I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for women who have really gone through abuses. It is horrible and shouldn't happen in our society.

On the other hand, claiming abuse is also one of the easiest ways to get a significant upper hand in the divorce process and lawyers use it very liberally. My own lawyer asked me to use that at several places and I was shocked to see that.

What a terrible idea. When women accuse their ex spouses of abuse they are less likely to get custody.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not just leaving.

He’s cheating, but he doesn’t want to announce that to his best friend because he doesn’t want to be judged.

Once a sufficient amount of time has passed, he will introduce everyone to his new soulmate.

Won't everyone see right through that? He will still be judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for women who have really gone through abuses. It is horrible and shouldn't happen in our society.

On the other hand, claiming abuse is also one of the easiest ways to get a significant upper hand in the divorce process and lawyers use it very liberally. My own lawyer asked me to use that at several places and I was shocked to see that.

What a terrible idea. When women accuse their ex spouses of abuse they are less likely to get custody.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/a-gendered-trap-when-mothers-allege-child-abuse-by-fathers-the-mothers-often-lose-custody-study-shows/2019/07/28/8f811220-af1d-11e9-bc5c-e73b603e7f38_story.html

I don’t know what state you live in but in my own divorce my lawyer didn’t care at all and neither did the state. And I really was physically abused for years, with plenty of documentary evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 friends who recently divorced.

1- wife was nuts. Lots of mental problems. Eventually denied sex to the husband completely, which was a dealbreaker for him. They divorced, and now she dates women.

2 - wife had a difficult personality, which may or may not have contributed. Husband did shift work and had a lot of free time during the day, and eventually found a way to fill it...with another woman.

3 - Couple I'm not as close with seemed to have a nice family, but the woman seemed like the one in charge. I notice that can be a difficult dynamic. They divorced and now she dates women.

My two other friends who divorced in the past few years both have significant mental illness. My mentally stable friends seem to have stable marriages.

Seems a little strange that you are friends with so many mentally unstable women and closet lesbians married to blameless men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 friends who recently divorced.

1- wife was nuts. Lots of mental problems. Eventually denied sex to the husband completely, which was a dealbreaker for him. They divorced, and now she dates women.

2 - wife had a difficult personality, which may or may not have contributed. Husband did shift work and had a lot of free time during the day, and eventually found a way to fill it...with another woman.

3 - Couple I'm not as close with seemed to have a nice family, but the woman seemed like the one in charge. I notice that can be a difficult dynamic. They divorced and now she dates women.

My two other friends who divorced in the past few years both have significant mental illness. My mentally stable friends seem to have stable marriages.

Seems a little strange that you are friends with so many mentally unstable women and closet lesbians married to blameless men.

+1. It's like a lightening bolt hit this person and they're writing about it. It's a strange post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nice couples don’t get divorced out of the blue. I’m guessing he isn’t nice. Men always get the benefit of the doubt and mom get judged harshly

+1. That is why so many women stay quiet about their cheating/abusive/crazy husbands. It's too bad that women are the ones who are blamed (it's always the crazy trope too.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nice couples don’t get divorced out of the blue. I’m guessing he isn’t nice. Men always get the benefit of the doubt and mom get judged harshly

+1. That is why so many women stay quiet about their cheating/abusive/crazy husbands. It's too bad that women are the ones who are blamed (it's always the crazy trope too.).

I just don’t get this. Wouldn’t you rather tell people the truth rather than they think it was your fault or you just gave up on your marriage? I don’t believe in divorce but if my husband ever leaves me I’m not going to lie about what happened.

[Anonymous]

My best friend, who I know from 3rd grade, recently got divorced. Except me and my wife no one in our friend circle knows the details. They are all mystified.

Friend's wife has hooked up with her college BF for the last 3 years. BF joined the same company that my friend's wife works and they found each other again.

[Anonymous]

I'm from VA no one wanted to hear about what my spouse or I did or didn't do. The courts just want to move it along, dispose of the assets, clear the docket. 50/50, no good guys or bad guys. Don't make trouble, nothing to see here, move along.

Claims of terrible behavior don't help in my experience. Yours may vary.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t get this. Wouldn’t you rather tell people the truth rather than they think it was your fault or you just gave up on your marriage?

Who cares what they think?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine got divorced last year after his wife had a few year affair. They were a nice couple. He’s open about what happened because he said if he wasn’t most people would assume it was his fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine got divorced last year after his wife had a few year affair. They were a nice couple. He’s open about what happened because he said if he wasn’t most people would assume it was his fault.

Well, it depends. There may also be reasons she had the affair you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I just don’t get this. Wouldn’t you rather tell people the truth rather than they think it was your fault or you just gave up on your marriage?

Who cares what they think?

Well they do clearly. I was responding to the posters who claim that they are vague about the reason for fear of being judged/blamed. If I know your husband cheated, then I blame him. If you say “we drifted apart” then I blame you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I just don’t get this. Wouldn’t you rather tell people the truth rather than they think it was your fault or you just gave up on your marriage?

Who cares what they think?

Well they do clearly. I was responding to the posters who claim that they are vague about the reason for fear of being judged/blamed. If I know your husband cheated, then I blame him. If you say “we drifted apart” then I blame you both.

If you “blame” anybody without, you know, actual information, that’s being kinda stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I just don’t get this. Wouldn’t you rather tell people the truth rather than they think it was your fault or you just gave up on your marriage?

Who cares what they think?

Well they do clearly. I was responding to the posters who claim that they are vague about the reason for fear of being judged/blamed. If I know your husband cheated, then I blame him. If you say “we drifted apart” then I blame you both.

If you “blame” anybody without, you know, actual information, that’s being kinda stupid.

NP. I agree with PP. Knowing the truth about a person is a good thing as it helps you further your understanding of what kind of person that is. what's so bad about knowing, especially if that person is a cheater/abuser etc.