DH job misery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are mad at him because he didn't just suffer silently. You are mad at him for getting sick.

I hope someone shows this to him and he dumps you.

Yeah wait till you get sick.
"My wife is no fun and stopped doing holiday planning because she is on chemo."

[Anonymous]

OP, this is an “in sickness and in health” moment. You need to believe your husband that the job is detrimental to his mental health and you need to figure this out together. Can you create a budget that shows minimum earnings needed to stay in your house, can you supplement with savings for a bit, etc. Yes you can and should look for more work for yourself but I won’t pretend that’s as easy as others here might. And what he needs to do in order to have your support and cooperation is go to therapy. Be supportive but make that part non-negotiable.

I had a similar issue with my DH albeit we’d always both worked. We both made $200kish He downshifted due to extreme job stress, halving his income. His improved mental state ended up vastly improving our family life, which had the unintended effect of turbocharging my career. Four years later I’m making $500k, he’s making $100k, and we’re all happy.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in your shoes. Your husband hates his job. His unhappiness corrupts everything. He wants a change. If he’s thought through what he hates about his current job and what’s going to be better in his new job, it’s worth considering.

My husband just hated his life, primarily having to work and be a middle-aged person with heavy responsibilities, stuck in a marriage with someone he was not compatible with and trying to live vicariously through his kids. He also really hated his job but could never, ever muster himself to make a change, despite my repeated encouragement. He used to blame me for not figuring out for him what he should do instead of his current job/career. He enjoyed the money he made and spent freely, even as he hated the job. He became very angry, bitter, depressed, and verbally abusive. He eventually had a heart attack and then a stroke.

I’m not saying this is your situation. But what I am saying is that you and your DH can’t have it both ways. And you can’t just “get him to see” that he needs to stay in his current job. He’s deeply unhappy. Maybe it’s the job. Maybe it’s bigger than that, like he hates a lot of his life. I don’t know your relationship and I don’t know his other circumstances or life history. But I do know he’s not going to just snap out of it. He’s been soldiering on for whatever number of years. He only gets one life to live.

Among all this, make sure he gets a comprehensive physical checkup.

[Anonymous]

Spot on.
OP you are wanting to "get him to see" he must keep everything the same financially no matter what.
Seriously that's how people end up in those "single car crashes."
Start working full time. $30k can't be full time teacher salary.