SAHMs with no retirement or college savings

[Anonymous]

PP again. There was once I offered to a couple to walk through their finances instead of having them hire a high priced FA who would scam them. Guess who showed up, the husband not the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem here is the ludicrous cost of college.

It’s not lazy and selfish to fail to prepare for this. We shouldn’t turn an economic problem into a moral issue.

This is the best post on the thread.

I would only add that we should prepare for the system we have, it's magical thinking not to. But it's a flawed, failed system of unregulated capitalism that puts profits over people and communities, like so many sectors in the U.S.

yes college costs have skyrocketed, but there are still affordable choices. The cost for majority of VA instate schools (minus W&M and UVA) is less than $25K/year. So college is ~$100K. Kids can work to earn $10-12k/year. Take $5K/year in federal loans. That leaves ~$40K for parents to assist with. If student is a top student, they might get $2-3K/yr in merit.
And if the $25K/yr is too much, then utilize CC. And really, if you know money is an issue and you have a good student, then utilize Duel Enrollment while in HS, where your kid can earn their AA for basically free (most states only charge students for Books/supplies, tuition is free. With that your kid only needs 2-3 years for undergrad, the AA was virtually free. In my state, getting your AA and having a high gpa gives an advantage to getting into the state schools to finish up. But do Duel enrollment, and college will only cost you $50-60K total. So while it may not be the "elite" college experience, there are many ways to do it for reasonable cost.

I have a friend who's daughter is doing this. Got the AA, will graduate with only 2 years from a T60 State school. So college will cost $50K for them. Min wage is $15/hr+ in our area, so kid earns $15K/year working breaks and PT during school year. This kid alone can almost pay for college, because they also worked PT during HS (duel enrollment gives you lots of extra time---not just sitting in classes for 7 hours per day---this kid danced 15+ hours per week and worked 15 hours/wk in HS). So with what they saved in HS, they could in reality pay for college themselves, with a degree from our state flagship that many want to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

This isn’t the SAHM fault. Why isn’t it a law that married people can share their names on a 401k? All other assets from the marriage are usually considered joint property.

Again, not that hard to lay claim to half the marital retirement funds with a half decent lawyer in most states should divorce happen. Especially if you were a SAHP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem here is the ludicrous cost of college.

It’s not lazy and selfish to fail to prepare for this. We shouldn’t turn an economic problem into a moral issue.

This is the best post on the thread.

I would only add that we should prepare for the system we have, it's magical thinking not to. But it's a flawed, failed system of unregulated capitalism that puts profits over people and communities, like so many sectors in the U.S.

yes college costs have skyrocketed, but there are still affordable choices. The cost for majority of VA instate schools (minus W&M and UVA) is less than $25K/year. So college is ~$100K. Kids can work to earn $10-12k/year. Take $5K/year in federal loans. That leaves ~$40K for parents to assist with. If student is a top student, they might get $2-3K/yr in merit.
And if the $25K/yr is too much, then utilize CC. And really, if you know money is an issue and you have a good student, then utilize Duel Enrollment while in HS, where your kid can earn their AA for basically free (most states only charge students for Books/supplies, tuition is free. With that your kid only needs 2-3 years for undergrad, the AA was virtually free. In my state, getting your AA and having a high gpa gives an advantage to getting into the state schools to finish up. But do Duel enrollment, and college will only cost you $50-60K total. So while it may not be the "elite" college experience, there are many ways to do it for reasonable cost.

I have a friend who's daughter is doing this. Got the AA, will graduate with only 2 years from a T60 State school. So college will cost $50K for them. Min wage is $15/hr+ in our area, so kid earns $15K/year working breaks and PT during school year. This kid alone can almost pay for college, because they also worked PT during HS (duel enrollment gives you lots of extra time---not just sitting in classes for 7 hours per day---this kid danced 15+ hours per week and worked 15 hours/wk in HS). So with what they saved in HS, they could in reality pay for college themselves, with a degree from our state flagship that many want to attend.

If only it were as easy as you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem here is the ludicrous cost of college.

It’s not lazy and selfish to fail to prepare for this. We shouldn’t turn an economic problem into a moral issue.

This is the best post on the thread.

I would only add that we should prepare for the system we have, it's magical thinking not to. But it's a flawed, failed system of unregulated capitalism that puts profits over people and communities, like so many sectors in the U.S.

yes college costs have skyrocketed, but there are still affordable choices. The cost for majority of VA instate schools (minus W&M and UVA) is less than $25K/year. So college is ~$100K. Kids can work to earn $10-12k/year. Take $5K/year in federal loans. That leaves ~$40K for parents to assist with. If student is a top student, they might get $2-3K/yr in merit.
And if the $25K/yr is too much, then utilize CC. And really, if you know money is an issue and you have a good student, then utilize Duel Enrollment while in HS, where your kid can earn their AA for basically free (most states only charge students for Books/supplies, tuition is free. With that your kid only needs 2-3 years for undergrad, the AA was virtually free. In my state, getting your AA and having a high gpa gives an advantage to getting into the state schools to finish up. But do Duel enrollment, and college will only cost you $50-60K total. So while it may not be the "elite" college experience, there are many ways to do it for reasonable cost.

