Why do husbands never leave for the affair partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorcing my cheating H.
For me it wasn’t the sex, it was the lies that he told to enable him to have his affair. Lies continued after the affair was found out.

The trust was irrevocably broken. So was the marriage.

Completely understandable. I’m sorry your husband turned out to be a disgusting person. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorcing my cheating H.
For me it wasn’t the sex, it was the lies that he told to enable him to have his affair. Lies continued after the affair was found out.

The trust was irrevocably broken. So was the marriage.

That's a deep flaw that's hard to live with. The children realize they can't trust dad as well, they see it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorcing my cheating H.
For me it wasn’t the sex, it was the lies that he told to enable him to have his affair. Lies continued after the affair was found out.

The trust was irrevocably broken. So was the marriage.

That's a deep flaw that's hard to live with. The children realize they can't trust dad as well, they see it all.

This is so true. My best friend went through this when divorcing. It was horrible for everyone involved including their children.

[Anonymous]

I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

If divorcing parents are telling their kids about affairs, be certain to provide equal details on the state of marital sex life prior to the affair. Assuming your kids are not dumb, they will appreciate the affair was essential to keeping their parent's sexless marriage together. And if they judge anybody, they will wonder why the sexless parent suddenly is making sex a dealbreaker issue (yet how can sex be important if they aren't even having any?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

Sure. I screwed your dad 3-4 times per week the entire marriage. I indulged in 3-somes with him early in the marriage and he got blown by the females.

He then decided to lie to you and me, miss driving you to practice and spend a weekend away from us and some of your days off from school with an old whore.


If divorcing parents are telling their kids about affairs, be certain to provide equal details on the state of marital sex life prior to the affair. Assuming your kids are not dumb, they will appreciate the affair was essential to keeping their parent's sexless marriage together. And if they judge anybody, they will wonder why the sexless parent suddenly is making sex a dealbreaker issue (yet how can sex be important if they aren't even having any?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

If divorcing parents are telling their kids about affairs, be certain to provide equal details on the state of marital sex life prior to the affair. Assuming your kids are not dumb, they will appreciate the affair was essential to keeping their parent's sexless marriage together. And if they judge anybody, they will wonder why the sexless parent suddenly is making sex a dealbreaker issue (yet how can sex be important if they aren't even having any?)

Sure. I screwed your dad 3-4 times per week the entire marriage. I indulged in 3-somes with him early in the marriage and he got blown by the females.

He then decided to lie to you and me, miss driving you to practice and spend a weekend away from us and some of your days off from school with an old whore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had an AP for three years and we both like our spouses except the marriages are sexless. There is a lot about my wife that I prefer over my AP and my AP is not someone I’d want to marry. She’s fun, likes sex and there are NSA.

Those strings will hang you when one of your spouse’s finds out. And they will. You will regret every minute you spent with that AP. The light of day reveals how truly ugly she is...trust me. They will flip on u.

No. Worst case is the spouse finds out and they divorce. If not for his AP again his only option is divorce. In no scenario does he regret sex with AP.

When he loses his wife and kids and begs and cries and moans in agony all for a woman he never loved, wasn’t that attractive and used for sex...yeah he’s pretty upset he risked all of that for a skank. 9 times out of 10 they tell their therapist if they could go back in time they never would have done it. However, you can’t unf@ck that donkey, so the damage is done.

What in the world are you even talking about? It's just sex. Get over it. Nobody cares!
A divorced dad "loses his kids" exactly the same as his wife does: it is called 50/50. And there is no LOSS when a sexless wife finally decides she no longer wants to be your platonic room mate.

The thing you fail to understand is this: a sexless marriage is ALREADY over. Divorce is absolutely zero threat because there is nothing left to lose in the dead sexless marriage, only everything to gain by an affair to "save" the dead marriage.

+1 Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

If divorcing parents are telling their kids about affairs, be certain to provide equal details on the state of marital sex life prior to the affair. Assuming your kids are not dumb, they will appreciate the affair was essential to keeping their parent's sexless marriage together. And if they judge anybody, they will wonder why the sexless parent suddenly is making sex a dealbreaker issue (yet how can sex be important if they aren't even having any?)

