Daughter’s boyfriend taking advantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For whatever reason, she feels like if she isn’t generous - she won’t have men she likes. I say this as someone who felt the same way when I was young. I am not sure if it’s something with self esteem, or just generally a personality of a people pleaser who feels they won’t be loved if they don’t behave?
That’s where I would dig. But she may well be the product of your upbringing, so maybe it’s better if a professional handles it.

Or maybe she is really into this guy.

Yes, but why is into someone like that?! A decent guy would contribute or even pay the majority of costs

Those are the old days. Surely you would not be saying the same if the genders were reversed?

NP. In 2022, both parties in the relationship need to contribute SOMETHING. Groceries, some trips, half on the water bill, *something*. OP - look up hobosexuals. They are hard to get rid of. I would keep supporting her, and let her know that if/when she needs your help, you are there.

Yes, you hit the nail on the head! Op's daughter's "boyfriend" is a hobosexual. That is what "happened" to his last living situation--the previous girl finally wised up and kicked him out! Did your daughter ever actually see or visit him at the last situation? I'm guessing no--because it was with another woman. When he lived with that previous woman, he was probably "going out all the time without her" to see your daughter (setting up his next potential living arrangement for when the woman inevitably kicked him out.) He's learned to always have someone "waiting in the wings" to take him in.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP seems to have gone missing. It doesn't sound like she wants her daughter to grow up, but just came here to whine. It's crazy her daughter is so desperate using her parents' credit card to buy this guy a nice dinner once a week in addition to free room and board.

[Anonymous]

This is the problem with paying rent and coddling a 25 year old who is an adult! That's why she’s unable to stand up for herself. She acts like a child because you enable her. Her problem is you.

[Anonymous]

My relatives went the "say nothing so as not to ruin the relationship" and are now supporting the child and the significant other. And they got engaged. The child of my relatives is now supporting the free-loader, with help from the parents. It's a never-ending cycle. Soon to be made worse with a marriage. The only one winning is the free-loading significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My relatives went the "say nothing so as not to ruin the relationship" and are now supporting the child and the significant other. And they got engaged. The child of my relatives is now supporting the free-loader, with help from the parents. It's a never-ending cycle. Soon to be made worse with a marriage. The only one winning is the free-loading significant other.

This is why my plan is to give minimally until kids are 30 or 35. Then I will gift them more and not be stingy. They need to know the value of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My relatives went the "say nothing so as not to ruin the relationship" and are now supporting the child and the significant other. And they got engaged. The child of my relatives is now supporting the free-loader, with help from the parents. It's a never-ending cycle. Soon to be made worse with a marriage. The only one winning is the free-loading significant other.

This is why my plan is to give minimally until kids are 30 or 35. Then I will gift them more and not be stingy. They need to know the value of money.

Good plan. My parents did the same and it worked well. We had to live on our (low) salaries with roommates, learn to budget and manage our finances and pay our own way after college graduation. Once established and making more money, my parents became generous in our mid thirties. My kids are young, but I plan to operate similarly.