Remarried boomer parent takes his wife and her adult kids and their families on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

I think there’s a lot of pressure on women who marry into families to be accommodating and giving. When it’s not the case, the pitchforks come out. Men don’t get quite the same treatment. OP is very disingenuous. She complains about not vacationing with her dad and says his wife scares her. Why would anyone want to vacation with someone they dislike?

[Anonymous]

Op, ignore the stepmoms or stepkids here telling you that you were a “bad” child. Seriously, there are good and kind and loving stepparents that truly care about their stepkids, but I believe those are the exception rather than the rule.

You should attend therapy if possible. You have new rules now. You can go directly to your dad, but chances are he has to go through your stepmom. My dad had a massive stroke and as he lay unconscious and dying, my youngest sister, who has the personality of a mild church mouse, was attacked and harassed at his bedside by his second wife and her daughter for daring to show up to try to say goodbye. My brother and I knew the deal and didn’t even try. Despite removing my from the process and forgoing any drama or contact, second wife called my phone incessantly after my father’s death, itching for a fight, I guess. She never got it.

It’s terrible. Therapy.

[Anonymous]

He is spineless and she is evil, end of story. Therapy and cut contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is doing the planning for this stuff so she sets the guest list. Have you even said “wow dad when is the vacation for our side??” Don’t sit and stew.

This. Good lord, op. Grow up and grow a backbone.

NP. Dad said he had two priorities: his job and his wife, which included her kids. He made all kinds of excuses as to why my younger sib and I couldn’t go. In the end it came down to the fact that those were family events. I was 12.

How do you not know it wasn't your Mom saying no and your Dad taking the blame? We tried to take my husband's kids on vacation and get them to come to the wedding and Mom said no and blamed Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

It’s people who really don’t know the reality of the situation commenting; or that do, and don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here will tell you-- it's men. They get remarried and dump their bio kids in favor of the new wife's family or the kids they have together. Don't worry about the money, the 2nd wife (and her kids) will get any money inheritance.
I wouldn't tolerate it-- would just keep my distance.

It sounds like the wife and her family could be spending some of that trust money now. OP is in a another state, and only hears of the vacations, after the fact, then what else does she not hear about. The wife’s kids and their families could be getting help with cars, business loans, down payments, tuition, etc. It is possible that there might not be much left for an inheritance. If the dad survives his wife, then it is even possible that he may need help from OP someday.

[Anonymous]

This feels like the kind of thing that narcissists do, charming the new acquaintances and spending all the effort/time/money on them. After all, you've already "got"your family, and they probably know you too well to be completely charmed.

[Anonymous]

After reading the comments here I feel relieved that my dad never remarried after my mom died.
I think I would have found it hard having to deal with someone who was effectively going to take my mom's place. The surviving parent always changes, no matter what, even if the new step parent is a nice person. Things will never be the same again.

[Anonymous]

After reading OP’s follow ups I wonder why she wants to go on vacation with her dad at all. Sounds like she doesn’t like dad much more than stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading OP’s follow ups I wonder why she wants to go on vacation with her dad at all. Sounds like she doesn’t like dad much more than stepmom.

It’s not about the vacation, it’s about wanting her father to care enough to cultivate a relationship with her and consider her along the same level as his step kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading OP’s follow ups I wonder why she wants to go on vacation with her dad at all. Sounds like she doesn’t like dad much more than stepmom.

It’s not about the vacation, it’s about wanting her father to care enough to cultivate a relationship with her and consider her along the same level as his step kids.

Relationships are a two way street and, as I said, sounds like she doesn’t like him much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is often that women take care of organizing things like this. Thus she will organize trips with her kids, but probably doesn’t feel it’s her place to organize a trip with his kids.

A really kind and thoughtful stepmother would encourage and help plan vacations with his children and their families, too.

Thanks for creating more emotional labor for women. The husband can do it if he wants to. It’s his children.

Exactly. It’s not her responsibility to manage and better his relationships with his children.

I hope you don’t believe that for stepmothers of minor children, because that’s a real Cinderella scenario. “Oh, it’s not my job to do anything for his kids! I have my own kids to look out for. His kids come second.”

Wait, so a stepmom is obliged to do her stepkids’ laundry, cook them meals, and supervise their homework? Good luck managing that. People love to impose responsibilities on stepmothers but if a stepmom ever tries to discipline the stepkids, it becomes “not your business”. You can’t have it both ways.

I mean, yes obviously. If the kids are there in the house what’s she going to do — cook dinner for her own kids and not her stepkids? The fact you even types that makes me really, really hope you aren’t a stepmother.

I think there’s a lot of pressure on women who marry into families to be accommodating and giving. When it’s not the case, the pitchforks come out. Men don’t get quite the same treatment. OP is very disingenuous. She complains about not vacationing with her dad and says his wife scares her. Why would anyone want to vacation with someone they dislike?

Because she wants to spend time with her father? Not sure why that’s hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, ignore the stepmoms or stepkids here telling you that you were a “bad” child. Seriously, there are good and kind and loving stepparents that truly care about their stepkids, but I believe those are the exception rather than the rule.

You should attend therapy if possible. You have new rules now. You can go directly to your dad, but chances are he has to go through your stepmom. My dad had a massive stroke and as he lay unconscious and dying, my youngest sister, who has the personality of a mild church mouse, was attacked and harassed at his bedside by his second wife and her daughter for daring to show up to try to say goodbye. My brother and I knew the deal and didn’t even try. Despite removing my from the process and forgoing any drama or contact, second wife called my phone incessantly after my father’s death, itching for a fight, I guess. She never got it.

It’s terrible. Therapy.

That is absolutely horrible, PP, I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Even if most of them are vaccinated that sounds like too many people traveling together. Florida is not a good choice for a vacation right now. The new strains of Covid are affecting younger people more now.