How to frame burnout when needing to cancel on friends?

[Anonymous]

Long story short: I've been trying to get together with two old friends for months. We've all had to cancel, but I was the most recent cancel-er.
Our dinner is slated for tomorrow but I need to cancel again.
I'm mentally fragile right now due to anxiety issues and onboarding a new med; I'm not sleeping; I'm just in a bad mental place. I've been out for work events the past several evenings. I need a night "off." It's the kind of mental sludge where showering and getting dressed just feels effortful.

I also value these friendships and feel badly cancelling for the above reasons. Would you be honest? White lie? Power through? (They live about an hour away; not neighborhood friends).

[Anonymous]

Personally I think you should power through.

[Anonymous]

You tell them you have to cancel and apologize. Unless they are willing and capable of supporting you (and you are willing and capable of accepting support), don't give a reason. "I can't make it and I'm sorry." Don't try to reschedule or make a promise you can't keep. Take good care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’d power through. Youre always gonna have something, if you value these friends, prioritize the get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you should power through.

Op is clear that she can't power through. Her first obligation is to herself.

[Anonymous]

I promise you. (PROMISE) that if you drag yourself there and take a full (wash your hair even if you then put it in a wet ponytail) shower you will feel so much better.

[Anonymous]

Power through it will be good for your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Power through it will be good for your mental health.

agree 100%

[Anonymous]

If you cancel twice in a row, don’t be surprised if they move on without you. I’m so tired of friends who flake repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you should power through.

Op is clear that she can't power through. Her first obligation is to herself.

OP literally offered power through as one option.

[Anonymous]

In your place, I would go, knowing I would feel better after doing something fun for myself. I never want to leave the house but I nearly always have a good time if I do.

Also, worth asking why your evening work events this week should get priority over these friends / yourself. Going out helps fix that imbalance.

Finally - your friends are busy and stressed too. Show up for them and respect that they blocked this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cancel twice in a row, don’t be surprised if they move on without you. I’m so tired of friends who flake repeatedly.

I think there's a difference between flaking and leveling with longtime friends about not being in a good mental spot.

[Anonymous]

I would be honest with them regardless of whether you cancel or power through. They should know what's going on in your life. There are good reasons to just push through and try to go, but if you absolutely can't, you should tell your friends why and not provide some lame excuse about work or something.

And if you do go, tell them what's going on! In fact I might even ask if you could meet earlier or switch it to drinks and appetizers somewhere instead of a sit-down dinner, so if you are wiped out you could head home a bit early. But be willing to tell your friends what you've just shared with a bunch of total strangers online, at least.

[Anonymous]

Power through. I’ve been in this predicament and feel better when I power through and am happy to be out with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cancel twice in a row, don’t be surprised if they move on without you. I’m so tired of friends who flake repeatedly.

You must not have very deep or long-lasting friendship.