Allow sleepovers with boyfriend at 18?
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Anonymous
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DD is 18, a senior, and a very strong, hard working student (headed to T5 in the fall). She’s been dating her boyfriend her about 6 or 7 months, they have a very healthy & respectful relationship. He’s also 18, very smart and nice kid, and we know him and his family. She’s recently asked if we’d allow him to sleepover at our house or for her to sleep at his. On one hand, this feels like a clear no for us; on the other hand, she’s 18 so we’re trying to balance appropriate boundaries while she becomes more independent.
For parents who’ve btdt, did you allow sleepovers at 18? If so, under what rules/conditions? |
Anonymous
| Of course not. |
Anonymous
| Does she know about STDs, UTIs, symptoms, when to see gynecologist, birth control? Is she pro life or pro choice? What about him? If she can't have a conversation then she's not as mature as she thinks. |
Anonymous
| No. That's not appropriate for some that age and makes a relationship more adult than is appropriate. |
Anonymous
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It's nice she trusts you enough to ask. You need to remind her about condoms, birth control, bacterial vaginosis (did you know it happens to women because of sex?), and take her to the gyn yourself.
She's 18. She's worked hard and will leave soon to go to college without her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a nice person. Why not? |
Anonymous
| No. What a preposterous idea. |
Anonymous
| I have not been asked this but I think I would allow it. |
Anonymous
| Not in my house. |
Anonymous
If she's so bold to ask this, she's probably already doing it. It's just a question of doing it at home and having it sanctioned by her parents. |
Anonymous
Or maybe you are treating them as more juvenile than appropriate. 18 is a fully legal adult. It didn’t used to be that uncommon for people to marry at 18 and it’s never been uncommon for people to have sex at 18. |
Anonymous
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She's not asking for a sleepover.
She's asking if she and her boyfriend can have sex in your house she's also asking to do this with any future partners and younger siblings will assume the same. You are either ok with teens having sex in your house or you aren't. |
Anonymous
But she has good grades and is going to a good college! |
Anonymous
| Yes, of course. When she’s married. |
Anonymous
| I think that this is really different for a HS kid and a College kid. Hard no now. I'd think about it differently but probably land on yes for college. |
Anonymous
| OP- They have not been intimate, and she’s not planning to be, it’s a pretty innocent relationship. She’s also well educated about sexual health and safety. We try to keep communication open, and she’s very open, she tells me everything about everything, way more than I need to know. |