I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Wow. As an adoptive mom and a foster mom, I am appalled at the callousness of some of the posters here. It certainly explains a lot about how our children came to be in our hearts and home. They are a blessing every minute of every day and I cannot imagine living without them.

OP, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your daughter has a lot of trust in you that she shared the news of her pregnancy with you and that she is turning to you for help. I have some thoughts about resources but I'm not sure if this thread is the place to post them because of the vitriol from at least one poster. I will keep an eye out in other forums or for a different thread in case you post there.

Good luck to you and hugs. My best wishes for a healthy and happy grandchild who will flourish and thrive in a home filled with tons of love and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Congratulations.

This is when she needs you the most. You can help her raise this little one while she goes to college. She MUST get a degree! With ever-growing automation, it is more important for this generation than ours!

And no guilt, no shame, no nothing. Just get going with plans. You can do it!

I love this assumptions that parents of 18 year olds are retired or don't have to work and and can easily drop everything to help raise a baby. When my children are 18, we will still be at least a decade off retirement age, more if we want full retirement benefits. We do not have the financial luxury of taking an early retirement, including early withdrawal penalties on retirement accounts or reduced social security payments, to speed this up.

Also, I'm exhausted from raising my own kids. One of them has special needs and will require at least some support from us longer-term than a neurotypical kid would. And now I'm helping raise an infant on top of a full-time job and special needs care? Not if I value my mental and physical health. Not saying I wouldn't provide the assistance I could, but helping raise the baby is not in the cards.

They would either live with you are the other set of grandparents and you would have to either provide or pay for childcare for your grandchild while the teenagers finished school/got work experience.

WTAF???

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. 18 year old chooses to get pregnant AND have the kid, 18 year old reaps the consequences of her adult decision.

Grandparents do not "have to" "provide or pay for" anything.

[Anonymous]

There is a happy medium between refusing to raise your grandchild and kicking our kid out on the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. As an adoptive mom and a foster mom, I am appalled at the callousness of some of the posters here. It certainly explains a lot about how our children came to be in our hearts and home. They are a blessing every minute of every day and I cannot imagine living without them.

OP, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your daughter has a lot of trust in you that she shared the news of her pregnancy with you and that she is turning to you for help. I have some thoughts about resources but I'm not sure if this thread is the place to post them because of the vitriol from at least one poster. I will keep an eye out in other forums or for a different thread in case you post there.

Good luck to you and hugs. My best wishes for a healthy and happy grandchild who will flourish and thrive in a home filled with tons of love and support.

Didn’t they come into your home because people who couldn’t handle the responsibly of babies had babies?

Also I am grateful to you for being a foster mom. Thank you, sincerely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Also, choosing to help pay for an education is something that a) (theoretically) moves the child forward to launch and b) can be saved for.

Choosing to help with a very early, not well-considered pregnancy is an entirely different situation that has the potential to adversely affect OP's financial, physical and mental well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

[Anonymous]

Wow, why so negative. It may be hard. It may be unplanned. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you. It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

Which is funny since your college student is smoking pot, getting wasted, and f’ing near strangers.

You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

Which is funny since your college student is smoking pot, getting wasted, and f’ing near strangers.

You do you.

I can assure you he is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

Which is funny since your college student is smoking pot, getting wasted, and f’ing near strangers.

You do you.

DP. I almost hate to dignify this comment with a response but. Even if the college student was doing this, it’s not the same as them doing it with zero plan for financial independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

Which is funny since your college student is smoking pot, getting wasted, and f’ing near strangers.

You do you.

DP. I almost hate to dignify this comment with a response but. Even if the college student was doing this, it’s not the same as them doing it with zero plan for financial independence.

You sound ignorant thinking college students hss as he “a plan”. They just know they have 4 more years on the dole.

It’s also ignorant that a pregnancy renders a woman incapable of having a plan.

But just continue being self righteous boomer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. As an adoptive mom and a foster mom, I am appalled at the callousness of some of the posters here. It certainly explains a lot about how our children came to be in our hearts and home. They are a blessing every minute of every day and I cannot imagine living without them.

OP, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Your daughter has a lot of trust in you that she shared the news of her pregnancy with you and that she is turning to you for help. I have some thoughts about resources but I'm not sure if this thread is the place to post them because of the vitriol from at least one poster. I will keep an eye out in other forums or for a different thread in case you post there.

Good luck to you and hugs. My best wishes for a healthy and happy grandchild who will flourish and thrive in a home filled with tons of love and support.

Foster care in most states is horrible. You might be one of the good ones, but many many are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how on this thread an 18 year old is an adult who should be 100% responsible for herself and everything related to her.

So many other threads where 18 year olds are still considered children who need to be guided, supported, and who are seen as financially dependent, emotionally immature etc. Look at all the college threads - parents still do a ton for their 18 year olds.

It's about the parent's CHOICE to help their adult child. No one said the OP can't/shouldn't CHOOSE to help her daughter. But some people are saying that the OP "has to" help her daughter by raising the grandchild or providing the financial means for someone else to do it.

Many posters feel parents have a financial obligation to support their 18 year olds financially - often by paying for their housing, their education, their food, their bills. When a poster says hey they are 18 - if they want to go to college, they can but they need to financially responsible for that decision - they get attacked for CHOOSING to not financially support their 18 year old. If you feel that all 18 year olds are adults who should be 100% financially independent and responsible and if a parent chooses to provide some financial support - great, if not, great too, then your voice will be a welcome addition to the college threads.

As a parent I can choose to support my adult children in some choices but not others.

I will support my adult children that choose to further their education. That could be supporting them in college or a trade school. After that, they are expect to take their new education and use it to support themselves.

If my adult child chose to stay home, play video games and smoke pot all day, I would not support that. They would be out.

If my adult child chose to get pregnant with a child they were not able to care for, I would not support that.

Which is funny since your college student is smoking pot, getting wasted, and f’ing near strangers.

You do you.

DP. I almost hate to dignify this comment with a response but. Even if the college student was doing this, it’s not the same as them doing it with zero plan for financial independence.

You sound ignorant thinking college students hss as he “a plan”. They just know they have 4 more years on the dole.

It’s also ignorant that a pregnancy renders a woman incapable of having a plan.

But just continue being self righteous boomer.

I’m 36.

College students, even if they don’t have an exact plan for how they are going to make a living, are more likely to be on a path to self sufficiency than a kid who stays home and smokes pot all day. This isn’t hard. Let’s not be obtuse.