Nanny bringing child on vacation with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you going to be in a house? A hotel? Does this change logistics in terms of sleeping, transportation? Those are the considerations I would focus on versus an extra meal here and there.


Also, if you are staying at a resort, do you use the kids club versus taking your nanny normally? What are your children’s expectations for vacation? You have never stated their ages.

The nanny would presumably have her own room with a bed bigger than a twin bed, which she can share.

OP, if you and your kids like your nanny and she’s been with you a long time, I would allow this and basically tell the nanny to have lunch with you but that she should have her own plans for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Do you <need>a nanny on your vacation or is it a nice-to-have perk?

[Anonymous]

I bring my kid on business trips and so I wouldn’t be shocked if my employee asked the same.

That said I think it’s generally better to hire a local nanny if possible, because they’ll have more local knowledge and create part of the novelty of being on a trip. It means more more on the front end but if you return to the same few places often it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

I'm here, just enjoying watching this thread dissolve as the DCUM crazies come out from the woodwork.

We have a good relationship with our nanny. I think she would be offended if we did not include her in ANY restaurant meals, hence my original post. I agree with other commenters who pointed out we don't need to invite her to everything, particularly fancier meals.

I never suggested she is required to work 24/7 during the trip. I'm aware of what's market for taking nannies on vacation and we offered terms consistent with that.

But folks are right, we actually hate our kids so we're going to drop them off at the fire station tomorrow morning and enjoy this trip solo. Thanks for the revelation!

It sounds like your nanny had already considered the likelihood that you wouldn't want to pay for her daughter's meals when she suggested that she cover those expenses.

You are the one choosing to doubt whether that will be true. If you would prefer not to have to worry about it, just say so. Don't sit here being all smug about fire stations as though you didn't come here looking for validation to tell her no.

What does the handwringing about bringing a nanny on vacation have to do with the question of whether to allow the daughter to come given the context I provided?

I fully expect her to say she can’t come if she can’t bring her daughter. And that’s perfectly fine. We will live. This was a nice to have for us. As I said previously, this was an additional request not in her contract. The people getting hysterical over bringing a nanny on vacation are distracting from the topic of this thread.

I think it is so very out there to have a nanny with you on vacation, you don’t seem to understand how very privileged you seem. My DH is a partner at a large law firm, the vast majority of our friends are super successful, country club types. I don’t know a single person who has ever brought a nanny on vacation with them. Ever. I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t want to spend time with your kids on vacation. Are you Kim Kardashian? So the fact that you asked about doing that and then are worried about paying for a couple extra meals for a teenager? No wonder you are getting these responses.

You have the chance to do something very nice and kind for the woman who cares for your kids! It will be hugely beneficial for them with very downside to you! The teenager would otherwise probably be stuck sitting around at home while her dad works, when she could be on vacation, exploring a cool new place while her mom is working for you! Without her daughter, the nanny may not want to go out to eat or shopping or whatever on her own. What is she going to do with the downtime you have promised her? Sit around with your family and probably get roped into doing more job tasks? She already worked 9-5 but it’s 6:15 and little Susie needs a new diaper, guess who is probably going to be asked to change it?? You could be earning some major good will and just being good people for the low cost of a potentially covering a couple restaurant meals, but instead you are going to reject this very reasonable request so you can save a little bit of money. I bet you are Trump supporters.

Lol. Don’t know what to tell you. Same career and this is common among people we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

I'm here, just enjoying watching this thread dissolve as the DCUM crazies come out from the woodwork.

We have a good relationship with our nanny. I think she would be offended if we did not include her in ANY restaurant meals, hence my original post. I agree with other commenters who pointed out we don't need to invite her to everything, particularly fancier meals.

I never suggested she is required to work 24/7 during the trip. I'm aware of what's market for taking nannies on vacation and we offered terms consistent with that.

But folks are right, we actually hate our kids so we're going to drop them off at the fire station tomorrow morning and enjoy this trip solo. Thanks for the revelation!

It sounds like your nanny had already considered the likelihood that you wouldn't want to pay for her daughter's meals when she suggested that she cover those expenses.

You are the one choosing to doubt whether that will be true. If you would prefer not to have to worry about it, just say so. Don't sit here being all smug about fire stations as though you didn't come here looking for validation to tell her no.

What does the handwringing about bringing a nanny on vacation have to do with the question of whether to allow the daughter to come given the context I provided?

I fully expect her to say she can’t come if she can’t bring her daughter. And that’s perfectly fine. We will live. This was a nice to have for us. As I said previously, this was an additional request not in her contract. The people getting hysterical over bringing a nanny on vacation are distracting from the topic of this thread.

The "handwringing" about taking the nanny on vacation is that you are clearly wealthy enough to have this "nice to have" vacation amenity but are doubting whether this person will actually pay for what she said she would pay for in your original post. What she proposed sounded reasonable to a lot of people - bring daughter, pay daughter's way - while what you are handwringing about is whether she will actually pay for her daughter's expenses. If you don't want your nanny distracted from your children, just say so. That's actually a reasonable position, unlike "I'm worried we might have to pay for the daughter's meals at the fancy places we like to eat" which was your actual original concern in your first post.

