How to frame burnout when needing to cancel on friends?

[Anonymous]

or they have some self-respect

[Anonymous]

I would invite them to your house to eat take out and hang out and tell them how much you are struggling. Let them support you. Invite them in instead of pushing them away. Drop the need to appear functional or impressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you cancel twice in a row, don’t be surprised if they move on without you. I’m so tired of friends who flake repeatedly.

I think there's a difference between flaking and leveling with longtime friends about not being in a good mental spot.

If these are really good friends, then OP should be comfortable being as honest with them as she has been with us here. If she’s considering a white lie as an option, then that’s flaking to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or they have some self-respect

For dropping a long term friend who cancelled plans twice? I don’t think you know what “self-respect” means.

[Anonymous]

Can you invite to then your house and order takeout? And then scale back on Saturday activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Power through. I’ve been in this predicament and feel better when I power through and am happy to be out with friends.

+1. My rule of thumb is that if it is more of a pain to cancel and reschedule than just go, I go. I've never regretted when I have gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you invite to then your house and order takeout? And then scale back on Saturday activities?

Not OP, but that sounds like a lot more effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your place, I would go, knowing I would feel better after doing something fun for myself. I never want to leave the house but I nearly always have a good time if I do.

Also, worth asking why your evening work events this week should get priority over these friends / yourself. Going out helps fix that imbalance.

Finally - your friends are busy and stressed too. Show up for them and respect that they blocked this time.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would power through, but also offer them to come to your house if possible and order in. The need for friendship at your lowest is important. But sometimes the effort to actually leave the house makes it impossible. Is there anything you CAN do ( your house, somewhere les far, etc.) that you can communicate to your friends why the switch? Even if it isn't as "fun"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:or they have some self-respect

For dropping a long term friend who cancelled plans twice? I don’t think you know what “self-respect” means.

DP. Twice in a row, for people that live an hour away. The other people have presumably planned and shuffled their schedules to make this happen and are looking forward to it. I’m not saying the OP will or should be dropped altogether, but I would be very wary of making plans again with someone who consistently backs out at the last minute, especially if they’re not offering an honest reason.

[Anonymous]

I hope the two friends go ahead and get together

[Anonymous]

I would power through.

[Anonymous]

This is not what you want to hear, but I believe this is the event you power through and go to and then share with them your struggles. It might be very good for you to talk it out with other people. These are your friends, and they value you, you value them and Talking about our struggles is a part of friendship.

[Anonymous]

No matter what, tell them the truth about what you are going through. I mean whether you cancel or not (and I think you should). Cancelling on some fake pretext is depriving them of a chance to really act like friends, and you of support you need and are entitled to.

[Anonymous]

Power through. Promise yourself you can veg out all weekend long. But you already canceled once.