Sure. I screwed your dad 3-4 times per week the entire marriage. I indulged in 3-somes with him early in the marriage and he got blown by the females.

He then decided to lie to you and me, miss driving you to practice and spend a weekend away from us and some of your days off from school with an old whore

Very few marriages are having sex 3-4 times per week. Of those, an infinitesimally small percentage does the man have an affair.
Thanks for covering the fractions-of-percentile affair scenario with your helpful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen so many examples of men or women successfully divorcing over an affair but DCUM for whatever reason keeps insisting that it never happens, and if it does, it is going to be a crap show, etc. The only difference that I've seen is again the lack of money, the lack of social status, the lack of career on both sides, the lack of character to make a decision and co-dependent relationships. If you are attached to this person financially, emotionally and do not have means to move on, or willpower to change, or your mind/upbringing tells you that's the only choice to hold on onto a marriage no matter what then okay but why try to delude yourself into thinking that it's what happens to everyone?

It never is good for the children. Never. Cheaters tell themselves otherwise because to believe they are responsible for that is too much. The same delusion they used to justify their affair carries over to the divorce.

Sure anyone can have a amicable divorce, that's to be hoped for. Of course it only takes one to keep the fight going.

The biggest problem is the kids will find out about the cheating, there's no way not to. I've seen where they don't want to see the other parent, or they have a strained relationship later on.
It depends.

If divorcing parents are telling their kids about affairs, be certain to provide equal details on the state of marital sex life prior to the affair. Assuming your kids are not dumb, they will appreciate the affair was essential to keeping their parent's sexless marriage together. And if they judge anybody, they will wonder why the sexless parent suddenly is making sex a dealbreaker issue (yet how can sex be important if they aren't even having any?)

Sure. I screwed your dad 3-4 times per week the entire marriage. I indulged in 3-somes with him early in the marriage and he got blown by the females.

He then decided to lie to you and me, miss driving you to practice and spend a weekend away from us and some of your days off from school with an old whore

Very few marriages are having sex 3-4 times per week. Of those, an infinitesimally small percentage does the man have an affair.
Thanks for covering the fractions-of-percentile affair scenario with your helpful post.

Nope. It’s way more common than you think and most of these cheaters have sex addiction issues and/or extremely high libidos. Sexless marriage guy just assumes every situation is the same as his. He is also very angry at his own wife. It comes out in his posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They leave if they have money and financially secure and independent. As PP said it depends on your social status.

+1. Factors for staying include big financial hit to leave, loss of time with kids, and AP isn’t long term wife material. My DH left his wife for me. They didn’t have kids, he left with more money than he had when he entered the relationship, I make more than his ex-wife, I’m younger and prettier than his ex-wife, and they had a terrible, non-existent sex life. They had been married for 10 years, and he left her a month after we met. If it wasn’t me, it would’ve been someone else. Some marriages aren’t built to last forever.

Why did you want somebody else’s trash? Were you not hot enough to get a successful, good-looking single man? I would never want a married men.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Just wait. 2nd marriages have a 70-75% failure rate. It sounds like he did a real number on you.

Unless you married the first person you ever dated, everybody is someone else's trash. I agree with the rest of this though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men have affairs in order to STAY in their sexless marriage (because.... kids, house, finances, whatever).

Women, too. I'm one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorcing my cheating H.
For me it wasn’t the sex, it was the lies that he told to enable him to have his affair. Lies continued after the affair was found out.

The trust was irrevocably broken. So was the marriage.

That's a deep flaw that's hard to live with. The children realize they can't trust dad as well, they see it all.

Some kids don't care. My husband's ex cheated and took the kids to her AP. They are clearly fine with her cheating and somehow Dad got blamed.

My Dad cheated, I have no respect for him at all. I also have no respect for my mom as after she found out and they separated she ran to another man and her life revolves around him and his family and she has little time for us. I lost my family because of affairs.