Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.

Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

[/quote]

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because [b]literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. [/b]Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this. [/quote]

You lose credibility when you lie. I've read the entire thread. Precious few posters write what you claim.

Again, your hosts do not have to warn you before they invite people.

You were WRONG to discuss it with them. You are NOT on moral high ground here regarding anything associated with your husband's charges and this cousin's actions. Thus, you should have greeted him politely without getting the slightest bit offended.

If you want the moral high ground, don't be this man's wife.
[/quote]

Again, OP wanted a heads-up. She didn't want to control who her inlaws invited, or how this cousin behaved. Dial it back.

I am curious, though, what was said between the cousins, or between OP and the cousin. Your speculation isn't exactly enlightening.[/quote]

OP didn't ask whether inlaws should have given them a heads up.  She asked whether she was "out of line" to pull them aside during the party and chastise them for not giving a heads up.  The answer to that is yes, she was out of line.  If only because she didn't talk to her DH first.[/quote]

Stop with the creative dramatizations. OP didn't say "chastise." Here's what she said: "I brought this up to my in-laws and told them specifically that if if this cousin was ever invited to another family function to tell us so we could make other plans, to which they told me they would try, but that I should expect this cousin to be generally invited to future family functions as he has an open invitation to stay with them whenever. They also made it clear he would be at our Christmas gathering, so we should keep that in mind."[/quote]

OK, sub my word for exactly what OP wrote.  Everything else stands.[/quote]

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