For those who have “cut other people off,” what did the person do to deserve it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the poster (same one by the short line answer style) trying to guilt or rebuke people responding to the question. I’m guessing this poster has been cut off, is filled with rage and looking for surrogate victims. Move on with your life!

This make us feel sympathy for your parents, and I’m sure that’s not the effect you’re going for.

[Anonymous]

I am considering cutting someone off. I think they have become brain washed by politics. They are filled with hate and are displaying increasingly alarming behaviors. It's very painful to let go, however.

[Anonymous]

I had a good friend cut me off. We were at dinner with a group of couples and she was pretty drunk and talking to the husbands who had previously made mean comments about her drinking too much. I walked over and asked her to come back to sit near me b/c I thought they would just laugh about her again behind her back and she thought that I was accusing her of flirting with them and got very offended. I apologized right away. That didn't work. Called her the next day and she replied "I'm done". And that was it. 4 years of close friendship. I feel bad I overstepped and didn't mean to be preachy but I just wanted to protect her from gossip.

But, I should have known. She had mentioned previous friends and sisters she had cut off for vague reasons so there was a track record.

Basically, yes, there are sometimes important reasons to cut people out of your life. But some people also may cut people off for no good reason. In this case, I wonder if she did have a drinking problem and cut people off who might be catching on to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a minor argument with my mother that spun her into a crazy fit because she simply wouldn't admit she was at fault.

So, like a totally normal person she called my work and told them lies about me, tried to get me fired. then she called my in laws and did the same. Not gettig what she wanted she then moved onto my neighbors ,so I cut her off.

She never met two of my three kids and died alone after calling me from Hospice 3 days before dying begging me to visit. I didn't take the call.

When she died, I hadn't spoken with or seen her in 14 years.

Think about that when you're treating your kids like sh*t

You refused to take her call 3 days before her death and you think you’re the better person?

Cutting off someone is infinitely better than treating someone like sh1t.

Did you really not know that?

It’s been 14 years. Maybe she wanted to apologize, who knows. It could have been good for both of you. But you’ll never know, and all you have is this ongoing rage.

No. PP has peace in her life from excising her toxic mother.

[Anonymous]

4) I'm still waiting for my link to the alleged "I am cutting my mother off because she wants to come for Thanksgiving" thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the poster (same one by the short line answer style) trying to guilt or rebuke people responding to the question. I’m guessing this poster has been cut off, is filled with rage and looking for surrogate victims. Move on with your life!

I don’t understand posters who fill their responses with speculation about everybody else’s personal lives. Somebody here does it all the time. It’s so immature.

Thanks for asking, I had a great thanksgiving with my kids. Both my parents are dead. I’m the poster on another thread who said my daughter bought me dinner with her second paycheck and over Thanksgiving my son thanked me for decisions I had made—both gestures were completely unsought-for and unexpected.

I happen to believe that relationships are a two-way street. The sheer spite some of you describe, and your own aggressive insults, make it pretty clear you have a lot of growing up to do.

You post a lot on estrangement and adult children threads. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

I don't read it that way. Sounds like the first pp has come from that type if family and understands how difficult it is to get away from them. Enmeshment is very common in dysfunctional families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

Do you approach every argument in your life with delusional fantasies about the other person? Your parents must be exhausted. I bet they’re glad you’re out of the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

Do you approach every argument in your life with delusional fantasies about the other person? Your parents must be exhausted. I bet they’re glad you’re out of the picture.

PP is encouraging the PP to stay in touch with family who chose a rapist over their own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

Do you approach every argument in your life with delusional fantasies about the other person? Your parents must be exhausted. I bet they’re glad you’re out of the picture.

PP is encouraging the PP to stay in touch with family who chose a rapist over their own kid.

Nobody said that. You make everything up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

Do you approach every argument in your life with delusional fantasies about the other person? Your parents must be exhausted. I bet they’re glad you’re out of the picture.

PP is encouraging the PP to stay in touch with family who chose a rapist over their own kid.

Nobody said that. You make everything up.

True!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut a mentally ill IL off after they put a pillow over my infant child’s face “as a joke” and sent us feces in the mail, and then accused us of “not having a sense of humor.”

Oh my God. I am so sorry.

Thank you. Our family is constantly saying “she’s just trying to reach out to you, can’t you put all of that aside?”. So it’s legitimately nice to be validated by an internet stranger.

Another internet stranger here, PP, and I completely support your choice. That sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They invited my H’s childhood rapist to Xmas. Then said family is family and you can’t tell us who we can invite.

That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up.

This is the sort of well-meaning but completely naive things people who aren’t from families like this say

When these people decided to include the child rapist in Christmas, they DID show that the victim doesn’t matter to them. Once you show that, there is no relationship to salvage. There is zero reason for the victim to stay in contact with people who don’t love him or show him the most baseline level of respect. And of course they will say the reason is that the victim is messed up - enablers are not people committed to seeking truth or responsibility. This is how abusive families work.

+1

Seems like that PP is an enabler.

Do you approach every argument in your life with delusional fantasies about the other person? Your parents must be exhausted. I bet they’re glad you’re out of the picture.

PP is encouraging the PP to stay in touch with family who chose a rapist over their own kid.

Nobody said that. You make everything up.

DP. Actually, PP said "That is horrible! It's so hard for those of us who've been hurt, but try to stay in contact. Your dh's family essentially told him he doesn't matter. The sad thing is, if he cuts them out of his life, they'll say it's because he is effed up." To me, the bolded reads as an encouragement to stay in contact (with family who chose a rapist over their own kid). But maybe the PP meant that she has been hurt but tries to stay in contact with family herself. Perhaps she was not encouraging at all. It is ambiguous.

No lies detected here, though. Just one take on an ambiguous sentence. I'm sure PP will accept your gracious apology for calling her a liar, though.