DH job misery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

If you cannot cover your bills on $230k of income, then you need to reduce the bills.

Which would mean moving! I am not a magician, I can’t just undo our life.

Yes, you can move. No one thinks you are a magician. You don't even sound moderately competent.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are understandably very concerned about the money, but honestly it sounds like your husband has reached his breaking point. I would have a little more sympathy for what sounds like an untenable situation. (Not that he should be abusing you, that part is unacceptable.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

SO he is going to go from making 400k in a job where he is miserable to making 200k in a job he thinks he may like more?

OP, that's a reasonable life decision. You need to point out to him that this means he will have to step up and do more at home so you can try to make more (if you are college educated, you can make more than 30k per year doing almost anything - cmon OP). Or that you may need to sell the house.

Op, don't be selfish. 200k is a reasonable salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is saying “we can live on less, we can move, etc” but it seems very impulsive and not very strategic. I get that he hates his job but this also feels unfair to me and our children. For whatever reason this job has made him have a mental breakdown of sorts and he is still trying to piece together himself after a really bad year last year.

Do you feel that it is unfair to him that you work part time for very little money while he endures a toxic job?

And the "for whatever reason" makes me think that you haven't really taken the time to try to understand what he's going through. Of course you want him to continue with this job -- you get to work part time at a "jobby" and live comfortably.

I don’t feel it’s unfair to him because we agreed many years ago that I would stay home to take care of the children that we had and he would cover the finances. On the flipside, I would do all of the housework, cleaning, kids, schoolwork, planning, yard work, social obligations, holiday planning, taxes, finances, etc.. and there were times when my job was a lot harder than his. We had several children very close in age, and it sucked. I didn’t sleep for several years, and I never once asked him to get up in the night.
Our children are all still home with us and while they’re in school full-time, they still need us. He doesn’t see that.
I am very sad that his job has been hard the last few years and that it has brought him down. I personally think he needs medication, but he will not try that. I also suggested therapy. When my life was hard, I did not turn into drinking, I tried to do what I needed to do to get things done in a positive manner.
I am happy to work more and try to make more money, but because I’ve been out of work for so long, and because my career path is not a lucrative one (think nurse or teacher), I could never make up the difference by getting a full-time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

Well, either he has a job opportunity or he doesn't. Which is it?

Women routinely quit higher paying jobs for less stress and more family time. As long as he's prepared to take on more family responsibilities and cut back on personal expenses with a new job, then you ought to be considering what would make him happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

SO he is going to go from making 400k in a job where he is miserable to making 200k in a job he thinks he may like more?

OP, that's a reasonable life decision. You need to point out to him that this means he will have to step up and do more at home so you can try to make more (if you are college educated, you can make more than 30k per year doing almost anything - cmon OP). Or that you may need to sell the house.

I am college educated, I even have a masters degree, but the combination of being out of work for 20 years and my career path doesn’t give me a ton of options. But if anyone has any suggestions, I would be more than happy to listen! That could definitely be a good option

Op, don't be selfish. 200k is a reasonable salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

SO he is going to go from making 400k in a job where he is miserable to making 200k in a job he thinks he may like more?

OP, that's a reasonable life decision. You need to point out to him that this means he will have to step up and do more at home so you can try to make more (if you are college educated, you can make more than 30k per year doing almost anything - cmon OP). Or that you may need to sell the house.

Op, don't be selfish. 200k is a reasonable salary.

I am college educated, I even have a masters degree, but the combination of being out of work for 20 years and my career path doesn’t give me a ton of options. But if anyone has any suggestions, I would be more than happy to listen! That could definitely be a good option

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

You need to find a higher paying job if you want to compensate for his taking a lower-paying one. $200K isn't chump change.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you come up with a plan for how you can save money and share it with him?Like, "we would have to move, this is what we could afford, I could get a job making more money but to work full-time you would likely have to handle drop-offs or pick-ups?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

Well, either he has a job opportunity or he doesn't. Which is it?

Women routinely quit higher paying jobs for less stress and more family time. As long as he's prepared to take on more family responsibilities and cut back on personal expenses with a new job, then you ought to be considering what would make him happier.

When people try to be vague on here, they’re often called liars lol. He had a job interview at a place where he has a lot of contacts and feels pretty confident that he can get the job, but he has not been offered the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is saying “we can live on less, we can move, etc” but it seems very impulsive and not very strategic. I get that he hates his job but this also feels unfair to me and our children. For whatever reason this job has made him have a mental breakdown of sorts and he is still trying to piece together himself after a really bad year last year.

Do you feel that it is unfair to him that you work part time for very little money while he endures a toxic job?

And the "for whatever reason" makes me think that you haven't really taken the time to try to understand what he's going through. Of course you want him to continue with this job -- you get to work part time at a "jobby" and live comfortably.

I don’t feel it’s unfair to him because we agreed many years ago that I would stay home to take care of the children that we had and he would cover the finances. On the flipside, I would do all of the housework, cleaning, kids, schoolwork, planning, yard work, social obligations, holiday planning, taxes, finances, etc.. and there were times when my job was a lot harder than his. We had several children very close in age, and it sucked. I didn’t sleep for several years, and I never once asked him to get up in the night.
Our children are all still home with us and while they’re in school full-time, they still need us. He doesn’t see that.
I am very sad that his job has been hard the last few years and that it has brought him down. I personally think he needs medication, but he will not try that. I also suggested therapy. When my life was hard, I did not turn into drinking, I tried to do what I needed to do to get things done in a positive manner.
I am happy to work more and try to make more money, but because I’ve been out of work for so long, and because my career path is not a lucrative one (think nurse or teacher), I could never make up the difference by getting a full-time job.

You made an agreement years ago, but now he has had a mental breakdown due to his job and you aren't willing to reconsider? You sound really heartless, if this job causes him to be suicidal might you allow him to make a change or is the money really worth his mental health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has been very immature the last few years, telling me that he will be nicer when he is happier in his job, as though that is excuse to treat me like garbage

Hon, get your ducks in order to dump this guy.

Oh, yeah, the $30k that she earns a year is going to be great for her. Lol.

She can make more. I've seen sahms that have been out of work for 20 years dump husbands like this and do just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

You need to find a higher paying job if you want to compensate for his taking a lower-paying one. $200K isn't chump change.

But if it's not enough to sustain their current lifestyle, and he's used to buying his way out of all child care and domestic work, he's going to have to give up at least one of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

If you cannot cover your bills on $230k of income, then you need to reduce the bills.

Which would mean moving! I am not a magician, I can’t just undo our life.

NP Then be miserable.

"I am not a magician" FFS. People will use any excuse to avoid completely reasonable changes to improve their lives.

You are choosing misery. Be miserable.

[Anonymous]

are you for real? you can't be.