Can you tell me about upscale southern culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there asian/black/Spanish/ people in the upscale southern culture? If so, do you posters admire them as well?

Of course there are wealthy Southern people of these demographics, but this is not the group OP is discussing. Go troll somewhere else.

It’s a white only thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Quintessential genteel southern family

What? No. They’re not Southern, they’re Texan.

Actually the Bushes are quintessential New England WASP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Quintessential genteel southern family

What? No. They’re not Southern, they’re Texan.

The Bush family is originally from New Haven, CT. They are not Southern. His wife is Texan. Still not Southern.

Also, Southern families love college football.

W is an old-money, blue-blooded new englander. the public seemed to buy his aw shucks, i'm just a good old boy from texas act, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Be sure that your daughter is willing to do these things and buy in. She will represent her husband and his family and they wont take kindly to someone who doesnt tow the line.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married into a WASP-ish/Southern-ish family.

Some of the lifestyle elements include:

- dressy and dressy casual most of the time. Khaki shorts and polos for men and sun dresses for women
- pearl earrings and minimal accessories
- minimal makeup and unfussy hair but long lean athletic tanned bodies
- Think Brooks brothers, J Crew, Talbots, Vineyard Vines
- lots of family time and large family vacations
- Sailboat motifs in decorating
- extravagant decorating and a focus on keeping a beautiful home
- not very worldly and U.S focused
- pride in classic all American life and experience
- haunts include Charleston, Nantucket and Rhode Island
- family business is finance and sales

People from the deep south are going to Nantucket and Rhode Island?? Not IME. Agree with the rest.

+1

Please, no. Plus, this Southern nonsense is hilarious, especially the "expectations" and "conformity" - shoot me now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gucci is kind of tacky and Eurotrashy, no?

My DH is from a Virginia plantation family. We're one of the original families of this area. Their hobbies are Dog shows, horses, boats, that kind of thing.

Oh...and their other hobby is casual racism.

think of it as an homage to their history

Keep your racist BS to yourself.

How exactly do you think dynastic wealth centered around plantations was created?

You should read up on reconstruction. A significant percentage of modern “plantation” owners were northerners (“carpet baggers”) who went South and bought land at courthouse sales after the Civil War, when the owners couldn’t pay the taxes. We lived in a southern town with gorgeous antebellum homes that survived the war, and almost none of them were owned by the original families, even immediately after the war. There was one house that famously was owned by the same family, but that was because a rich man from the North was there when the tax sale happened, and he took pity on the owner and paid the taxes for him. These new owners benefited from the aftermath of slavery, but there aren’t that many families who have owned their land since antebellum times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

This is pretty much the only person on this thread that knows what they are talking about.

FWIW, a person living in the South will have more social and business interactions with people of color on a daily basis than most Northerners. I grew up in the South, and live there now, and Washington, DC was the most segregated place I ever lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bless your heart!

Indeed.

Yes, upscale Southerners are beautiful, cultured, and educated. Children are raised with manners, style, and charm. Boys look you in the eye when they shake your hand and girls know to compliment the hostess on her home decor. Mothers dress very well and coordinate the clothing of the entire family. Beachy brands like Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, etc. They take professional family portraits for their holiday cards. Monogrammed stationery and hand-written thank you notes.

Not at all any different than my relatives in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Yep. And the summer homes are in Cape Cod or Maine.

Yeah, no comparison.

I live in the South, and about half my rich friends have houses in Maine or upstate NY (places like the Thousand Islands). The other half have houses in Colorado or WY, with the occasional Asheville or Highlands, NC thrown in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mean the descendants of slave owners?

That would be pretty much anyone whose family was in the US before the mid-19th century. Much of NYC was built by slaves. Learn some history: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_slavery_in_New_York_(state)

There was a great episode of “Finding Your Roots” with Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick, and she was so proud of her old New England roots. Until she found out that the New England Sedgwicks were slave owners. Ooops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

This is pretty much the only person on this thread that knows what they are talking about.

FWIW, a person living in the South will have more social and business interactions with people of color on a daily basis than most Northerners. I grew up in the South, and live there now, and Washington, DC was the most segregated place I ever lived.

I grew up in the south, with northern parents. I went to college in the south and live in DC now. I agree so much with both these posters.

[Anonymous]

My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

This is pretty much the only person on this thread that knows what they are talking about.

FWIW, a person living in the South will have more social and business interactions with people of color on a daily basis than most Northerners. I grew up in the South, and live there now, and Washington, DC was the most segregated place I ever lived.

Same. Au park liberals are all for yard signs but terrified of actual diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

This is pretty much the only person on this thread that knows what they are talking about.

FWIW, a person living in the South will have more social and business interactions with people of color on a daily basis than most Northerners. I grew up in the South, and live there now, and Washington, DC was the most segregated place I ever lived.

Same. Au park liberals are all for yard signs but terrified of actual diversity.

+100

They have all the right BLM/"we're glad you're our neighbor"/"hate has no home here" signs, but would NEVER step foot WOTP or south of Nats Stadium, or send their kids to a non-JKLM DCPS school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

This is completely on the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a person descended from poor white trash who went to southern private schools for 16 years, both k-12 and college, I am an outside observer on the subject of southern rich people.

Some are casually racist, some are not. Usually the richer and more well educated they are, the less classist and racist they are (in my experience) and try to make everyone feel welcome.

The warnings:

If the family welcomes all family members, they will usually have a number of eccentric family members they are fine with. And gay uncle Larlo and his partner Miles, for example, will be invited and embraced at family events, even if they aren't completely out. See, at least partially: a famous politician from SC.

Not all rich southern families are casually racist, but again, those with less money and less education than others are more likely to be racist than the richer, more educated families.

Beware any rich southerners who are still South Baptist or evangelical--they are the most likely to be racist. Episcopalians and Presbyterians, less so.

If I were your DD, I would plan for a longer engagement--she will need it if planning a large wedding that includes the groom's whole family and their old friends.

The one thing I have seen trip up people who marry into rich "old" southern families are the expectations: she needs to figure out what expectations there may be before actually getting married.

Does his family expect them to go to the family vacation house every single year, no matter what?
Does his family expect the couple to live near them, no matter what?

Does his family expect her to dress and act a particular way? (for example, many of the wealthier southern women I know have a fairly strict unwritten dress code, unless they are considered "eccentric.") It's fine to be eccentric, but there will be pressure to conform, which may continue on if they family is really conservative.

Does his family expect women to stay home and not work after they have children? Do any of his female family members work after having children?

If his family is old southern money, they are used to getting what they want. Your dd needs to observe his family and especially the female relatives, to see if there are any expectations they might not be talking about, which they assume everyone knows about already.

I've known really welcoming, wonderful, generous "old money" southern families, and then I've known others that could have stepped out of a southern gothic novel from the 1950s.

As someone who escaped a rich old southern family this person knows of what they speak