How do you deal with friends having affairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a male and I found my best friend of 20 years, female, was cheating on her DH. I completely cut her out of my life. I didn’t even like her husband. It is trashy behavior and not the type of people I want to associate with,

-1

I strongly disagree with this.
(Flame away!)

I feel a good, authentic friend is one who may not agree with everything a friend may do but would not banish them out of their lives entirely over something they disagreed with - even strongly.

If I had a best friend since say high school or college and they were very loyal to me and were there for me during the good as well as the bad times…..if they were very supportive of me during difficult times and I knew I could count on them for anything….

Well if they confided in me that they were having an affair, would I simply cut them out of my life completely??!
Absolutely not.
While I wouldn’t approve of what they were doing, as their friend I would not sever ties w/them over a bad decision.
I would continue to be their friend, loyal and supportive.
Now if they were abusing their children or had killed someone then that would be a crime and of course I would end my friendship with that person.

However overall I am a very dedicated friend I would like to think. ❤️

So you would aid and abet them in deceiving their spouse? How nice.

That is not what PP said at all. Pay attention. Being a good friend to someone who has cheated means telling them what they did was wrong, helping them see how much it can hurt others, helping them extricate themselves from the situation, and giving them the kind of support they need to be the kind of person they want to be. Dropping them will only make them spiral into more self destructive behaviors.

DP I’m close with all my good friends’ spouses . I’ve known them over two decades so that would be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair I ended our friendship that day and deleted her from my phone. As I said to DH, "It's as if she died."

I get the gut reaction, but what if she were in just an absolutely horrible marriage? I understand cheating is wrong, but maybe a little compassion to at least figure things out a bit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair I ended our friendship that day and deleted her from my phone. As I said to DH, "It's as if she died."

When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair, I didn't do anything. She doesn't have kids, and I knew her ex-husband (she since filed for divorce) but we weren't very close. Maybe I'd have felt differently if there had been kids or I'd been close friends with him, but she's my friend and I wouldn't stop being friends with her because she did a bad thing. I've never cheated and I can't imagine doing, but people like the PP are either (1) lying or (2) delusional about their moral high ground.

It’s certainly clear what your morals are like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair I ended our friendship that day and deleted her from my phone. As I said to DH, "It's as if she died."

When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair, I didn't do anything. She doesn't have kids, and I knew her ex-husband (she since filed for divorce) but we weren't very close. Maybe I'd have felt differently if there had been kids or I'd been close friends with him, but she's my friend and I wouldn't stop being friends with her because she did a bad thing. I've never cheated and I can't imagine doing, but people like the PP are either (1) lying or (2) delusional about their moral high ground.

It’s certainly clear what your morals are like.

It’s certainly clear that the mother from the novel Carrie was your role model.

[Anonymous]

Affairs are exciting. Lets be honest. Anytime married people of the opposite sex have an attraction that must be kept inside it creates sexual tension. That is your mind and body want it. Best to avoid temptation if you can

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair I ended our friendship that day and deleted her from my phone. As I said to DH, "It's as if she died."

dramatic much. she's better without you.

Says the cheater.

No, just a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I found out one of my closest friends was having an affair I ended our friendship that day and deleted her from my phone. As I said to DH, "It's as if she died."

I get the gut reaction, but what if she were in just an absolutely horrible marriage? I understand cheating is wrong, but maybe a little compassion to at least figure things out a bit?

Then you act like an adult and leave the marriage.

[Anonymous]

My friend of many years had an affair. I had also known her husband for probably 20 years. She had started distancing herself from me, calling me less, not interested in getting together. Her husband told my husband's about it. She eventually stopped contacting me so I took the hint and stopped on my end. I lost a friend but I don't think I could have gone along with it anyway. Her father had had a long term affair when we were growing up and I found it interesting that she repeated his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lord. How'd you find out? Your kids know? How old are they?

teens. I am not going to say how, and TBH I do not have proof of sexual contact, just behavior and other friends hinting on it as if they suspected. It's another reason I am not confronting the friend as I cannot accuse anyone of cheating if I do not have undeniable proof. But the "lover" did/said something that revealed things to me and in a manner traumatic to me, and it's why I didn't want to be around this person.

You sound like you love the drama, honestly.

The opposite: I hate drama. I was dragged into it and it was dramatic, I didn't ask for it. I would rather be oblivious and keep on living my life as I do not have proof of actual cheating, just people insinuating. There were things done and said that made me believe rumors might be true, but I have no proof.
All I want if I could is for things go back to normal

Uh… wut? You have zero proof. This whole thread is moot. People flirt, do things you might not, but that doesn’t mean they have cheated. You absolutely love drama because you made this thread when you have no proof. The answer is, get your own life so you don’t think about your friend’s so much.

Holy hell, yes. OP you are assuming you know things that you don’t. You’re absolutely nuts.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. NOYB.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care less, to be honest, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are exciting. Lets be honest. Anytime married people of the opposite sex have an attraction that must be kept inside it creates sexual tension. That is your mind and body want it. Best to avoid temptation if you can

I would not claim to know the excitement of an affair because I avoid the temptation with personal boundaries and a functioning moral compass. Unfortunately, my STBX WW was not strong in either department. She destroyed many relationships for the “high”. The relationships that she still has knew about the affair and helped her get away with it because they were having affairs of their own. Birds of a feather flock together, I would rather have people in my life that understand the difference between right and wrong.

[Anonymous]

What if it's your single friend having an affair with a married person? My friend wasn't cheating on anyone, but she was enabling a man to cheat. I was uncomfortable with it, but it didn't affect our friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if it's your single friend having an affair with a married person? My friend wasn't cheating on anyone, but she was enabling a man to cheat. I was uncomfortable with it, but it didn't affect our friendship.

I think it's hysterical that these people who act all high and mighty likely have good friends who have cheated or are cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend of a Friend: We found out her Mr. Perfect was married because the wife showed up at brunch and went ballistic. It was scary snd embarrassing. We’ve never been able to go back there again, which sucks. Mr. Perfect left the wife, but married someone else.

Mom of DD’s then best friend. She snuck out during a Mother-Daughter sleepover to hook up in my backyard with her ex (her DD’s dad) who was married to someone else. After they hooked up, he told her his wife was pregnant again. She woke me up at 1 AM to ask me to drive her to get a Plan B.

Ha! That’s what she gets