How to frame burnout when needing to cancel on friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

say you have COVID

I hate when people lie AND create a situation where you worry about them. Friends might rally to make her feel better. Go out of their way to bring her something. She's on their mind even more. So wrong.

+1 and then if they reschedule it, she might actually have Covid next time. Don’t weave tangled webs!

Covid is mild in most people, so no need to worry. I’d be too embarrassed to talk about anxiety.

So then it’s a dumb excuse any time.

[Anonymous]

Make DH do more for that effing party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue for me - OP here - is that I can't veg all weekend due to family commitments (my DD's 13th birthday party) and my DH leaves on a weeklong wok trip Sunday evening. I'm just so frayed. Thanks for the input. i am going to see if we can go early so I can try for bed at a reasonable time.

Remember: you can only do what you can do, not what you cannot.

I am honestly dismayed by the number of "power through" reactions here. It's an inappropriate response to your description of the condition you're in today (particularly in light of these details about other demands you can't do anything to mitigate.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:or they have some self-respect

For dropping a long term friend who cancelled plans twice? I don’t think you know what “self-respect” means.

DP. Twice in a row, for people that live an hour away. The other people have presumably planned and shuffled their schedules to make this happen and are looking forward to it. I’m not saying the OP will or should be dropped altogether, but I would be very wary of making plans again with someone who consistently backs out at the last minute, especially if they’re not offering an honest reason.

This. Twice will become 3-4 then a dozen times over the next year and a half. Date changes, time changes, then the, I can't make it text, just as you're about to leave for the meet up. Eventually, after another year goes by you just stop reaching out and trying to get together, knowing how it ends.

[Anonymous]

I am the 15:44 pp and hit post too soon. OP, your friends want to be there for you, good, bad, tired, or otherwise. Please, if you can, meet us where you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Power through. I’ve been in this predicament and feel better when I power through and am happy to be out with friends.

+1. My rule of thumb is that if it is more of a pain to cancel and reschedule than just go, I go. I've never regretted when I have gone.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Go to a salon and get a scalp massage and a fabulous blowout. You will feel and look better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really can’t power through, make up a white lie and say you have COVID. I would roll my eyes so hard if you said that you were too burnt out to come.

Wow. You're a shite friend.

[Anonymous]

My friends are actually my friends, and not idiots, so they would understand if I told them the truth, and would want me to rest.

I'm honestly disturbed by how many people on this thread think getting your hair done and sucking it up is a solution. Either they've never known this particular kind of exhaustion (lucky them!), or they're so selfish and self-centering that they feel entitled to your time, even when the cost to you would be significant. That's not what I'd call a friend.

OP, just tell them the whole truth. You're on new meds, you haven't been sleeping, work had you hopping all last week, and you're burnt. If your friend responds like the tw@ upthread, well, they're not your friend. I would totally understand though, as would all of my social circle. I'd probably doordash you some takeout and offer to zoom visit, if you were feeling up to a virtual hangout, but leave you the eff alone if you just wanted to watch shows and decompress.

Lot of crappy "friends" on this thread though. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a salon and get a scalp massage and a fabulous blowout. You will feel and look better.

If this works for you, cool. Truly. I love that for you. Great that you have a go-to pick-you-up.

This is extra socializing to me, with someone I don't even care about, for an end result that won't make me feel any less exhausted.

What works for you isn't a one-size-fits-all solution.

[Anonymous]

If at all possible could you power through?
Trust me, I have been where you are.
I know how just simply showering or washing the dishes can seem like such a monumental task!

But oftentimes socializing ➕ being around good friends can have very beneficial effects as well.

However if you really are burned out > you can tell your friends that if you are confident that they will understand.

Best wishes!

[Anonymous]

my friends completely understood and we're doing a FaceTime call while they're at the restaurant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my friends completely understood and we're doing a FaceTime call while they're at the restaurant!

Oh good!!! I hope you feel better soon, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my friends completely understood and we're doing a FaceTime call while they're at the restaurant!

Ugh. How obnoxious! I hate when people talk on their phones in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my friends completely understood and we're doing a FaceTime call while they're at the restaurant!

Hurray! They are real friends. Hang in there, OP!