they should plan accordingly). I think that the in-laws' notification probably could have avoided the Thanksgiving problem. OP could have avoided the Thanksgiving problem as well by not doing what she did at TG. But in point of fact, OP could have avoided the whole problem by not marrying someone who recently did time for sex crimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life.

+1. Yes, OP's husband is going to have to accept pariah status in his work and social life--and with cause. But consigning the entire family to the dustheap of familial relations, to the point where they're not even allowed to know simple things like who else is coming to Thanksgiving, seems deliberately cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.


Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this.

Your in laws can invite whoever they hell they want and they don't have to clear it with you or give you a heads up first. Hope that clears everything up for you.

I hope you inform anyone who comes to your house that they themselves or their daughters are at risk for being filmed and or groomed by your husband.

You need to dial back the drama. Her inlaws don't have to tell her who's coming, but it would be courteous and something thoughtful people would do. And as long as OP doesn't leave her DH alone with women or girls, why does she need to put a sign up in her hallway warning guests.

You must have lost your mind thinking you can tell me or anyone how they can address op.

In laws don't owe her or her DH anything out our courtesy or anything else.


.
She's free to ask if they are inviting anyone who may remind her that her husband is a sex offender.


Op might want to put up a sign in the bathroom since her husband likes to film intimate places. Give guests a heads up they might be being filmed

You know, it's pretty clear that the relationship between OP's family and her husband's parents is at least cordial enough that they are invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is not outside the realm of what is socially normal and expected to review who is attending those events with guests, either in conversation (e.g., "oh Jack called, he'll be in Fresno over Thanksgiving so we invited him and he'll be joining") or intentionally because of "the situation" (e.g., "We wanted to let you know that Jack will be coming to Thanksgiving this year - he's in the area and we're happy to have him. Please let us know if this changes your plans.")

I agree that you need to dial back the drama. This isn't your life.

Sockpuppeting is pathetic

[Anonymous]

Man! Everyone is having such normal conversations about this situation. In some cultures, OP's husband would have been stoned to death.