For women who didn't change their names, but gave their children their husband's last name...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

I addressed this in my post - it meant a lot to him and did not mean a lot to me. Neither name was exciting, rare, hard to pronounce, hard to spell, any of the factors that make one choose one over the other. Unlike some of the other posters, keeping my name was partly political for me, not just preference or inertia, but that doesn't mean I have to draw a bloody line in the sand over every discussion and turn every decision in my marriage into a political test of wills. This whole "if you were enough of a feminist to keep your name, why didn't you give the kids your name too" reminds me of people who think they've pulled a real gotcha when they find out you believe in climate change but also have taken an airplane vacation in the last decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name. I kept my maiden name. DH is the odd person in the house.

LOL, what a cuck.

I was thinking the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Because my name is my name that I have been using already. It is weird to change it. My kids had no names yet. I am not my kids. Therefore, it is fine to use the father's last name because that is the tradition.

You see what I did there? I made a choice about not following one aspect of tradition but accepting another. It is easy to do when your mind is flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated there are so many men who are stupid and weak enough to permit their wives to keep their maiden names or make up some stupid name that's not their husband's last name. Just say, "take my last name or we don't get married," and she can make her choice, you're good either way.

Yes, please do this. Preferably early on in the relationship so she knows what she's dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help me understand why most women who choose not to change their names when they get married still choose to give their children their husband's last name? It just seems like if you choose to give up an old tradition of taking your husband's last name, why would you choose your husband's last name for your children? I'm not criticizing. Really. I'm just trying to understand...

I have never understood refusing to take your husband’s last name as you s have a man’s name as your surname.

My surname is my name in the same way that my first name is my name. Once it was given to me when I was born, it became mine. It's the name I had for 30 years before I married dh. Why should I change it?

The protocol of naming infants is far more patriarchal than women changing their name as an adult. Defaulting to the man's last name for children is PARTICULARLY unfair if a couple with two different last names. and middle names don't count. No one knows or cares what people's middle names are.

On a side note, I think it's hysterical that a bunch of grown ass women are still holding on to their daddy's name like it was some kind of emblem of feminist power. Its so weird.

Prince was way more successful than ALL Y'ALL and he went by a SYMBOL for awhile. Get over yourself. Your career as a mid-level executive, or struggling academic, or non-profit/government G-whatever is not going to merit a chapter in a history book anytime soon, you don't have to be so self-important about your stupid name. Your identity is far deeper and more complex than your place in the alphabet. Please, stop making this a "thing" that is supposed to matter.

Hahaha - I think you're rather proving our point. Names are stupid. We're not going to merit a chapter in a history book. So it doesn't matter what my name is. Given that, I'll keep the one I grew up with and I'm used to. Because, you're right, no one's going to remember me after I'm gone.....so what I call myself doesn't matter. For that matter, maybe dh should change his last name to mine because...names don't matter. Pp said it and I believe it. Oh pp, you just owned yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our children have my name. I kept my maiden name. DH is the odd person in the house.

LOL, what a cuck.

I was thinking the same thing.

Obviously her husband isn't anywhere near as insecure as you are, pps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Oh I think you do care. And it doesn't seem strange to me at all. But then as they say, consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Oh I think you do care. And it doesn't seem strange to me at all. But then as they say, consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

You are so defensive. You’re right. It’s not strange because most people do it (follow tradition) but it’s strange that so few people seem to question the tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

I addressed this in my post - it meant a lot to him and did not mean a lot to me. Neither name was exciting, rare, hard to pronounce, hard to spell, any of the factors that make one choose one over the other. Unlike some of the other posters, keeping my name was partly political for me, not just preference or inertia, but that doesn't mean I have to draw a bloody line in the sand over every discussion and turn every decision in my marriage into a political test of wills. This whole "if you were enough of a feminist to keep your name, why didn't you give the kids your name too" reminds me of people who think they've pulled a real gotcha when they find out you believe in climate change but also have taken an airplane vacation in the last decade.

Im not saying you’re not a feminist bc your kids have your husbands name. That’s absurd. Im a feminist and my kids have my husbands name too. I’m saying it’s strange that more people (including me!) don’t question this particular tradition and are so defensive of their choice to give kids dad’s name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

Oh I think you do care. And it doesn't seem strange to me at all. But then as they say, consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

You are so defensive. You’re right. It’s not strange because most people do it (follow tradition) but it’s strange that so few people seem to question the tradition.

Not defensive at all. Just amused that someone thinks I should follow an arbitrary standard because they think it’s rational rather than me doing what I’m comfortable with. As a feminist I think people should do what they’re comfortable with in this matter as opposed to obsessing about whether all their social, political, and cultural ducks are in a row.

[Anonymous]

I kept my last name because DH and I worked for the same employee and I already had a graduate degree in my own name.

One of my divorced co-workers gave me a hard time; when I pointed out her children had a different last name than she did because of her numerous divorces, she never said anything else. Dh and I are still married 25 years later.

[Anonymous]

Employee should be employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

You obviously care QUITE A LOT, Karen. Sorry it’s an extra 5 seconds of work to address Christmas cards to us! Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my maiden name because I was well established career-wise and my last name was part of my identity. Those reasons didn’t apply to my children.

+1
I’m a journalist so my name was my byline. Also we’re mixed race and kids have Anglo first names. I wanted to keep my ident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not critical nor do I care what other people choose to do. But it is interesting that though I know lots of women who didn’t take their husband’s last name, I do not know a single child who has their mother’s maiden name as their surname.

For everyone saying some version of “I kept my name bc it was my identity but my children were blank slates” why does it follow that you would then give your children your husband’s name? Just because they’re a blank slate, they get their dad’s name instead of their mom’s because...?

Like I said, I really don’t care. But it does seem a little strange.

You obviously care QUITE A LOT, Karen. Sorry it’s an extra 5 seconds of work to address Christmas cards to us! Get a job.

What on earth? I’m advocating people using the moms name for their kids which would be the same amount of effort when addressing Christmas cards as it would be if the kids have their dads name and mom has her maiden name. What’s your point anyway? Also, I have a job. Thanks