Is my husband gay or am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he is bi ???? Sorry but there is no such thing as a bi-sexual man. Men are either straight or gay, there’s really no In between

Where on gods green earth are you getting this information. And are you over 70?

I think sexuality is more on a spectrum with a majority falling to either the straight or gay side. That doesn't mean bisexuality doesn't exist. I think some bisexual people can lean more towards one side or the other though.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who divorced the guy hooking up with men from Craigslist.

I just wanted to add that it's not as clear-cut as "is he gay and lying to OP" or not. My ex seems to genuinely believe that having sex with men doesn't mean he's attracted to men and therefore he's still 100% straight. I dont think he's gaslighting me, I think he's gaslighting himself. And it's even more perplexing in my case, because his family is liberal and there's no pressure to stay closeted.

So OP's husband might truly not consider himself gay, might be telling "his" truth if he denies being gay, and might still be engaging in behavior that is dangerous to OP. That's why I hesitate to encourage OP to keep her head in the sand. I only found out my ex's extracurricular activities because he gave me an STD. His reason for not using protection was that all of the guys were straight and married and therefore not promiscuous. *insert alllll the roll-eyes*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HER HUSBAND IS GAY WTF PEOPLE WAKE UP

+1

These commenters, at best, have one token gay friend.

On the other hand, as I said before, I am probably one of the only conservative Christians here, and most people here probably don’t have many conservative Christian male friends, and I have dozens and have known hundreds. His behavior is typical of that culture.

On the other other hand, I’m probably the only Mormon on here and this guy’s behavior is typical of the dozens of the gay Mormon men I know. This is how people who have gay shame act.

My husband and I grew up in the Mormon religion as well although no longer active. I had suspicions about my husband as well regarding his sexuality. He had a low drive, didn’t seem to notice me or get excited even when I would wear lingerie, and never seemed to notice other attractive women. Took him years into the marriage to tell me he does have some sexual attraction towards men and considers himself bisexual or bicurious but not gay. I was angry he kept this from me and never mentioned it prior to getting married but he said he loves me and our family and has no desire to ever act on anything. Who knows if he is really gay and just saying he’s bisexual. Either way I feel cheated out of a having good sexual relationship where I feel attractive and wanted. So my advice OP is to trust your gut instincts because mine turned out to be correct.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's normal to wonder if your husband is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HER HUSBAND IS GAY WTF PEOPLE WAKE UP

+1

These commenters, at best, have one token gay friend.

On the other hand, as I said before, I am probably one of the only conservative Christians here, and most people here probably don’t have many conservative Christian male friends, and I have dozens and have known hundreds. His behavior is typical of that culture.

On the other other hand, I’m probably the only Mormon on here and this guy’s behavior is typical of the dozens of the gay Mormon men I know. This is how people who have gay shame act.

My husband and I grew up in the Mormon religion as well although no longer active. I had suspicions about my husband as well regarding his sexuality. He had a low drive, didn’t seem to notice me or get excited even when I would wear lingerie, and never seemed to notice other attractive women. Took him years into the marriage to tell me he does have some sexual attraction towards men and considers himself bisexual or bicurious but not gay. I was angry he kept this from me and never mentioned it prior to getting married but he said he loves me and our family and has no desire to ever act on anything. Who knows if he is really gay and just saying he’s bisexual. Either way I feel cheated out of a having good sexual relationship where I feel attractive and wanted. So my advice OP is to trust your gut instincts because mine turned out to be correct.

Oh man that is rough. I am not active anymore either. Did you guys get married when the church was still telling gay people to get married to kind of cute their “same-sex attraction?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HER HUSBAND IS GAY WTF PEOPLE WAKE UP

+1

These commenters, at best, have one token gay friend.

On the other hand, as I said before, I am probably one of the only conservative Christians here, and most people here probably don’t have many conservative Christian male friends, and I have dozens and have known hundreds. His behavior is typical of that culture.

On the other other hand, I’m probably the only Mormon on here and this guy’s behavior is typical of the dozens of the gay Mormon men I know. This is how people who have gay shame act.

My husband and I grew up in the Mormon religion as well although no longer active. I had suspicions about my husband as well regarding his sexuality. He had a low drive, didn’t seem to notice me or get excited even when I would wear lingerie, and never seemed to notice other attractive women. Took him years into the marriage to tell me he does have some sexual attraction towards men and considers himself bisexual or bicurious but not gay. I was angry he kept this from me and never mentioned it prior to getting married but he said he loves me and our family and has no desire to ever act on anything. Who knows if he is really gay and just saying he’s bisexual. Either way I feel cheated out of a having good sexual relationship where I feel attractive and wanted. So my advice OP is to trust your gut instincts because mine turned out to be correct.

