How do you deal with friends having affairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to stay out of it, operationally and logistically. I also do NOT judge. I know people who have deep emotional wounds and for whom that sort of cheating was a last resort, often in response to their spouse doing something equally wrong. So I do not automatically blame the visible cheater. Betrayals take many shapes and forms.

But DCUM usually knows only one form of betrayal and judges accordingly.

OP, you are not in their shoes. If I were you, I wouldn't take on this burden of judgement. You don't know what you don't know.

OP sounds like she just wants to opt out of the drama. This is fine.

[Anonymous]

I would not stay friends with someone having an affair

[Anonymous]

I think I’d just tell them I know, tell them they’d better not use me as an Alabi in any way, and tell the kids also know. Then I’d make sure my kids knew that I told her and that they didn’t need to keep the secret anymore. Let the friend do the right thing and tell the husband before he finds out in another way.

[Anonymous]

Slow fade.

[Anonymous]

Stop being friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not stay friends with someone having an affair

OP has no proof, just a feeling, that her friend is having an affair. She sounds immature and ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are exciting. Lets be honest. Anytime married people of the opposite sex have an attraction that must be kept inside it creates sexual tension. That is your mind and body want it. Best to avoid temptation if you can

Bisexual people are just doomed to have no friends due to all the possible sexual tension. Bummer for them.

Just wondering: are you attracted to every member of the sex that you’re attracted to? Like it’s impossible for you to have a single friend of that sex because all you can think about is doing it to them all the time?
Interesting...

[Anonymous]

I have never once had to deal with this. Either my friends don't cheat or they don't trust me with their secrets.

[Anonymous]

When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never once had to deal with this. Either my friends don't cheat or they don't trust me with their secrets.

Prob both

[Anonymous]

Have we not yet covered the option of joining in?

[Anonymous]

It's fine to be friends. My social circles don't think anything of having a mistress and it's pretty common to discuss at the cigar bar etc. If you go to church or hang around military officers then it's probably not a good idea to discuss "cheating"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never once had to deal with this. Either my friends don't cheat or they don't trust me with their secrets.

Statistically speaking, it's the latter. There's no way you don't have a single friend who cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are exciting. Lets be honest. Anytime married people of the opposite sex have an attraction that must be kept inside it creates sexual tension. That is your mind and body want it. Best to avoid temptation if you can

I would not claim to know the excitement of an affair because I avoid the temptation with personal boundaries and a functioning moral compass. Unfortunately, my STBX WW was not strong in either department. She destroyed many relationships for the “high”. The relationships that she still has knew about the affair and helped her get away with it because they were having affairs of their own. Birds of a feather flock together, I would rather have people in my life that understand the difference between right and wrong.

+100 cheaters hang with other cheaters or those w/out morals/empathy. Poor character traits.

Hahahahaha. I guarantee you know someone who has cheated but they just didn't tell you. Why? See above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.