Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

OP here: There was zero abuse.

He was charged with voyourism ten years ago. He had taken a few upskirt photos of women, including a teenager (he was not aware of this) over the course of a few years.

Said cousin accused him of trying to groom his (cousin’s) younger sister. This stemmed from the fact DH had started writing letters to his younger sister (pre-pubescent at the time) after a family reunion a few years prior. There was no substance to these claims, again the only underaged ‘victim’ in DH’s case was 17, and the letters were perfectly acceptable, it was just a penal relationship between cousins who lived across the country from each other. These accusations were only ever made by him (a teenager at the time), and vaguely by his sister, and their parents did not agree with them (the parents even provided financial assistance during the trial for legal costs). DH was never alone with his sister, or had any opportunity to be alone with her at the time.

You are truly disgusting. Both you and your DH.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a predator. He should do everyone a favor and stay the f*** home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

OP here: There was zero abuse.

He was charged with voyourism ten years ago. He had taken a few upskirt photos of women, including a teenager (he was not aware of this) over the course of a few years.

Said cousin accused him of trying to groom his (cousin’s) younger sister. This stemmed from the fact DH had started writing letters to his younger sister (pre-pubescent at the time) after a family reunion a few years prior. There was no substance to these claims, again the only underaged ‘victim’ in DH’s case was 17, and the letters were perfectly acceptable, it was just a penal relationship between cousins who lived across the country from each other. These accusations were only ever made by him (a teenager at the time), and vaguely by his sister, and their parents did not agree with them (the parents even provided financial assistance during the trial for legal costs). DH was never alone with his sister, or had any opportunity to be alone with her at the time.

Wow, so your husband is an actual sexual predator, and you are mad at his family for believing that an actual sexual predator would abuse someone? How would you feel if some creep took a picture up your skirt? What if they took a picture up your 17yo daughter's skirt?

[Anonymous]

The delusion is real.

[Anonymous]

Imagine willingly marrying a sexual predator. Couldn’t be me.

I hope OP is a troll though.

[Anonymous]

I have to say it’s incredibly cool of your husband’s parents to side with their nephew over your s*xual predator husband. Not many people have that kind of integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

+1 this clearly isn’t about DH running over the young cousin’s bike and filing a civil suit.

+2.

And how dare you say “random cousin”? This is an existing family and YOU are the “random” married-in.

I used ‘random cousin’ because ‘step cousin’ isn’t really a thing. This is DH’s stepfather’s nephew, so there is no blood relation.

It is also to note that this cousin is not someone who there really is an existing relationship with, or who would generally be expected to be at a family gathering. Some cousins are closer then siblings, while others are distant. We hadn’t seen this cousin since 2006, my kids never met him, and honestly I’m very surprised he even showed up as in the past (as recent as a few years ago) this cousin has specifically and purposefully lied in order to get out of visiting with our family (bringing up his accusations in the past, which is silly as in that case even his younger sister visited us). The point is we aren’t close and have never been close.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I believe the cousin. He groomed her. What a loser freak you are married to.

[Anonymous]

well this thread took an unexpected turn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

OP here: There was zero abuse.

He was charged with voyourism ten years ago. He had taken a few upskirt photos of women, including a teenager (he was not aware of this) over the course of a few years.

Said cousin accused him of trying to groom his (cousin’s) younger sister. This stemmed from the fact DH had started writing letters to his younger sister (pre-pubescent at the time) after a family reunion a few years prior. There was no substance to these claims, again the only underaged ‘victim’ in DH’s case was 17, and the letters were perfectly acceptable, it was just a penal relationship between cousins who lived across the country from each other. These accusations were only ever made by him (a teenager at the time), and vaguely by his sister, and their parents did not agree with them (the parents even provided financial assistance during the trial for legal costs). DH was never alone with his sister, or had any opportunity to be alone with her at the time.