Oh man that is rough. I am not active anymore either. Did you guys get married when the church was still telling gay people to get married to kind of cute their “same-sex attraction?”

We’ve been married for 14 years now. I remember the church pushing against gay marriage with CA prop 8 pressuring members to donate time and money to fight against same sex marriage. Personally this was one of the things that made me doubt the religion and push me to eventually leave it.

[Anonymous]

PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And often, become exiled from your cultural society as well. Find a new one. Filled with people like “you”.

It’s heartbreaking, I’m going my part to change the expectations and role of family seeing something nee and different. I’ve watched a sibling experience e this and it had been heartbreaking the journey.

Then again - he isn’t married. So — a little less complexity.

[Anonymous]

What you are describing is how all of America used to be.

The very religious are not progressive.

They want to 'Make America Great Again" (by their backwards way of thinking)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And often, become exiled from your cultural society as well. Find a new one. Filled with people like “you”.

It’s heartbreaking, I’m going my part to change the expectations and role of family seeing something nee and different. I’ve watched a sibling experience e this and it had been heartbreaking the journey.

Then again - he isn’t married. So — a little less complexity.

I literally got into an argument with one family member about how being gay is not a lifestyle choice but it is an innate sexual orientation that cannot be changed. He kept saying it was a temptation that they needed to overcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are describing is how all of America used to be.

The very religious are not progressive.

They want to 'Make America Great Again" (by their backwards way of thinking)

The religious actually are more progressive than they’ve every been in the history of time. At least the American Christian sect, which encompasses more than Trumpetz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And often, become exiled from your cultural society as well. Find a new one. Filled with people like “you”.

It’s heartbreaking, I’m going my part to change the expectations and role of family seeing something nee and different. I’ve watched a sibling experience e this and it had been heartbreaking the journey.

Then again - he isn’t married. So — a little less complexity.

I literally got into an argument with one family member about how being gay is not a lifestyle choice but it is an innate sexual orientation that cannot be changed. He kept saying it was a temptation that they needed to overcome.

This is when I introduce the argument for jealousy, envy, sexual formication, greed, racism, poverty, oppression, and condemnation. All are subject to the same law. Not to dismiss the law — but look at the definition of fulfillment (hint: obedience in love of self and neighbour above else including gaity. Sin is not a condition for the access to grace we all have that we couldn’t earn or work for with perfection if we tried. So let’s start focus on and move from there. Faith requires it, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And often, become exiled from your cultural society as well. Find a new one. Filled with people like “you”.

It’s heartbreaking, I’m going my part to change the expectations and role of family seeing something nee and different. I’ve watched a sibling experience e this and it had been heartbreaking the journey.

Then again - he isn’t married. So — a little less complexity.

I literally got into an argument with one family member about how being gay is not a lifestyle choice but it is an innate sexual orientation that cannot be changed. He kept saying it was a temptation that they needed to overcome.

By the way. Old folk don’t always hear new info especially if it doesn’t reconcile with old lessons, that worked (to their standard, not necessarily the highest standard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And maybe hope your Christian wife will let you express yourself without judgment of feelings of guilt, religiously warranted as they may be. It is hard on a lot Christian marriages. Not all there are tons of amazing ones too!! So I’m not minimizing that fact and thé favorite with that. But everyone doesn’t marry for the same reasons ans marriage really grands to shine a light on and exaspérât any area of disagreement. Which is something the church puts pressure on to avoid. The pressure d’or “agreement” ans what that looks like is being redefine, too however, so that is reassuring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here, one of the big problems growing up in a conservative religion is that there is so much pressure to marry and have a family. So people, like my husband, never have a chance to explore their sexuality. It’s either repress it and get married to fit in or live your truth and be forced out of the church.

And maybe hope your Christian wife will let you express yourself without judgment of feelings of guilt, religiously warranted as they may be. It is hard on a lot Christian marriages. Not all there are tons of amazing ones too!! So I’m not minimizing that fact and thé favorite with that. But everyone doesn’t marry for the same reasons ans marriage really grands to shine a light on and exaspérât any area of disagreement. Which is something the church puts pressure on to avoid. The pressure d’or “agreement” ans what that looks like is being redefine, too however, so that is reassuring.

You should to be able to express yourself without feelings of guilt and judgement from your spouse. However that does not mean you should marry without disclosing any same sex attraction prior to marriage. It’s morally wrong to put your spouse in that situation regardless if you grew up in a conservative religion or not.