Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why it's mysoginistic to tell someone to not constantly talk about themselves and their experiences and to ask questions to the other person. I'm female and in my single days I went on dates with guys who spent most of the time like OP does. The dates were pretty miserable and I had no interest in a second date.

It's not misogynistic to tell people not to talk about themselves too much. It's misogynistic to say let the guy do most of the talking, guys are interested in your interests etc. but you knew this already

[Anonymous]

OP I saw your update and it's awesome that you are taking suggestions and trying a different approach. Personally, I haven't been on a date for years, so I really admire your efforts! I hope you find someone you click with. You sound like a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny how everyone is focused on the "travel stuff" but we all know it's her looks or age or both.

It’s not her looks. People like so many things, that statistically some would be into it. I’m fat, and some guys find me sexy and some don’t.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for the update, OP, and congrats on a great date! Please keep us updated- there are many of us cheering you on, and we know you'll meet a great person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update.

I went on a date last night, practicing some of your advice.
First, I dressed cute and sexy but not over the top like I was trying to be something.
It was a bar, but it was casual and open ended with no expectations. It was fun.

I did not bring up travel until he asked, and I didn’t prattle on about it. Didn’t even detail specific places other than that I had lived abroad and learned to like some music from different places. But mostly that part of the conversation was about music, which was what we really clicked about, talking about different bands and the like and how both of us found it tedious learning guitar fundamentals. Instead of asking places he had been to (making it sound like a set up to compare passport stamps) I asked instead what he likes to do when he has time off from work. He does like traveling, but more domestically and more for music festivals and concerts. He is active, but more into soccer than mountain climbing. So it’s cool that there are similarities and then differences within those similarities… makes getting to know someone interesting. I probably asked him two questions about himself for every one question he asked about me, and showed interest in what he had to say. I’d like to say I was more mindful but less tense.
He wasn’t my usual “type” but attractive in an offbeat sort of way. He said he’d like to see me again, I said sure, but no concrete plans yet. I feel laid back about it, it would be fun to see him again but not the end of the world if I don’t. I have two other dates for the next week. Maybe I’ll get better?

I had no idea this thread would drag out so long honestly, but I do appreciate the straightforward answers. I actually expected more snark. Am I on the spectrum? Who knows, maybe I am, maybe we all are to some degree. As far as social cues go, I think I am instead hyper-aware if not paranoid and skeptical of taking peoples word face value (for example, guys who appeared interested in the travel stories, I had a hunch that they were lying or being fake, and I often have a first assumption that people are being fake, but that’s a whole other issue)

this is really great! OP, i applaud you for being such a good sport about this, taking the good advice and not letting the really harsh advice bum you out. Good luck! I have a good feeling for you!

I mean, it’s DCUM. Of course it was going to be harsh. I did ask for it and I’ll take it or leave it. What I do know is if the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result… well maybe I should change something to get a different result.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t make any sense. Even frumpy, plain women find boyfriends. My gut tells me you have tonsil stones and don’t realize it and no one going to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t make any sense. Even frumpy, plain women find boyfriends. My gut tells me you have tonsil stones and don’t realize it and no one going to tell you.

OP made the entire thing up so she could pst some MRA nonsense.

[Anonymous]

OP is LARPing. Her stories feel a little too stereotypical.