Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?

[Anonymous]

Op what do you want out of a relationship. I’m thinking you may just want a relationship but not have thought about qualities you want.

Do you want someone to go adventures with? Then you can still bring that up.

Do you want someone who is low key and stays at home while you go in adventures? Then you should talk about what you do at home and cultivate that.

I think once you figure out who or what qualities or even what kind of relationship you want (marriage family or just dating) you will start attracting and seeking that type.

[Anonymous]

I think you should be yourself, present the best version of yourself on first dates, recognise that the man has to bring something to the table worth considering as well and continue with the numbers game.

People can change, but people can't keep up a facade if they're not presenting who they really are at the start of relationships. You want to end up with a man who appreciates you for you.

(But literally nobody cares or is impressed by your travel)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be yourself, present the best version of yourself on first dates, recognise that the man has to bring something to the table worth considering as well and continue with the numbers game.

People can change, but people can't keep up a facade if they're not presenting who they really are at the start of relationships. You want to end up with a man who appreciates you for you.

(But literally nobody cares or is impressed by your travel)

I agree with everything the PP said, except I am interested in hearing that people like to travel, from the perspective that they are open minded and like to explore other cultures/ ways of viewing the world. I think OP your travel could be used as a touchstone to show you have qualities of being open and a life long leaner (attractive) vs. seeming to be the bragging and self absorbed (not attractive).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am turned off by women’s epic travel stories. Reading profiles from women that post all their pictures from Tibet, Rome, on safari etc and blather on and on about passport stamps is annoying and sets an unrealistic expectation for others. Like it’s all you talk about, all your interested in and it’s a sneak peak into the future relationship. People who haven’t been to those exotic locales can’t relate.

+1

It's not even not being to those places; everyone can buy a cheap ticket and go anywhere. It's making it your entire personality that's the issue, which sounds like a defense mechanism against actually having one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I can’t argue that these PPs advice is wrong in that it wouldn’t yield better dating success, I can’t ignore the sexism pervasive in these dating standards:

Women shouldn’t talk too much, let the men do the talking
Don’t ever boast about your accomplishments
Don’t be too “intense” about anything
And women should never ask a guy out first.

Guess we haven’t come as far as we’ve thought.

Also, this dialogue:

“Are you overweight?”
OP: No, I’m thin and athletic
“Maybe you’re lying and you’re actually fat”
OP: No, I’m really not. I have a nice figure.
“Omg, you’re so arrogant and full of yourself if you say you’re not fat!”

The second part (the weight) I agree with you on. The first part I think is misconstruing what we're saying. It it's not sexy or appealing to boast about accomplishments on a first date, whether you're a man or woman. A first date is not the time to play the raconteur (raconteuse?) and assume the other person wants to be an audience for your best stories. It's very presumptuous.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've been a good sport about the criticism on this thread. I would think about your other relationships (romantic but also your friendships). How did those start? What was the context in which you met, how did they unfold, how do you sustain them? I would think about trying to replicate that kind of energy in a dating context.

[Anonymous]

OP may be thin, but her carbon footprint is Sasquatch-sized.

[Anonymous]

Maybe online dating just isn’t the best fit. You seem really into outdoor/travel/adventure. I feel like you are more likely to naturally meet someone likeminded training for an Ironman or at a climbing gym or something.

[Anonymous]

I think conversation is the issue. Stop highlighting stories from trips, etc….let the conversation be natural and flow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe online dating just isn’t the best fit. You seem really into outdoor/travel/adventure. I feel like you are more likely to naturally meet someone likeminded training for an Ironman or at a climbing gym or something.

I suggested this to OP pages ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turned off by women’s epic travel stories. Reading profiles from women that post all their pictures from Tibet, Rome, on safari etc and blather on and on about passport stamps is annoying and sets an unrealistic expectation for others. Like it’s all you talk about, all your interested in and it’s a sneak peak into the future relationship. People who haven’t been to those exotic locales can’t relate.

+1

It's not even not being to those places; everyone can buy a cheap ticket and go anywhere. It's making it your entire personality that's the issue, which sounds like a defense mechanism against actually having one.

It's actually about your low self-esteem and that you won't easily be able to impress a woman like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I can’t argue that these PPs advice is wrong in that it wouldn’t yield better dating success, I can’t ignore the sexism pervasive in these dating standards:

Women shouldn’t talk too much, let the men do the talking
Don’t ever boast about your accomplishments
Don’t be too “intense” about anything
And women should never ask a guy out first.

Guess we haven’t come as far as we’ve thought.

Also, this dialogue:

“Are you overweight?”
OP: No, I’m thin and athletic
“Maybe you’re lying and you’re actually fat”
OP: No, I’m really not. I have a nice figure.
“Omg, you’re so arrogant and full of yourself if you say you’re not fat!”

DCUM is a very sexist and misogynistic place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've been a good sport about the criticism on this thread. I would think about your other relationships (romantic but also your friendships). How did those start? What was the context in which you met, how did they unfold, how do you sustain them? I would think about trying to replicate that kind of energy in a dating context.

OP are you on the spectrum? There are a few signs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turned off by women’s epic travel stories. Reading profiles from women that post all their pictures from Tibet, Rome, on safari etc and blather on and on about passport stamps is annoying and sets an unrealistic expectation for others. Like it’s all you talk about, all your interested in and it’s a sneak peak into the future relationship. People who haven’t been to those exotic locales can’t relate.

+1

It's not even not being to those places; everyone can buy a cheap ticket and go anywhere. It's making it your entire personality that's the issue, which sounds like a defense mechanism against actually having one.

It's actually about your low self-esteem and that you won't easily be able to impress a woman like OP.

Go after her, white knight. Maybe you can regale her with your accomplishments as a federal contractor at Deloitte and your recent adventure in Tulum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am turned off by women’s epic travel stories. Reading profiles from women that post all their pictures from Tibet, Rome, on safari etc and blather on and on about passport stamps is annoying and sets an unrealistic expectation for others. Like it’s all you talk about, all your interested in and it’s a sneak peak into the future relationship. People who haven’t been to those exotic locales can’t relate.

+1

It's not even not being to those places; everyone can buy a cheap ticket and go anywhere. It's making it your entire personality that's the issue, which sounds like a defense mechanism against actually having one.

It's actually about your low self-esteem and that you won't easily be able to impress a woman like OP.

Maybe you are right, but I'm a woman and I can't stand all the travel talk that people get into.

Frankly, I think if you buy into travel and exotic destination porn, you are selfishly destroying the environment both through you own air travel and by visiting some place that is probably pretty special on our earth. The earth is not here as our plaything. We need to respect and protect it. If you think you are exempt, you are wrong. Watch travel tv or explore the wildlife in your own area first.

So sure, maybe it is low self-esteem I totally own that I have it, but i'm not impressed by that level of selfishness. I think it is an adrenaline rush and it makes you feel important by visiting these places.

I'm married though and not out looking for a man, but just want to say that not everyone holds the same values and Op and PP can both find their people. I do judge you for your travel. I would also ohhhh and ahhh to your face when you describe it so you will never know what I really think because I'm just being nice.