I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere

[Anonymous]

I know somebody who got married at 19 because she felt pressured into it by both her very religious family and her then-boyfriend. She felt like she couldn’t say no. It was a terrible match. She is smart and ambitious and always active, he plays a lot of video games and never reads or is interested in something that requires an intellectual challenge. She was miserable. Not just miserable like “wow my life sucks,” but she had major anxiety issues and depression. She tried her best for I think years but decided she just couldn’t live her life like that.

She has no desire to remarry and assumes that her ex will remarry (but he is a good person so I personally think he will remarry somebody who will make a great stepmom, and I had a terrible stepmom so I have a bias against them).

I think she absolutely made the decision. She’s going to be a much better mom to her kids. It will be very hard for them but not as hard as it would be had my friend kept trying to white knuckle their way through the marriage her whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't tell anyone I was being physically abused. Don't assume you know everything.

This. Never told anyone until I left and filed. We were a “nice couple” perfect from the outside. PS DH was also an alcoholic, no one knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know somebody who got married at 19 because she felt pressured into it by both her very religious family and her then-boyfriend. She felt like she couldn’t say no. It was a terrible match. She is smart and ambitious and always active, he plays a lot of video games and never reads or is interested in something that requires an intellectual challenge. She was miserable. Not just miserable like “wow my life sucks,” but she had major anxiety issues and depression. She tried her best for I think years but decided she just couldn’t live her life like that.

She has no desire to remarry and assumes that her ex will remarry (but he is a good person so I personally think he will remarry somebody who will make a great stepmom, and I had a terrible stepmom so I have a bias against them).

I think she absolutely made the decision. She’s going to be a much better mom to her kids. It will be very hard for them but not as hard as it would be had my friend kept trying to white knuckle their way through the marriage her whole life.

Sorry, I think they were married for ten years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

You have no idea if it was out of nowhere. My situation: everyone said I had cold feet and should just get married in my early 30s. It was never the right relationship. We were never happy. We put on a good show. I wanted out immediately but had an unplanned pregnancy and then we "Tried to make it work"...divorced after 10 years.

What appears to be is not always the reality. Also, there is often emotional abuse in these situations and it takes years to see clearly.

[Anonymous]

I can pretty much guarantee there’s something going on that they’re not sharing. Respect their privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

I'm not nosy. I didn't even talk to him. HE called my husband and WANTED TO TELL HIM.

I'm still in complete shock. You wouldn't be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seeing so many couples break up I can't help but wonder- did I cause the divorce by not being a better friend?

It’s not about you. It’s not about you.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people reach middle age, say 45, and have been married 15-20 years and wonder is this going to be what it’s like for the next 30? Whatever marital issues they are having start growing in magnitude. If a dead bed is the issue one of them can easily stray. Maybe the solution is having marriage contracts that have to be renewed every five years and if one decided to opt out the marriage is over with assets being split. Prior to the end of the five years there would certainly be some discussion of the next five years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

Sigh. Bad parenting ruins kids. That could be in marriage or divorce. Divorce itself does not ruin kids. It can be done to minimize effects. Being in a miserable household witnessing a bad relationship does far more long-term damage to children (because it models a bad relationship and that will shape their own choices) than a divorce that is done in a respectful way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

I'm not nosy. I didn't even talk to him. HE called my husband and WANTED TO TELL HIM.

I'm still in complete shock. You wouldn't be?

No, I wouldn't care either way. Not my business. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee, OP. It's almost as if people don't owe you the personal and private details of their marriage and their decisions.

Get a life.

I don't need to know the private details. It seems pretty obvious that their kids would be better off with their parents together and the parents are just being selfish. But clearly you all think getting divorced is NBD so have fun, I guess?

I have two children and have been happily married for 10 years, but nice try.

Anyway, the husband isn't telling you the reasons because it's none of your business. Buzz off. Buzz. Off. You are nosy, intrusive and think you are owed personal information. You are not. By the way, you might want to look to your own marriage--happy people don't get this fixated and don't project so much. Best of luck.

I'm not nosy. I didn't even talk to him. HE called my husband and WANTED TO TELL HIM.

I'm still in complete shock. You wouldn't be?

DP here and wow this is not the right way to look at it. I would be in shock yes but I wouldn’t presume to think that they or the kids would be better off staying married. It’s so incredibly personal.

[Anonymous]

People don’t divorce for no reason and it’s none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People keep things private. It wasn't out of nowhere it was none of your business.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, do you wish you could get divorced to? Maybe you should consider it. No snark, but divorce isn’t always a bad thing.