Nanny bringing child on vacation with us

[Anonymous]

I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

No - I should have specified in my post. I'm not referring to the OP. I'm responding to all the people who are saying how sad/lazy/etc it is to take a nanny on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a full-time nanny with a family for 5 years and I went on several vacations with them. They were upper class, but definitely not wealthy. I was single with no kids so it was easy for me to travel. I was paid my normal weekly rate with all my expenses paid, but I was only "on-duty" for a couple hours every day.

I realize my situation was unique and not everyone has a close relationship with their nanny, but it worked for us. We genuinely enjoyed spending time together. It wasn't because they didn't want to take care of their kids.

Uh huh. And based on what you have read from OP and this thread, do you really think she falls into the same category as you did when it comes to her relationship with her nanny?

No - I should have specified in my post. I'm not referring to the OP. I'm responding to all the people who are saying how sad/lazy/etc it is to take a nanny on vacation.

But here’s the thing: in this context it really IS all of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies usually do not bring their children on their bosses' vacation, even teens who are self-sufficient and do not get in the way.

But if you are kind-hearted and the teen is well-behaved, then it could work out. It would just be very unusual.

If the teen is self-sufficient enough to not be an issue on this trip then why are they not self-sufficient enough to remain at home? Just saying that there may be more to this teen than OP knows and that can be part of the equation.

For a week while the parent is far far away? My parents did this in a suburb (long weekend away, not international, not for a week) many years ago but asked all the neighbors to watch out because my 15 year old sister was home. On the Saturday cars were showing up parked around the block...not in front of our house... one of the neighbors walked over to our house and boom! Sister having a party with many kids 0 music, beer, etc! He walked in, sent the kids home and told her that she either told our parents or he would. If it had been me I would never have had a party, (firstborn, never broke any rules) but my sister was willing to push the envelope - although she never did it again! Also, this was in a suburb a zillion years ago - not a city, or sketchy part of a suburb.

[Anonymous]

I'm a retired government lawyer and the spouse of a Big Law partner. Our three kids are now in college and grad school, but when they were little we were fortunate enough to have a wonderful nanny for 10 years. We never asked her to join us on vacation, though we did go to a family camp for several summers when they were young. We've also had a terrific housekeeper for 20 years. In both cases, we got to know our employees' families and have attended baptisms, weddings and, sadly, funerals for their family members.

Having had good relationships with two long-term family employees, what I find odd about OP's opening statement and her subsequent remarks is that she doesn't seem to trust her nanny or to want to get to know the nanny's family. Yet, OP leaves her children in the care of her nanny with the expectation that the nanny will guide them, show them kindness, protect them and keep them safe. Honestly, it kind of blows my mind to think that anyone would have a household employee that they regarded with such little trust and warmth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a retired government lawyer and the spouse of a Big Law partner. Our three kids are now in college and grad school, but when they were little we were fortunate enough to have a wonderful nanny for 10 years. We never asked her to join us on vacation, though we did go to a family camp for several summers when they were young. We've also had a terrific housekeeper for 20 years. In both cases, we got to know our employees' families and have attended baptisms, weddings and, sadly, funerals for their family members.

Having had good relationships with two long-term family employees, what I find odd about OP's opening statement and her subsequent remarks is that she doesn't seem to trust her nanny or to want to get to know the nanny's family. Yet, OP leaves her children in the care of her nanny with the expectation that the nanny will guide them, show them kindness, protect them and keep them safe. Honestly, it kind of blows my mind to think that anyone would have a household employee that they regarded with such little trust and warmth.

THIS right here. It's clear that OP views the nanny as merely an "employee" and not a trusted member of her family. Might as well ask the landscaper to come on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Op why don't you learn to be a parent and enjoy time with your kids without help. Plenty of people know how. So sad

[Anonymous]

Is the Nanny’s daughter old enough to possibly help care for your children as well?

That might be the only way that I would be okay w/her joining you - - otherwise it would be too expensive in the long run.

And yes, if she comes you likely would be expected to cover her meals as well as transportation ➕excursion expenses.

[Anonymous]

Pay for the damn meals

[Anonymous]

If I want the nanny to be there to assist the children for the meal, I would pay for the nanny’s daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the Nanny’s daughter old enough to possibly help care for your children as well?

That might be the only way that I would be okay w/her joining you - - otherwise it would be too expensive in the long run.

And yes, if she comes you likely would be expected to cover her meals as well as transportation ➕excursion expenses.

Worth it but maybe OP needs to find out the hard way (vacation without help).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the Nanny’s daughter old enough to possibly help care for your children as well?

That might be the only way that I would be okay w/her joining you - - otherwise it would be too expensive in the long run.

And yes, if she comes you likely would be expected to cover her meals as well as transportation ➕excursion expenses.

This is gross. It reads like you are only OK with this if it’s made clear that the child is the “help” and not equal to your children.

[Anonymous]

Ok I haven’t read all of the replies, so maybe someone has already said something along these lines, but I’d actually view the daughter coming as a net positive. Perhaps the daughter can hang with the kids and play with them in the pool during the days, and then she can also being with your nanny in the evenings so you don’t need to worry about the nanny feeling left out, or maybe the nanny would otherwise not want to go exploring in the evening on her own without the daughter. If you do have the daughter come, you just have to accept it and can’t let yourself be annoyed by it. If you say yes to it, then you have to let go of any resentment you might have about it, otherwise it will ruin your trip. Ignore the people who say it’s weird to bring a nanny on a trip. It’s a luxury for sure, but if that what works for you guys, who cares what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Biglaw partner here as well. I, too, have never heard of my partners taking a nanny along on a family vacation. Yes, I’ve heard of parents going away on a couples vacation and leaving their kids with the nanny - but going on a family vacation, and taking the nanny with them? That is not typical. But I don’t view it as “privileged.” I view it as sad.

But to me, the saddest part of this entire thing is that we have an obviously wealthy family who is heavily dependent on their nanny but who nonetheless is fretting over the possibility that she might have to buy the nanny’s teenage daughter a meal or two? That more than anything says a lot about OP. Most people would be more concerned about including a nanny and her daughter on a family vacation because including them would change the entire dynamic of the trip. How often do you actually go away with just you and the children, OP? You’ve just revealed that you continue to lurk on this thread and amuse yourself with the responses, so please let us know what drives your thinking here.

I know a lot of families who bring nannies or au pairs along. The issue is that the nanny also has kids and they are her priority.