DH job misery

[Anonymous]

DH is so miserable in his job that he is making us all miserable. This has been going on for for years. It has made him a bit bipolar honestly - drinking, anger, mood swings etc. He recently decided he is going to try to get a job that pays half as much, which would put us in a situation where we can’t afford our life. We don’t have an extravagant lifestyle, but we do have a pretty high mortgage. I work part-time and would be willing to work more, but due to my line of work, my earning capacity is so much less than his. I also do everything with our children, house, finances, life, etc. literally all of it.
He likes being comfortable and being able to get lunch out or go to a movie when he wants (again, nothing extravagant) but none of this is registering to him right now, he just seems hell bent on taking this new job if he is offered it. How do I get him to see that life is expensive and we can’t just “cut back” bc there isn’t that much to cut back?

[Anonymous]

Can't answer this without actual HHI we are talking about.

$100k vs $50k is different from $1M vs $500k.

And do you have incomem

[Anonymous]

Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

[Anonymous]

More like 400-200 and I do have income already yes, but only like 30k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

[Anonymous]

He has been very immature the last few years, telling me that he will be nicer when he is happier in his job, as though that is excuse to treat me like garbage

[Anonymous]

Let me guess -- he is an associate at a law firm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has been very immature the last few years, telling me that he will be nicer when he is happier in his job, as though that is excuse to treat me like garbage

Hon, get your ducks in order to dump this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

If you cannot cover your bills on $230k of income, then you need to reduce the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has been very immature the last few years, telling me that he will be nicer when he is happier in his job, as though that is excuse to treat me like garbage

Hon, get your ducks in order to dump this guy.

Oh, yeah, the $30k that she earns a year is going to be great for her. Lol.

[Anonymous]

He is saying “we can live on less, we can move, etc” but it seems very impulsive and not very strategic. I get that he hates his job but this also feels unfair to me and our children. For whatever reason this job has made him have a mental breakdown of sorts and he is still trying to piece together himself after a really bad year last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that you should live off that reduced amount now before making the decision so he can see the impact on his and the family lifestyle. No lunch, no movie, and he starts pitching in more at home so you can find higher paying work. Frankly, I would be preparing for a divorce since he sounds very selfish and immature.

The problem is that he thinks a job has presented itself and wants to jump on it asap.

No, he does not get to do that when he is a father and has bills to cover!

If you cannot cover your bills on $230k of income, then you need to reduce the bills.

Which would mean moving! I am not a magician, I can’t just undo our life.

[Anonymous]

you can live on 230k for the sake of your husband's sanity. get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is saying “we can live on less, we can move, etc” but it seems very impulsive and not very strategic. I get that he hates his job but this also feels unfair to me and our children. For whatever reason this job has made him have a mental breakdown of sorts and he is still trying to piece together himself after a really bad year last year.

Do you feel that it is unfair to him that you work part time for very little money while he endures a toxic job?

And the "for whatever reason" makes me think that you haven't really taken the time to try to understand what he's going through. Of course you want him to continue with this job -- you get to work part time at a "jobby" and live comfortably.