Remarried boomer parent takes his wife and her adult kids and their families on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does your stepmom's family live close to them? Do you and your siblings have to travel to see them?

Something I have noticed when a parents says these things is that it can be a version of, See how hard these step kids try to spend time with me?

Combine that with a second wife who tries super hard to make sure her kids are in his good graces and it's a bad mix.

If you want a relationship with him then you have to work to have it. He's a boomer guy who thinks the women do all the work for making the relationships work.

If you don't want to do the work (and not get any inheritance) then so be it. But you can bet your sweet patoot that those step kids are working their patoots off to get in the will.

I will add that your dad probably sees it as: See how much these other kids care for me? Not: My wife is orchestrating them doing a lot for and with me.

[Anonymous]

It might be that his wife's family likes SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, whereas your focus seems to be having your dad TAKE YOU on a vacation.

Do you want to go on a vacation and spend time with your dad AND his wife?

[Anonymous]

I’m actually slightly envious—imagining what it would be like to have another family go on vacation/do holidays with my parents and take the heat off me...

[Anonymous]

OP, you say that your nieces and nephews steer clear of your stepmom. You say that she was cold and mean to you. And none of your siblings are close to her either. Do you think that your stepmom had an easy time marrying your dad? Because it sounds like you and your siblings didn't treat her well. And I think your dad probably enjoys a warmer relationship with his stepchildren. You say it's not about the money but you bring up your dad's wealth and say you don't want to battle your stepmom for inheritance. They've been married a long time and she should be entitled to something. Your attitude is very 'me, me, me'. No one owes you a vacation or an inheritance when you don't have a good relationship with your own bio dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does your stepmom's family live close to them? Do you and your siblings have to travel to see them?

Something I have noticed when a parents says these things is that it can be a version of, See how hard these step kids try to spend time with me?

Combine that with a second wife who tries super hard to make sure her kids are in his good graces and it's a bad mix.

If you want a relationship with him then you have to work to have it. He's a boomer guy who thinks the women do all the work for making the relationships work.

If you don't want to do the work (and not get any inheritance) then so be it. But you can bet your sweet patoot that those step kids are working their patoots off to get in the will.

My brother and I live in DC, sister lives in California. And yes, his wife's kids both live within 30 minutes of my dad and his wife.

God you have me a little worried now. My dad is conservative and I don't think he would leave my grandparents' money to them because my grandparents had it outlined in their irrevocable trust who the money is supposed to go to. However, I'm pretty sure my dad has left all the money to his wife when he dies and then it is supposed to go to us. But she could do whatever she wants with it when she gets it. I'm not sure how that works. I try not to ask or think too much about it because it makes me sick and I don't want to be too focused on it. I wasn't supposed to see a document but he accidentally included it in a stack of papers he gave me once. It was from his bank and he signed some paperwork saying that his wife is the first beneficiary and we (me and my 3 siblings) are second. Her kids are not mentioned.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to tell your dad what you want. He isn't a mind reader. Tell him you want to take a family vacation / spend more time with him. It does sound like your step-mom kind of sucks, but, maybe her perspective is that you and your siblings haven't welcomed her as much as you think.

A therapist could really help with these feelings. I have a complicated family too, bouncing things off a therapist occasionally has helped a lot.

As for Christmas, they are not going to throw you out of their house. If they said 12p-2p, just stay as long as you want. Bring enough food to feed everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might be that his wife's family likes SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, whereas your focus seems to be having your dad TAKE YOU on a vacation.

Do you want to go on a vacation and spend time with your dad AND his wife?

No, it isn't that at all. My dad has never taken us on vacation. When my siblings and I were little (before my parents divorced), our grandparents used to take us on vacations together as a family and those were good memories. My siblings and I like spending time with my dad, but it's hard when his wife is around. She sours everything.

[Anonymous]

So they are much closer to them location wise, you and your brother don't seem to like her very much, and you are super concerned about the inheritance. Geez, no wonder your dad would prefer to spend more time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be that his wife's family likes SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, whereas your focus seems to be having your dad TAKE YOU on a vacation.

Do you want to go on a vacation and spend time with your dad AND his wife?

