DH job misery

[Anonymous]

So OP, you said that you and your DH agreed to this arrangement 20 years ago. How old are your kids?

And what was his job at the time you guys had that agreement? It wasn't the job he hates. How much money was he making?

[Anonymous]

Gosh when we decided this he was probably making 75k, it was awhile ago! Our kid are all teens now so they are in school all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh when we decided this he was probably making 75k, it was awhile ago! Our kid are all teens now so they are in school all day.

And now he wants a job making 200k, so he didn't break the promise. You've both just overshot the lifestyle and need to dial it back.

And really, you've gotten many years of being a SAHM while he works hard in a really stressful job. It's on you both now to figure out a better path.

[Anonymous]

OP wants to collect his life insurance.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband is sort of between your husband and the PP’s dentist husband. He’s been happier in the past by since he has workaholic tendencies he is generally stressed in any job. I would still not want to say no to this. If your husband is that miserable it’s going to really damage your marriage to not let him make a change that could really help him. I agree completely that you need a budget and he needs to cut back on spending. I would focus on how to make it work rather than saying no. If you have high school age kids maybe you can pick up more hours?

[Anonymous]

Don’t let your husband suffer for an extra 200k per year. That amount of money isn’t worth it to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

There has to be something between 200 and 400

[Anonymous]

It does not sound like you have a choice because he is already so miserable at his current job that he has started looking for new work. He should realize that he needs to cut back on his splurges, and both of you need to take a hard look at your budget. You may not need to move. The 200k job may not be permanent. He may get raises and bonuses and maybe when he is in a better place mentally, he can move to another opportunity that pays more. I really applaud your husband for recognizing his current work is unsustainable for himself and the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

You can definitely do atleast 70k. How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

If you cannot cover your bills on $230k of income, then you need to reduce the bills.

Which would mean moving! I am not a magician, I can’t just undo our life.

Yet people do it everyday

Sometimes you have to downsize your life to make it work.

+1 Sell the house and buy a smaller one or rent until kids are out of the house.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you confirm if your spouse is a lawyer? I didn’t understand why people were guessing that aside from being miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you confirm if your spouse is a lawyer? I didn’t understand why people were guessing that aside from being miserable

OP here- He is not a lawyer. Yes I would think there would be something between 200-400k, I told him to let this job go and try to get one for 275-300 but that didn’t sit well with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you confirm if your spouse is a lawyer? I didn’t understand why people were guessing that aside from being miserable

OP here- He is not a lawyer. Yes I would think there would be something between 200-400k, I told him to let this job go and try to get one for 275-300 but that didn’t sit well with him.

You find a job for 70k. Everyone has one these days. Then he can go for 200k. I bet it's easier for you to find 70k than it is for him to find 275.

[Anonymous]

Op time for you to return to work ma’am.

[Anonymous]

You’ve been out of the work force for 20 years? Time to get back in and move if necessary. You are being ridiculous.