I don't know if I should laugh or cry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not that he wants more time to spend with his kid. He's had that chance for years and never took it. The issue is that all of a sudden, halfway through his kid's childhood, he wants the ability to make decisions. This was prompted by a diagnosis that dad doesn't agree with. Hopefully judges can see the fact that dad is opportunistic.

You should really talk with this more with your attorney. You have to strategize whether it is valuable for you to fight him for legal custody and if so how much will it cost versus how likely you are to win. Ask the attorney what you have to document to demonstrate that you have offered more time, and it has not been taken, and that you have been sole parent involved in education and medical decisions until he disagreed with some aspect of that.

The record is pretty clear. The school copies him on everything and he never attends. Not once. I have emails from doctors asking him to come in for a session and a consult and him just ignoring them/not responding. DS can vouch that his dad never did homework with him despite me asking him to. This is why I’m fighting the legal custody issue. He doesn’t know what his son needs and because of that I don’t want him involved in the decision making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 50/50 physical and legal custody with x-husband and let me tell you that if there were anything I could do to keep from having legal split like this, I'd do it. Fight tooth and nail. Like yours, my kid's dad doesn't believe that our kid has ADD. Teachers were doing/saying everything they legally could to urge us to have him tested, but his dad refused for years. Then he refused to believe the crystal clear results, and refused any therapy or meds. He then decided to talk to our kid endlessly about how bad it would be if he DID indeed have ADD, which made our child resistant to doing anything about it. Currently, he's refusing to let our child attend a much better school even though I've agreed to pay for it all myself. It absolutely sucks to have to get permission from an idiot to do things that are clearly in your child's best interest. People like that do things just to mess with the other parent. It's like he's a toddler who just wants to oppose whatever I suggest. I dread how he'll behave when it comes time to choose colleges.

This is my worst nightmare. I hope the judge sees that I have been the only parent for 11 years.

[Anonymous]

OP I just don’t understand why you continue to live in that building if it’s clear your ex doesn’t want more visitation? It makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I just don’t understand why you continue to live in that building if it’s clear your ex doesn’t want more visitation? It makes zero sense.

I was actually thinking of this too. OP, I'm sure you've done an amazing job as a single parent, but from what little your shared here, I got an impression that you're a bit too hung up on your ex. I know you don't want to move but surely there are other apartment buildings close to your work in the same school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I just don’t understand why you continue to live in that building if it’s clear your ex doesn’t want more visitation? It makes zero sense.

I was actually thinking of this too. OP, I'm sure you've done an amazing job as a single parent, but from what little your shared here, I got an impression that you're a bit too hung up on your ex. I know you don't want to move but surely there are other apartment buildings close to your work in the same school district.

Because I found this condo years ago and I'm still way under market for rent. Because it's only 4 miles from my job and allows me to drop my son off in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon (and get 8 hours in at work). If I moved anywhere else in the neighborhood I would be paying AT LEAST $600 more in rent. Because I wanted stability for my son and not move him around too much.

We are looking at going to middle school in MoCo because I think my son will do better there. It has nothing to do with his father though.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

[Anonymous]

Even if the OP's ex doesn't win this case, good luck with FA in college if dad won't fill out the paperwork. This is what I have to deal with. My ex makes very little money but refuses to fill out the FA paperwork.

[Anonymous]

Could the PPs please explain how college financial aid is impacted? This is the first I'm hearing about this issue. Sounds bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

It's absolutely a control thing with my ex too and I am fighting him on this issue. It's really the only thing I'm asking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could the PPs please explain how college financial aid is impacted? This is the first I'm hearing about this issue. Sounds bad!

The FAFSA is the FA forms that is filled out by the custodial parent. If your kid wants to go to a private college, they will also have to fill our the CSS which needs to be filled out by both parents. So if one parents refuses, the school will only have one parent's financial info. So no FA in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could the PPs please explain how college financial aid is impacted? This is the first I'm hearing about this issue. Sounds bad!

The FAFSA is the FA forms that is filled out by the custodial parent. If your kid wants to go to a private college, they will also have to fill our the CSS which needs to be filled out by both parents. So if one parents refuses, the school will only have one parent's financial info. So no FA in that case.

Yup, punishing kids for their parent's being as*holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

+1 I'd fight him, if only because joint legal is going to make it a lot harder for you to get financial aid, assuming your ex has any income at all.

My ex refuses to pay for college, or even contribute to savings, but insists on continuing to have joint legal custody even without physical custody. Because he's a high earner, my children will be absolute screwed at financial aid time because their father's income will be counted, but he won't give them a cent.

It's a control thing for my ex, but the implications for college are real.

My ex also refuses to pay 1/2 of college (even the state u rate) although in mediation I agreed to pay the health insurance through age 26.

He shouldn't have to pay for college. No parent after age 18 should have to pay for college, married or divorced. Married parents are not required. College is a luxury and if you want to pay pay. I would pay, but that's my choice. Parents should not have to pay for health insurance till 26. That is absurd. They will not look at Dad's income if you don't put it on there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy to come in after 11 years and decide you want a say in decision-making. Sounds like he just wants to tussle with you over stuff like sports and college. So sorry, OP.

Maybe he wanted it all along and OP wouldn't let him be involved and the only way to be involved is via court order.