Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Notice that not once has OP returned to comment on her own behavior during the dinner.

Jeff has checked that this person is not a known troll, but it certainly looks like trolling.

[/quote]

OP here. I haven’t commented on “my own behavior” because literally every response is that my husband should be jailed forever for his crimes. Which is fair to say, whatever, not knowing him I can see that opinion seeming reasonable.

I am not angry at this cousin for not wanting a relationship with DH. I had to come to peace with DH’s actions, and I don’t expect anyone to find that peace.

I’m angry that my in-laws would invite this cousin, knowing very well it would be incredibly awkward, without specifically letting us know. They have every right to invite whoever they want. Had we been told he would be there we would have politely declined the invitation and made other plans. So I, politely, pulled them aside (in private) and expressed this. [/quote]

Well, setting aside everything about your DH- yes, you were out of line.  And the proof of this is the last line of your OP:  "[b]And DH thinks I went too far, and believes it was a good chance to build a relationship with this cousin[/b]. Am I completely out of line?"
You should have spoken to your DH before you took it upon yourself to chastise you ILs. [/quote]

THIS - I cannot believe this is the first time anyone has brought this up. OP - you should have consulted your husband before having the conversation with your ILs.[/quote]

Agree. Although it doesn't make complete sense to me and raises more questions. If OP's husband thought this was a chance to build a relationship with the cousin, did that actually happen over Thanksgiving, or did they stay on other sides of the table and the room?

And what about getting a heads-up about this cousin coming to future events would prevent OP and her husband from deciding to attend these future events, if OP's husband wants to? It's just a heads-up, not a ban. [/quote]

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