No, it isn't that at all. My dad has never taken us on vacation. When my siblings and I were little (before my parents divorced), our grandparents used to take us on vacations together as a family and those were good memories. My siblings and I like spending time with my dad, but it's hard when his wife is around. She sours everything.

OP...please provide specific examples of what exactly your stepmom does to sour anything. You sound like you just don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be that his wife's family likes SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, whereas your focus seems to be having your dad TAKE YOU on a vacation.

Do you want to go on a vacation and spend time with your dad AND his wife?

No, it isn't that at all. My dad has never taken us on vacation. When my siblings and I were little (before my parents divorced), our grandparents used to take us on vacations together as a family and those were good memories. My siblings and I like spending time with my dad, but it's hard when his wife is around. She sours everything.

Sure she does. You just sound like a money hungry brat. Have you ever even talked to your dad about this? Doesn't sound like it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to tell your dad what you want. He isn't a mind reader. Tell him you want to take a family vacation / spend more time with him. It does sound like your step-mom kind of sucks, but, maybe her perspective is that you and your siblings haven't welcomed her as much as you think.

A therapist could really help with these feelings. I have a complicated family too, bouncing things off a therapist occasionally has helped a lot.

As for Christmas, they are not going to throw you out of their house. If they said 12p-2p, just stay as long as you want. Bring enough food to feed everyone.

Oh, we have welcomed her. My dad and her have been married almost 20 years so she knew us as kids. Her behavior has been shitty. She never had to work. She's spoiled. She kicked me out of my dad's house once when he wasn't there when I was 18 and staying there temporarily. She's also got an alcohol problem.

And they did throw us out of the house at around 2 pm that day. I know it sounds bizarre but it's true. My stepmom stood at the kitchen counter the entire time while we sat at the table as a family. She had my dad get fast food takeout but cooks a meal for her kids. This was Christmas! And we are not important enough to get Christmas day or Eve with my dad. It was like a week after Christmas. But it was our Christmas with our dad. (My dad can't cook to save his life so I'm sure she had him go get the food because she wasn't going to cook). When 2 pm rolled around, they were both doing things signaling it was time for everyone to leave.

[Anonymous]

What is the dads POV here? It’s so bizarre when men prefer people who aren’t even related to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does your stepmom's family live close to them? Do you and your siblings have to travel to see them?

Something I have noticed when a parents says these things is that it can be a version of, See how hard these step kids try to spend time with me?

Combine that with a second wife who tries super hard to make sure her kids are in his good graces and it's a bad mix.

If you want a relationship with him then you have to work to have it. He's a boomer guy who thinks the women do all the work for making the relationships work.

If you don't want to do the work (and not get any inheritance) then so be it. But you can bet your sweet patoot that those step kids are working their patoots off to get in the will.

My brother and I live in DC, sister lives in California. And yes, his wife's kids both live within 30 minutes of my dad and his wife.

God you have me a little worried now. My dad is conservative and I don't think he would leave my grandparents' money to them because my grandparents had it outlined in their irrevocable trust who the money is supposed to go to. However, I'm pretty sure my dad has left all the money to his wife when he dies and then it is supposed to go to us. But she could do whatever she wants with it when she gets it. I'm not sure how that works. I try not to ask or think too much about it because it makes me sick and I don't want to be too focused on it. I wasn't supposed to see a document but he accidentally included it in a stack of papers he gave me once. It was from his bank and he signed some paperwork saying that his wife is the first beneficiary and we (me and my 3 siblings) are second. Her kids are not mentioned.

Why can't you accept that your dad loves his wife and her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might be that his wife's family likes SPENDING TIME TOGETHER, whereas your focus seems to be having your dad TAKE YOU on a vacation.

Do you want to go on a vacation and spend time with your dad AND his wife?

No, it isn't that at all. My dad has never taken us on vacation. When my siblings and I were little (before my parents divorced), our grandparents used to take us on vacations together as a family and those were good memories. My siblings and I like spending time with my dad, but it's hard when his wife is around. She sours everything.

You are going to have to accept your dad and his wife as a package deal. If you don't want to vacation with your step mom, you can't complain that you're never invited on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the dads POV here? It’s so bizarre when men prefer people who aren’t even related to them.

Really? That doesn’t surprise me at all. There’s no complicated history, no mirrors unto themselves. Just adoring people who like having this man spend money on them and make their mom happy.