Remarried boomer parent takes his wife and her adult kids and their families on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP’s dad is funding lavish vacations for his wife’s family, and OP is paying her own way to visit him, and these visits are limited to his wife’s scheduled increments of time, then OP is not a self entitled jerk. JMO

+1, there is a simple solution, just move on. My mom is like that and for my sanity, I have given up caring.

Except OP wants her dad's money, so she can't move on lest she get disinherited.

She probably already has been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a combo:
1) women plan these things and she naturally wants to spend more time with her kids than her stepkids.
2) men do tend to forget about their prior family when they remarry.
3) Dad has specific maybe even justifiable reasons to avoid spending time with or money on OP and siblings.

Frankly, I would have hated it if my father had remarried after my mom died. I don't think it would have worked for me, even if it had worked for him ...
It wouldn't have been so bad if my father had a no-strings attached type relationship with a someone, but another woman moving in with him, or remarrying ... no way.

You sound selfish. It's not about what works for you PP. It's about sharing their life with a partner. It's not a void you can fill even as a bio child. You need to live your life and stop being so entitled.

You can call me selfish and entitled but there is one thing I know for sure: my dad was broken, sad and vulnerable after my mom died. Some women take advantage of the situation.
My dad then had a 'girlfriend' for a while. She was a family friend and 16 years younger than him. Sure, they liked each other, but eventually my dad ended it because she always expected him to pay for things. She also relied on her own parents to support her financially. She was 40!
My dad stayed single after this. Once bitten, twice shy.

[Anonymous]

Be glad it wasn't you. Large extended family vacations are over-rated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oddly the stepmom and dad can have a close relationship with her kids...while op gets shunted to nowhere land with her kids.

It’s not unusual, but it does hurt. I don’t think op is being a bad person or daughter. She just wants to be treated fairly.

Dcum has this issue where technically, someone is within their “rights” to do something, but it’s still a d!ck move. So if op’s dad is paying for vacations with his new wife and her family, technically yes, it’s his money and he has a right to do so. But it’s a d!ck move to not treat all kids and grandkids the same.

This applies to so many things, here and in real life.

OP's dad is one of these. He's a dick. Move on. You'll be happier. Ask me how I know . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a combo:
1) women plan these things and she naturally wants to spend more time with her kids than her stepkids.
2) men do tend to forget about their prior family when they remarry.
3) Dad has specific maybe even justifiable reasons to avoid spending time with or money on OP and siblings.

Frankly, I would have hated it if my father had remarried after my mom died. I don't think it would have worked for me, even if it had worked for him ...
It wouldn't have been so bad if my father had a no-strings attached type relationship with a someone, but another woman moving in with him, or remarrying ... no way.

You sound selfish. It's not about what works for you PP. It's about sharing their life with a partner. It's not a void you can fill even as a bio child. You need to live your life and stop being so entitled.

You can call me selfish and entitled but there is one thing I know for sure: my dad was broken, sad and vulnerable after my mom died. Some women take advantage of the situation.
My dad then had a 'girlfriend' for a while. She was a family friend and 16 years younger than him. Sure, they liked each other, but eventually my dad ended it because she always expected him to pay for things. She also relied on her own parents to support her financially. She was 40!
My dad stayed single after this. Once bitten, twice shy.

Smart man.

[Anonymous]

Ugh my boomer dad pulls this crap too. No advice other than lower your expectations. I’m surprised and disappointed at how little emotional capacity he has.

[Anonymous]

Can we stop blaming this on boomers? I am a boomer and my 80+ year old silent generation father has done the same thing. Same with a couple of friends of mine. And plenty of younger men have done this as well. This has nothing to do with generations and everything to do with individual people and relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a combo:
1) women plan these things and she naturally wants to spend more time with her kids than her stepkids.
2) men do tend to forget about their prior family when they remarry.
3) Dad has specific maybe even justifiable reasons to avoid spending time with or money on OP and siblings.

Frankly, I would have hated it if my father had remarried after my mom died. I don't think it would have worked for me, even if it had worked for him ...
It wouldn't have been so bad if my father had a no-strings attached type relationship with a someone, but another woman moving in with him, or remarrying ... no way.

You sound selfish. It's not about what works for you PP. It's about sharing their life with a partner. It's not a void you can fill even as a bio child. You need to live your life and stop being so entitled.

You can call me selfish and entitled but there is one thing I know for sure: my dad was broken, sad and vulnerable after my mom died. Some women take advantage of the situation.
My dad then had a 'girlfriend' for a while. She was a family friend and 16 years younger than him. Sure, they liked each other, but eventually my dad ended it because she always expected him to pay for things. She also relied on her own parents to support her financially. She was 40!
My dad stayed single after this. Once bitten, twice shy.

I hope your dad finds and falls in love with a good woman and leaves your sorry a** alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your dad so the minimal visiting kind of makes sense. But given you're not super close, I wouldn't sit and stew on this. Ask him why you guys don't vacation together or why he doesn't visit etc etc

Our relationship is fine but when I find out stuff like this I definitely want to take a few big steps back. It hurts and this isn't the first time it's happened by any means. I just tend to find out and then forget about it.

You sound like my judgmental step kid. Makes no attempt to socialize or visit with us as a family, but expects the same benefits as kids who are a part of our lives regularly and care about us BOTH. You cannot have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound really greedy, OP. You're making this all about money.

