Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:

I want to make it 100% clear that I do not justify my husband’s past actions. He will be the first to acknowledge that his decisions were awful, inappropriate, and completely wrong.

He was young (early-20s) and got sucked into a toxic online community around upskirt photos taken in public, and got carried away. I’m not stating this to justify what he did, but to point out that not every human being that makes such appalling decisions are evil, nasty people who cannot be redeemed. It was a hard period in our relationship (we were not married at the time), and we spent over a year separated trying to reconcile our relationship and figure out what to do moving forward.

People change. He has grown as a human being and is a great father and a great husband who has demons in his closet that he has to deal with every day. He has never forgiven himself for those decisions, and neither have I, and he will likely never be able to forgive himself. But he recognizes he can only strive to be a better human being because he can’t go back and change his decisions ten years ago.[/quote]

Look. You obviously have made a choice to see your husband in the best possible light, and have done so for the entirety of your relationship. But you can't erase what happened. And your husband didn't get fired from a school district job for an accusation - he was either convicted of a crime and/or lied about/concealed the charge from his employer. Your in-laws have obviously decided they are tired of not having a relationship with this part of the family - OVER THEIR OWN SON.

I am sorry, but this is called living with consequences. And I don't know how old your kids are but there will come a time that your husband will have to explain his actions to them. I highly recommend that the explanation be the truth and a lesson about lasting consequences for one's actions (especially those of an adult man, My God), responsibility, attitudes and actions towards women, and that some things can't be undone no matter how much you want them to be.

Your in-laws have told the absolute truth to you here. You can isolate yourselves in your continued denial or deal with this ugly reality.[/quote]

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