Why do husbands never leave for the affair partner?

[Anonymous]

This is stupid. A lot of men do leave to be with their affair partner. Some don’t, some do.

In fact, I know someone who married the AP, twice. Left wife #1 for ap, married her. Got new ap several yrs later, left wife #2, married newer ap.

[Anonymous]

How are there 13 pages on this? It’s completely straightforward.

It’s because of kids, finances, and the enormous repercussions of breaking up your marriage and family for a relationship that only ever existed within the environment of secret, limited time interactions. Some never intended to leave, some are too scared or unwilling to leave, and some DO leave in circumstances that devastate their families. Divorcing over an affair, particularly where kids are involved, is much worse than just divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are there 13 pages on this? It’s completely straightforward.

It’s because of kids, finances, and the enormous repercussions of breaking up your marriage and family for a relationship that only ever existed within the environment of secret, limited time interactions. Some never intended to leave, some are too scared or unwilling to leave, and some DO leave in circumstances that devastate their families. Divorcing over an affair, particularly where kids are involved, is much worse than just divorcing.

Or wife finds out, divorces him, then he marries for ap. I have seen this happen several times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To say therapy doesn’t work for everyone wouldn’t be accurate at all. It doesn’t work for some people. Some therapists suck. I had a therapist texting me at midnight and trying to set meetings at 10pm. It was weird.

DH’s therapist has been very helpful. She recommended books about repairing relationships that completely changed his framework for understanding the pain I was in. His therapist helped him find an addiction group and was a catalyst to his recovery. I’m so thankful for her help. DH has really dug into childhood trauma to better understand why he wasn’t faithful. I don’t think we’d be together now if he hadn’t been to therapy.

Please reccomend the therapist and the books.

This is a great book for men who committed infidelity, how they should act during recovery, and if they want to understand what their partner is feeling.

https://books.google.com/books/about/Out_of_the_Doghouse.html?id=BbKqCwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1

Out of the Dog House

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is stupid. A lot of men do leave to be with their affair partner. Some don’t, some do.

In fact, I know someone who married the AP, twice. Left wife #1 for ap, married her. Got new ap several yrs later, left wife #2, married newer ap.

You know Donald Trump?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is stupid. A lot of men do leave to be with their affair partner. Some don’t, some do.

In fact, I know someone who married the AP, twice. Left wife #1 for ap, married her. Got new ap several yrs later, left wife #2, married newer ap.

You know Donald Trump?

Ha. Donald Trump is not unique in this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is stupid. A lot of men do leave to be with their affair partner. Some don’t, some do.

In fact, I know someone who married the AP, twice. Left wife #1 for ap, married her. Got new ap several yrs later, left wife #2, married newer ap.

They get kicked out and take the consolation prize but they don’t leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are there 13 pages on this? It’s completely straightforward.

It’s because of kids, finances, and the enormous repercussions of breaking up your marriage and family for a relationship that only ever existed within the environment of secret, limited time interactions. Some never intended to leave, some are too scared or unwilling to leave, and some DO leave in circumstances that devastate their families. Divorcing over an affair, particularly where kids are involved, is much worse than just divorcing.

Nope.

It’s because he actually lives his wife but her is selfish snd thinks he won’t get caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a man who lives his wife but is just so hot women throw themselves at him? And hes that good and wants to share? Is that so bad if no one finds out?

Yes it’s bad. The OW couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just rent my husband’s d@ck out like playground equipment since her own wouldn’t f@ck her. Why was I so upset - it was just sex? Like I was being selfish keeping it all to myself.

Tough sh@t. I’m hot as h@ll too and have men constantly propositioning me and yet I was 100% committed to my husband. Go figure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a man who lives his wife but is just so hot women throw themselves at him? And hes that good and wants to share? Is that so bad if no one finds out?

Yes it’s bad. The OW couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just rent my husband’s d@ck out like playground equipment since her own wouldn’t f@ck her. Why was I so upset - it was just sex? Like I was being selfish keeping it all to myself.

Tough sh@t. I’m hot as h@ll too and have men constantly propositioning me and yet I was 100% committed to my husband. Go figure

Yes. People do find out. Took quite a bit of time, but we do find out. Over time- something is bound to slip no matter how accomplished at deceit you may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is stupid. A lot of men do leave to be with their affair partner. Some don’t, some do.

In fact, I know someone who married the AP, twice. Left wife #1 for ap, married her. Got new ap several yrs later, left wife #2, married newer ap.

You know Donald Trump?

Ha! This poster is just showing that if 'he/she cheats with you, he/she will cheat ON you", two APs and all , but they write it like it is a great thing. "He married two APs in a row' hooray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are there 13 pages on this? It’s completely straightforward.

It’s because of kids, finances, and the enormous repercussions of breaking up your marriage and family for a relationship that only ever existed within the environment of secret, limited time interactions. Some never intended to leave, some are too scared or unwilling to leave, and some DO leave in circumstances that devastate their families. Divorcing over an affair, particularly where kids are involved, is much worse than just divorcing.

64% of men that cheat are in happy marriages with no intention of ever leaving. For many, they love their wives and compartmentalize strange sex at some point in their marriage/midlife. If the wife finds out, it's no longer a happy marriage....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m genuinely curious about this, read this thread a lot. Seems like there are decent number of husbands who have affairs, sometimes even years in length. But they rarely leave the wife, the couple either reconciles or the wife files for divorce. In my actual life, I only know of three instances when a husband divorced and married the affair partner.

Because men are stupid, but not that stupid, OP.

[Anonymous]

Inertia, OP.

It’s usually costly to upend your life, unless your new love interest is well-off.

There is social opprobrium to deal with.

There is emotional upset in spouses, children, friends and relatives to manage.

And that’s if you believe your love interest is marriage material!

Too much hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Inertia, OP.

It’s usually costly to upend your life, unless your new love interest is well-off.

There is social opprobrium to deal with.

There is emotional upset in spouses, children, friends and relatives to manage.

And that’s if you believe your love interest is marriage material!

Too much hassle.

The bolded is the biggest obstacle. With the affairing down for strange sex, they usually aren't even a consideration for that. They are only ever meant to be a distraction/escape--have the cake and eat it too. But, 'babe, I'd love to but the timing is just not good' and all that.