Team Cousin.
Your DH is the one who should be disinvited. Is this even a real poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

+1 this clearly isn’t about DH running over the young cousin’s bike and filing a civil suit.

+2.

And how dare you say “random cousin”? This is an existing family and YOU are the “random” married-in.

I used ‘random cousin’ because ‘step cousin’ isn’t really a thing. This is DH’s stepfather’s nephew, so there is no blood relation.

It is also to note that this cousin is not someone who there really is an existing relationship with, or who would generally be expected to be at a family gathering. Some cousins are closer then siblings, while others are distant. We hadn’t seen this cousin since 2006, my kids never met him, and honestly I’m very surprised he even showed up as in the past (as recent as a few years ago) this cousin has specifically and purposefully lied in order to get out of visiting with our family (bringing up his accusations in the past, which is silly as in that case even his younger sister visited us). The point is we aren’t close and have never been close.

The point is that you are still really working to minimize your husband's behavior. Were you married to him 10 years ago, when he had what you clearly think is some cute little victimless legal problem? I can see how you'd need to convince yourself that it's not a big deal. Was he charged and convicted for violating the privacy of multiple women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

+1 this clearly isn’t about DH running over the young cousin’s bike and filing a civil suit.

+2.

And how dare you say “random cousin”? This is an existing family and YOU are the “random” married-in.

I used ‘random cousin’ because ‘step cousin’ isn’t really a thing. This is DH’s stepfather’s nephew, so there is no blood relation.

It is also to note that this cousin is not someone who there really is an existing relationship with, or who would generally be expected to be at a family gathering. Some cousins are closer then siblings, while others are distant. We hadn’t seen this cousin since 2006, my kids never met him, and honestly I’m very surprised he even showed up as in the past (as recent as a few years ago) this cousin has specifically and purposefully lied in order to get out of visiting with our family (bringing up his accusations in the past, which is silly as in that case even his younger sister visited us). The point is we aren’t close and have never been close.

You know who really isn’t generally invited to a family gathering? Sex offenders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did DH do that resulted in legal trouble and getting fired from a school job?

Sorry, but this sounds like sexual abuse of a much younger cousin.

If that's not the story, explain. Because if you told me this exactly as you posted here, my kids would never be in the same room as your DH.

+1 this clearly isn’t about DH running over the young cousin’s bike and filing a civil suit.

+2.

And how dare you say “random cousin”? This is an existing family and YOU are the “random” married-in.

I used ‘random cousin’ because ‘step cousin’ isn’t really a thing. This is DH’s stepfather’s nephew, so there is no blood relation.

It is also to note that this cousin is not someone who there really is an existing relationship with, or who would generally be expected to be at a family gathering. Some cousins are closer then siblings, while others are distant. We hadn’t seen this cousin since 2006, my kids never met him, and honestly I’m very surprised he even showed up as in the past (as recent as a few years ago) this cousin has specifically and purposefully lied in order to get out of visiting with our family (bringing up his accusations in the past, which is silly as in that case even his younger sister visited us). The point is we aren’t close and have never been close.

It makes perfect sense that they'd use every excuse NOT to visit a pedophile and his family.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

I want to make it 100% clear that I do not justify my husband’s past actions. He will be the first to acknowledge that his decisions were awful, inappropriate, and completely wrong.

He was young (early-20s) and got sucked into a toxic online community around upskirt photos taken in public, and got carried away. I’m not stating this to justify what he did, but to point out that not every human being that makes such appalling decisions are evil, nasty people who cannot be redeemed. It was a hard period in our relationship (we were not married at the time), and we spent over a year separated trying to reconcile our relationship and figure out what to do moving forward.

People change. He has grown as a human being and is a great father and a great husband who has demons in his closet that he has to deal with every day. He has never forgiven himself for those decisions, and neither have I, and he will likely never be able to forgive himself. But he recognizes he can only strive to be a better human being because he can’t go back and change his decisions ten years ago.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have Jeff delete this thread. No one will be on your side and you are about to get eviscerated.