If his wife's children live close to them, then of course they see them more and of course they're going to want to spend more time and money on them. If you moved to your home state, I bet your relationship with your dad would become closer.

It’s a two way street. I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your dad so the minimal visiting kind of makes sense. But given you're not super close, I wouldn't sit and stew on this. Ask him why you guys don't vacation together or why he doesn't visit etc etc

Our relationship is fine but when I find out stuff like this I definitely want to take a few big steps back. It hurts and this isn't the first time it's happened by any means. I just tend to find out and then forget about it.

You sound like my judgmental step kid. Makes no attempt to socialize or visit with us as a family, but expects the same benefits as kids who are a part of our lives regularly and care about us BOTH. You cannot have it both ways.

What do you think your stepchild is judging you for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your dad so the minimal visiting kind of makes sense. But given you're not super close, I wouldn't sit and stew on this. Ask him why you guys don't vacation together or why he doesn't visit etc etc

Our relationship is fine but when I find out stuff like this I definitely want to take a few big steps back. It hurts and this isn't the first time it's happened by any means. I just tend to find out and then forget about it.

You sound like my judgmental step kid. Makes no attempt to socialize or visit with us as a family, but expects the same benefits as kids who are a part of our lives regularly and care about us BOTH. You cannot have it both ways.

What do you think your stepchild is judging you for?

Of course your stepkid should enjoy the same benefits as the other kids. He/she is your partner's child. Why should it be conditional? You don't get to decide what benefits they should get.
This almost sounds like blackmail.
You sound very full of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a combo:
1) women plan these things and she naturally wants to spend more time with her kids than her stepkids.
2) men do tend to forget about their prior family when they remarry.
3) Dad has specific maybe even justifiable reasons to avoid spending time with or money on OP and siblings.

Frankly, I would have hated it if my father had remarried after my mom died. I don't think it would have worked for me, even if it had worked for him ...
It wouldn't have been so bad if my father had a no-strings attached type relationship with a someone, but another woman moving in with him, or remarrying ... no way.

You sound selfish. It's not about what works for you PP. It's about sharing their life with a partner. It's not a void you can fill even as a bio child. You need to live your life and stop being so entitled.

You can call me selfish and entitled but there is one thing I know for sure: my dad was broken, sad and vulnerable after my mom died. Some women take advantage of the situation.
My dad then had a 'girlfriend' for a while. She was a family friend and 16 years younger than him. Sure, they liked each other, but eventually my dad ended it because she always expected him to pay for things. She also relied on her own parents to support her financially. She was 40!
My dad stayed single after this. Once bitten, twice shy.

I hope your dad finds and falls in love with a good woman and leaves your sorry a** alone.

Didn't happen. He never had another relationship.

I was the one who looked after him when he got sick. No one else did. The girlfriend who had been all too happy to take his money didn't. By that time she had moved on to the next widowed guy ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here will tell you-- it's men. They get remarried and dump their bio kids in favor of the new wife's family or the kids they have together. Don't worry about the money, the 2nd wife (and her kids) will get any money inheritance.
I wouldn't tolerate it-- would just keep my distance.

OP here and I definitely feel this is the case with my dad. He still sees me and my siblings, but not as much as he sees his wife's kids. Even when he mentions it, I feel angry but I just smile and say "Oh that's nice. I'm glad you had a good time."

Are you saying the second wife and her kids will get all the inheritance?
My grandparents left it in a trust. Its supposed to go to my dad and then me and my siblings. But I accidentally got a document that my dad signed (he didn't mean to it include it in some other paperwork he gave to me) and it said that all of his money would be left to the wife. I really don't know if that means his money or my grandparents' trust and I'm not going to ask. But I don't want to be embattled with her one day.

I definitely do feel like I'm going to keep my distance more. My partner and I were considering moving back to my home state and this kind of shit makes me reconsider.

Your dad thinks things are great, and you're pissed. Are you so afraid of your dad that instead of asking these questions now, you'd rather wait until he's dead and fight with his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone here will tell you-- it's men. They get remarried and dump their bio kids in favor of the new wife's family or the kids they have together. Don't worry about the money, the 2nd wife (and her kids) will get any money inheritance.
I wouldn't tolerate it-- would just keep my distance.

OP here and I definitely feel this is the case with my dad. He still sees me and my siblings, but not as much as he sees his wife's kids. Even when he mentions it, I feel angry but I just smile and say "Oh that's nice. I'm glad you had a good time."

Are you saying the second wife and her kids will get all the inheritance?
My grandparents left it in a trust. Its supposed to go to my dad and then me and my siblings. But I accidentally got a document that my dad signed (he didn't mean to it include it in some other paperwork he gave to me) and it said that all of his money would be left to the wife. I really don't know if that means his money or my grandparents' trust and I'm not going to ask. But I don't want to be embattled with her one day.

I definitely do feel like I'm going to keep my distance more. My partner and I were considering moving back to my home state and this kind of shit makes me reconsider.

Your dad thinks things are great, and you're pissed. Are you so afraid of your dad that instead of asking these questions now, you'd rather wait until he's dead and fight with his wife?

Seriously. Absolutely insane that OP is living like this.