I think you are being smug now because you were expecting everyone to be as entitled as you, and shockingly, they're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

I'm here, just enjoying watching this thread dissolve as the DCUM crazies come out from the woodwork.

We have a good relationship with our nanny. I think she would be offended if we did not include her in ANY restaurant meals, hence my original post. I agree with other commenters who pointed out we don't need to invite her to everything, particularly fancier meals.

I never suggested she is required to work 24/7 during the trip. I'm aware of what's market for taking nannies on vacation and we offered terms consistent with that.

But folks are right, we actually hate our kids so we're going to drop them off at the fire station tomorrow morning and enjoy this trip solo. Thanks for the revelation!

It sounds like your nanny had already considered the likelihood that you wouldn't want to pay for her daughter's meals when she suggested that she cover those expenses.

You are the one choosing to doubt whether that will be true. If you would prefer not to have to worry about it, just say so. Don't sit here being all smug about fire stations as though you didn't come here looking for validation to tell her no.

What does the handwringing about bringing a nanny on vacation have to do with the question of whether to allow the daughter to come given the context I provided?

I fully expect her to say she can’t come if she can’t bring her daughter. And that’s perfectly fine. We will live. This was a nice to have for us. As I said previously, this was an additional request not in her contract. The people getting hysterical over bringing a nanny on vacation are distracting from the topic of this thread.

The "handwringing" about taking the nanny on vacation is that you are clearly wealthy enough to have this "nice to have" vacation amenity but are doubting whether this person will actually pay for what she said she would pay for in your original post. What she proposed sounded reasonable to a lot of people - bring daughter, pay daughter's way - while what you are handwringing about is whether she will actually pay for her daughter's expenses. If you don't want your nanny distracted from your children, just say so. That's actually a reasonable position, unlike "I'm worried we might have to pay for the daughter's meals at the fancy places we like to eat" which was your actual original concern in your first post.

I think you are being smug now because you were expecting everyone to be as entitled as you, and shockingly, they're not.

It's almost as if there is a lack of trust with the Nanny or, OP thinks Nanny lies. There's something deeper than having to pay for extra dinners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

Seconding this. I have childcare for my kids when I'm working but on vacation? Are you guys incapable of handling your own kids?

The parents probably do this so they can actually have a “vacation” instead of watching kids all the time. Have you ever had a relaxing vacation with young kids?
However it seems kind of unfair to the nanny unless they pay her well and don’t expect her to be there 24/7.

I actually enjoy spending time with my children, call me crazy.

These kids are being raised by nanny, and they are attached. If nanny doesn’t go, it will be a bunch of sad kids who constantly tell mom “nanny does this better than you”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You asked if she would come and she gave you the terms under which she can do it. She obviously cannot leave her minor child at home to go on vacation with you.

How badly do you want the extra help? That's your answer.

+100

[Anonymous]

Biglaw partner here as well. I, too, have never heard of my partners taking a nanny along on a family vacation. Yes, I’ve heard of parents going away on a couples vacation and leaving their kids with the nanny - but going on a family vacation, and taking the nanny with them? That is not typical. But I don’t view it as “privileged.” I view it as sad.

But to me, the saddest part of this entire thing is that we have an obviously wealthy family who is heavily dependent on their nanny but who nonetheless is fretting over the possibility that she might have to buy the nanny’s teenage daughter a meal or two? That more than anything says a lot about OP. Most people would be more concerned about including a nanny and her daughter on a family vacation because including them would change the entire dynamic of the trip. How often do you actually go away with just you and the children, OP? You’ve just revealed that you continue to lurk on this thread and amuse yourself with the responses, so please let us know what drives your thinking here.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, any chance you are in bounds for Lafayette Elementary in DC and have a rising 1st grader (by age) that you are trying to get into kindergarten?
Your attempts to justify your selfishness and privilege remind me of someone.

[Anonymous]

I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

No - I should have specified in my post. I'm not referring to the OP. I'm responding to all the people who are saying how sad/lazy/etc it is to take a nanny on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

No - I should have specified in my post. I'm not referring to the OP. I'm responding to all the people who are saying how sad/lazy/etc it is to take a nanny on vacation.

But here’s the thing: in this context it really IS all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies usually do not bring their children on their bosses' vacation, even teens who are self-sufficient and do not get in the way.

But if you are kind-hearted and the teen is well-behaved, then it could work out. It would just be very unusual.

If the teen is self-sufficient enough to not be an issue on this trip then why are they not self-sufficient enough to remain at home? Just saying that there may be more to this teen than OP knows and that can be part of the equation.

For a week while the parent is far far away? My parents did this in a suburb (long weekend away, not international, not for a week) many years ago but asked all the neighbors to watch out because my 15 year old sister was home. On the Saturday cars were showing up parked around the block...not in front of our house... one of the neighbors walked over to our house and boom! Sister having a party with many kids 0 music, beer, etc! He walked in, sent the kids home and told her that she either told our parents or he would. If it had been me I would never have had a party, (firstborn, never broke any rules) but my sister was willing to push the envelope - although she never did it again! Also, this was in a suburb a zillion years ago - not a city, or sketchy part of a suburb.