I have a friend who's daughter is doing this. Got the AA, will graduate with only 2 years from a T60 State school. So college will cost $50K for them. Min wage is $15/hr+ in our area, so kid earns $15K/year working breaks and PT during school year. This kid alone can almost pay for college, because they also worked PT during HS (duel enrollment gives you lots of extra time---not just sitting in classes for 7 hours per day---this kid danced 15+ hours per week and worked 15 hours/wk in HS). So with what they saved in HS, they could in reality pay for college themselves, with a degree from our state flagship that many want to attend.

If only it were as easy as you say.

Well, it can be. I know many who have followed the path I outlined above.

What issues do you have with this? Why can't/couldn't your kid follow this path? Genuinely curious

[Anonymous]

My wife only worked the first 24 months of out marriage. We have been married 24 years. She made 60k a year back then.

I entered marriage myself with a net worth of around 100k. Today we have around 2 million real estate, 2 million 401k, 1.5 million stocks after tax and 500k cash or cash equivalents

We divorce she gets three million plus my SS and I am near max.

I also and over 1/2 way done paying for college.

She has no reason not to work. But to be honest 21 years outside labor force who is hiring her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife only worked the first 24 months of out marriage. We have been married 24 years. She made 60k a year back then.

I entered marriage myself with a net worth of around 100k. Today we have around 2 million real estate, 2 million 401k, 1.5 million stocks after tax and 500k cash or cash equivalents

We divorce she gets three million plus my SS and I am near max.

I also and over 1/2 way done paying for college.

She has no reason not to work. But to be honest 21 years outside labor force who is hiring her?

How much did you make per year if you've been able to accumulate such NW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

The ironic part about this is that trying to find this kind of flexibility with no updated skill set in essentially an entry level position, is nearly impossible. If college educated women choose not to leave the workforce for 10 years and kept going, they’d be skilled enough and with enough experience in white collar jobs to get one with this exact kind of flexibility! How do I know? Because I’m a mom who works fully remote at home from approx 9am to 3:30pm when my dd gets off the bus from school. I have unlimited PTO so I have no hesitation in taking sick days when my kids are home sick or need to go to appointments. Sure, I might not become a VP but I have exactly what this pp describes (and make over 160k to boot) because I didn't leave the workforce to be a sah. And if god forbid something we’re to happen to our marriage or Dh, I can support my family and have my own retirement savings. It is such a huge risk and loss that women take when they choose to stay at home.

[Anonymous]

It’s too bad society still penalizes educated women for one set of choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again. There was once I offered to a couple to walk through their finances instead of having them hire a high priced FA who would scam them. Guess who showed up, the husband not the wife.

off topic-how do you find a FA who won't scam you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

The ironic part about this is that trying to find this kind of flexibility with no updated skill set in essentially an entry level position, is nearly impossible. If college educated women choose not to leave the workforce for 10 years and kept going, they’d be skilled enough and with enough experience in white collar jobs to get one with this exact kind of flexibility! How do I know? Because I’m a mom who works fully remote at home from approx 9am to 3:30pm when my dd gets off the bus from school. I have unlimited PTO so I have no hesitation in taking sick days when my kids are home sick or need to go to appointments. Sure, I might not become a VP but I have exactly what this pp describes (and make over 160k to boot) because I didn't leave the workforce to be a sah. And if god forbid something we’re to happen to our marriage or Dh, I can support my family and have my own retirement savings. It is such a huge risk and loss that women take when they choose to stay at home.

But very rewarding. I left workforce 24 years ago. I was making 6 figures at that time, so really good money for someone 5 years out of college in the 1990s. In my heart I knew my family and kid(s) needed me at home and that is what I WANTED to do. First kid was challenging and would not have done well being left with nanny/daycare daily. Key is to have a supportive spouse who values what you contribute to the family. I was (and am) secure in my marriage and we carried significant life insurance when the kids were not thru college to cover the "god forbid" situations. It also helps that I knew my husband would go far in his career and afford us the financial ability to be single income (and I was right), so one parent at home allowed him to go further, faster because he did not have to worry about sick kids, not traveling because other spouse is that week, etc.

Everyone should do what works best for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

It is not your mom’s responsibility to pay for your college. She can live her life. I think this is incredibly selfish to expect your mom to work for years to serve you into adulthood.

I don't think it is right to saddle your kids with a ton of debt. My dad could have paid, too, he didn't and let me paying their share that is determined by the federal government.

My mom was selfish not to work in general because she did absolutely nothing. Literally. She did nothing. She was not a good parent, refused to take meds for mental illness and is still lazy and entitled. My dad is just a jerk. They purposefully did not pay the EFC as determined by financial aid forms. I could not get grants due to their income. You still do not get it. Most kids do not have to talk on private bank loans. I did. They made too much to qualify for aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

Wait.. YOU picked up THEIR tab? Entitled much?

[Anonymous]

The EFC is a number colleges claim your family should contribute. They use it to decrease the amount of other aid they make available. It doesn’t reflect the reality of your family.

My family had an EFC. My mom was a single parent. She couldn’t contribute anything. Her income was low enough I qualified for pell grants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

Wait.. YOU picked up THEIR tab? Entitled much?

You sound entitled and no one owes you college. You went to an expensive private school they could not afford vs. a state school they could. This was your fault, not theirs.