How do you deal with friends having affairs?

[Anonymous]

Have we not yet covered the option of joining in?

[Anonymous]

It's fine to be friends. My social circles don't think anything of having a mistress and it's pretty common to discuss at the cigar bar etc. If you go to church or hang around military officers then it's probably not a good idea to discuss "cheating"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never once had to deal with this. Either my friends don't cheat or they don't trust me with their secrets.

Statistically speaking, it's the latter. There's no way you don't have a single friend who cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are exciting. Lets be honest. Anytime married people of the opposite sex have an attraction that must be kept inside it creates sexual tension. That is your mind and body want it. Best to avoid temptation if you can

I would not claim to know the excitement of an affair because I avoid the temptation with personal boundaries and a functioning moral compass. Unfortunately, my STBX WW was not strong in either department. She destroyed many relationships for the “high”. The relationships that she still has knew about the affair and helped her get away with it because they were having affairs of their own. Birds of a feather flock together, I would rather have people in my life that understand the difference between right and wrong.

+100 cheaters hang with other cheaters or those w/out morals/empathy. Poor character traits.

Hahahahaha. I guarantee you know someone who has cheated but they just didn't tell you. Why? See above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.

I will cut people off solely for cheating. It’s a non-negotiable red line for me. I’ve seen the horrible fallout of infidelity first-hand in my parents generation and I don’t need to tolerate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.

I will cut people off solely for cheating. It’s a non-negotiable red line for me. I’ve seen the horrible fallout of infidelity first-hand in my parents generation and I don’t need to tolerate that.

Ha, ok. Be sure your friends know that so they don't accidentally slip up and tell you about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.

I will cut people off solely for cheating. It’s a non-negotiable red line for me. I’ve seen the horrible fallout of infidelity first-hand in my parents generation and I don’t need to tolerate that.

Ha, ok. Be sure your friends know that so they don't accidentally slip up and tell you about it.

That’s fine, plenty of people on this planet if I lose a friend or 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

What if instead she had been contrite and apologetic and said she didn't know what had possessed her to do that?

You sound like the people who cut their Trumper relatives off. You cut them off because they're awful people, not solely because they voted for Trump, although some people seem to have a really hard time understanding that distinction. Sounds like you cut these friends off because they were obnoxious, not solely because they cheated.

I will cut people off solely for cheating. It’s a non-negotiable red line for me. I’ve seen the horrible fallout of infidelity first-hand in my parents generation and I don’t need to tolerate that.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When 2 different people in our social circle were known to be engaging in affairs I immediately cut ties with them. It sucked to lose the friendships but I couldn’t look at them the same way anymore. One was even bragging about how she bagged someone else’s husband after a year’s campaign, like it was some great prize.

Gross. I would have done the same.

[Anonymous]

Mind your business, but distance yourself if you feel uncomfortable. We never truly know what is going on with others.

[Anonymous]

This is not prevalent in any of our friend circles and cultural groups.

I would probably drop the friend who cheats?

Wouldn't want to associate with such a person because in our groups, I would be judged for having such a friend.

[Anonymous]

I went out for a few drinks with some new work colleagues the other day and asked them about their families, since they had each mentioned visiting parents recently. One guy in his 40s mentioned how he walked in on his dad cheating on his mom when he was in his teens and he now has young step-siblings by his dad's 2nd marriage. He said it destroyed his family, ruined any chance of him having a healthy relationship for a decade while he was in therapy, and his once close relationship with his dad is now very distant. I wonder if these cheaters ever think about what they could be doing to their children with their selfishness, they don't care about their vows to their spouses but do they care at all about their children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out for a few drinks with some new work colleagues the other day and asked them about their families, since they had each mentioned visiting parents recently. One guy in his 40s mentioned how he walked in on his dad cheating on his mom when he was in his teens and he now has young step-siblings by his dad's 2nd marriage. He said it destroyed his family, ruined any chance of him having a healthy relationship for a decade while he was in therapy, and his once close relationship with his dad is now very distant. I wonder if these cheaters ever think about what they could be doing to their children with their selfishness, they don't care about their vows to their spouses but do they care at all about their children?

Nope. They are selfish. 100% self-centered. Anyone thinking about their kids would never cheat. It’s brings too many potential dangerous elements to your doorstep,

[Anonymous]

One of my friends brought their affair partner on a mixed-gender friend trip. It was crazy, because all of us knew their spouse and attended their wedding a few years prior.

I posted about it here a long time ago. It was a very long thread.

Btw, they are still married and now have kids!