I will never understand why nice couples with children get divorced out of nowhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“divorced for no reason” or “without even trying therapy”?

That’s what people probably think about me and my ex. Even after the divorce I invited him over several times a week for dinner, to all the kids activities and even went out with him and the kids once a weekend. Many people didn’t even know we were divorced.

He probably tells his friends that he was such a nice guy he “let” me have custody because he travels for work a lot.

The real truth is that he was having sex with prostitutes, colleagues, pickups, etc., unbeknownst to me. He also was stealing my prescription medication, drinking in secret and was undiagnosed bipolar. Once I unravelled enough of the story to confront him, he denied everything and gaslit me for more than a year.

I invited him over to keep an eye on him and the kids until they were old enough to protect themselves in his presence.

Do you think I’m going to tell that story to anyone in my community? My children & I would be shunned. I only told a few friends and family members who I knew would believe and support me. I didn’t want to have to re-visit the trauma each time I told someone, so I limited that.

This all happened pre-Me Too, so maybe if it happened now I could expect more sympathy and support, but I doubt it.

From my experience, nope. The betrayed and abused are still held to 'something must have been wrong with her or she must have stopped sleeping with him'....that kind of complete sexist BS. THE WORST THIS COMES OUT OF THE MOUTH OF OTHER WOMEN!!

[Anonymous]

Many couples hit the 15-20 year mark or the empty nester period and just decide enough is enough. They certainly had some issues along the way but now it’s just boredom and being weary of having just a roommate. One of them decides to a bit of the apple and it’s quickly over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many couples hit the 15-20 year mark or the empty nester period and just decide enough is enough. They certainly had some issues along the way but now it’s just boredom and being weary of having just a roommate. One of them decides to a bit of the apple and it’s quickly over.

Problem is, if it involved a SAHM or one in the couple had a relatively low income, it kills retirement plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would probably never guess my DH told me to ABORT our perfectly health second child because he decided he just doesn't like kids. Do you think I'm going to broadcast that?

Yes we are divorced. I dumped him and kept the kid.

Is he involved with the second child at all?

Yes. Now he wants to pretend it never happened.

They have a strained relationship. To her detriment. It's very sad. I think because she was a baby when he left, they never really bonded.

[Anonymous]

THere were some surprises in the friend group. A year after the divorces were settled or litigated you'd find out.

One ex died and then funeral had donations to #autism, #bipolar nonprofits. No idea on that, but doesn't sound like a piece of cake to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know there’s no abuse, adultery, or addiction?

Because its the close friend of my husband and he confirmed it. He's basically just...leaving her.

Do you really think he'd admit to his friend he is cheating, hits his wife, or is an addict? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would probably never guess my DH told me to ABORT our perfectly health second child because he decided he just doesn't like kids. Do you think I'm going to broadcast that?

Yes we are divorced. I dumped him and kept the kid.

Is he involved with the second child at all?

Yes. Now he wants to pretend it never happened.

They have a strained relationship. To her detriment. It's very sad. I think because she was a baby when he left, they never really bonded.

Unless he was gone for years after her birth they still should have a bond and I have to wonder if bthe strain is something you are projecting or perhaps creating because of your own hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

It’s not out of nowhere. You’re just not an insider. MYOB

[Anonymous]

He’s not just leaving.

He’s cheating, but he doesn’t want to announce that to his best friend because he doesn’t want to be judged.

Once a sufficient amount of time has passed, he will introduce everyone to his new soulmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would probably never guess my DH told me to ABORT our perfectly health second child because he decided he just doesn't like kids. Do you think I'm going to broadcast that?

Yes we are divorced. I dumped him and kept the kid.

Is he involved with the second child at all?

Yes. Now he wants to pretend it never happened.

They have a strained relationship. To her detriment. It's very sad. I think because she was a baby when he left, they never really bonded.

Unless he was gone for years after her birth they still should have a bond and I have to wonder if bthe strain is something you are projecting or perhaps creating because of your own hurt feelings.

Maybe.

But oh the stories I could tell. But this thread is not about me....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can pretty much guarantee there’s something going on that they’re not sharing. Respect their privacy.

This! My ex is your dentist. You have no idea. Total sham of a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for women who have really gone through abuses. It is horrible and shouldn't happen in our society.

On the other hand, claiming abuse is also one of the easiest ways to get a significant upper hand in the divorce process and lawyers use it very liberally. My own lawyer asked me to use that at several places and I was shocked to see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't tell anyone I was being physically abused. Don't assume you know everything.

+1 Only a few people know the extent of his abuse. On the surface, I looked like I was the one going crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would probably never guess my DH told me to ABORT our perfectly health second child because he decided he just doesn't like kids. Do you think I'm going to broadcast that?

Yes we are divorced. I dumped him and kept the kid.

Is he involved with the second child at all?

Yes. Now he wants to pretend it never happened.

They have a strained relationship. To her detriment. It's very sad. I think because she was a baby when he left, they never really bonded.

Unless he was gone for years after her birth they still should have a bond and I have to wonder if bthe strain is something you are projecting or perhaps creating because of your own hurt feelings.

A guy who does something like this -- that's not a momentarily slip-up, that is a deep issue that causes all kinds of other problems.

[Anonymous]

Nice couples don’t get divorced out of the blue. I’m guessing he isn’t nice. Men always get the benefit of the doubt and mom get judged harshly