Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your mother didn’t retire. She just stopped working.

Define "retired". If she waited 4 more years and stopped working at 62 would that officially count as being retired or would she have to work until she was 67 to officially retire?

As far as I'm concerned you are officially retired when you stop working and begin drawing on your retirement accounts.

In contrast, I quit working at the age of 34 to be a SAHM. I have not touched the 401K money nor the pension that I earned before I quit. I am also not collecting any social security or disability income. I am 53 now and am considering returning to work at an age when lots of people, like Op's mom, are starting to think about retirement.

I would mainly be using my paycheck to pay for a housekeeper and yard work. The rest would go into savings to use later once I officially am retired.

Technically, if you were a SAHM you were doing the work of taking care of your children, so I wouldn’t say you had quit working. You were no longer getting a paycheck, but you were definitely engaged in doing work that needed to be done.

Oh, absolutely, my time at home has been very well spent and I have never once regretted staying at home. It was absolutely the right decision for my me and my family By quitting work, I simply meant quitting my paid job.

If I do get a job now, I will work until dh and I both feel ready to retire which, I'm pretty sure, would be in less than 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your mother didn’t retire. She just stopped working.

Define "retired". If she waited 4 more years and stopped working at 62 would that officially count as being retired or would she have to work until she was 67 to officially retire?

As far as I'm concerned you are officially retired when you stop working and begin drawing on your retirement accounts.

In contrast, I quit working at the age of 34 to be a SAHM. I have not touched the 401K money nor the pension that I earned before I quit. I am also not collecting any social security or disability income. I am 53 now and am considering returning to work at an age when lots of people, like Op's mom, are starting to think about retirement.

I would mainly be using my paycheck to pay for a housekeeper and yard work. The rest would go into savings to use later once I officially am retired.

???

Not sure what the question is. In my view, Op's mom could certainly be considered retired. She's worked hard, raised two kids and if she wants to retire a few years early who could blame her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your mother didn’t retire. She just stopped working.

Define "retired". If she waited 4 more years and stopped working at 62 would that officially count as being retired or would she have to work until she was 67 to officially retire?

As far as I'm concerned you are officially retired when you stop working and begin drawing on your retirement accounts.

In contrast, I quit working at the age of 34 to be a SAHM. I have not touched the 401K money nor the pension that I earned before I quit. I am also not collecting any social security or disability income. I am 53 now and am considering returning to work at an age when lots of people, like Op's mom, are starting to think about retirement.

I would mainly be using my paycheck to pay for a housekeeper and yard work. The rest would go into savings to use later once I officially am retired.

???

Not sure what the question is. In my view, Op's mom could certainly be considered retired. She's worked hard, raised two kids and if she wants to retire a few years early who could blame her.

i think the concern is does OP's mom have sufficient funds to retire as OP does not appear to be in a position to cover her mom's expenses. If the mom is no longer working and is drawing on whatever money she has in her accounts, then she is "retired." Your situation doesn't seem germane - while you were a SAHM, you must've still been married or had some other means of support. OP's mom just doesn't have another means of support so not working = retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your mother didn’t retire. She just stopped working.

Define "retired". If she waited 4 more years and stopped working at 62 would that officially count as being retired or would she have to work until she was 67 to officially retire?

As far as I'm concerned you are officially retired when you stop working and begin drawing on your retirement accounts.

In contrast, I quit working at the age of 34 to be a SAHM. I have not touched the 401K money nor the pension that I earned before I quit. I am also not collecting any social security or disability income. I am 53 now and am considering returning to work at an age when lots of people, like Op's mom, are starting to think about retirement.

I would mainly be using my paycheck to pay for a housekeeper and yard work. The rest would go into savings to use later once I officially am retired.

???

Not sure what the question is. In my view, Op's mom could certainly be considered retired. She's worked hard, raised two kids and if she wants to retire a few years early who could blame her.

i think the concern is does OP's mom have sufficient funds to retire as OP does not appear to be in a position to cover her mom's expenses. If the mom is no longer working and is drawing on whatever money she has in her accounts, then she is "retired." Your situation doesn't seem germane - while you were a SAHM, you must've still been married or had some other means of support. OP's mom just doesn't have another means of support so not working = retired.

Actually, I agree with you. I quit work to SAH while my husband worked at his job - I was not retired at 34 and I am not retired now at 53. My husband is working and earning our household income. When he retires, we will both be retired because we will begin to withdraw from our retirement accounts at that point.

Op's mom, on the other hand, has worked for decades and has decided to retire early. She is retired. She may have very little money in retirement, but she is retired. And, no, it is not Op's job to support her mom. That's her mom's job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American culture is so strange. Grandparents refuse to help out with grandchildren, adult children refuse to help support aging parents. I was born and raised here, but it's such a strange comparison to other cultures where family members are expected to help each other.

It's because of how parents raise children here. I'm an Eastern European (not born here) married to an American. The way my husband was raised, I can only call mild neglect - he was sheltered and fed, but as a baby he was stuck in daycare (my own kids are in daycare, but in his case it was often overnight daycare so his parents could socialize). Starting with elementary school, he was a latchkey kid while parents built careers and lived their best lives. He ate dinner alone most nights unless friends' parents took pity on him. And I'm not talking about people who were working day and night trying to make ends meet, I'm talking about people who left early by choice to go to the gym, and came home late because they stopped for dinner or drinks with friends, leaving their elementary schooler at home alone to heat up frozen processed meals. He was made to move out at 18, worked full time and went to school full time, and got zero help from them - he lived on ketchup on bread at times.

DCUM would say, his parents didn't owe him anything, he was an adult and needed to pay his own way. But now that his parents are old, they expect love and support and a close bond. Where exactly is that bond supposed to come from, magic?

That is not "how parents raise children here." That is neglect. Not mild neglect; neglect. And it is specific to your DH, not common among American families.

+1

Wtf is “overnight daycare”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is “overnight daycare??”

I didn’t know that this existed but didn’t you read about a fire at a house in PA where several kids died recently? There are places that offer overnight daycare for families that work the night shift. I would imagine PP’s husband’s family lived in such a town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “overnight daycare??”

I didn’t know that this existed but didn’t you read about a fire at a house in PA where several kids died recently? There are places that offer overnight daycare for families that work the night shift. I would imagine PP’s husband’s family lived in such a town.

I did not read about that fire, but very sad. our town is starting an overnight daycare in the local rec center. so impressed by the town rec director for driving this vision forward. so many working families need such assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “overnight daycare??”

I didn’t know that this existed but didn’t you read about a fire at a house in PA where several kids died recently? There are places that offer overnight daycare for families that work the night shift. I would imagine PP’s husband’s family lived in such a town.

I did not read about that fire, but very sad. our town is starting an overnight daycare in the local rec center. so impressed by the town rec director for driving this vision forward. so many working families need such assistance.

What's to prevent a parent from sending their child to school during the day and then right on over to the rec center at night? I understand how a parent who literally works at night may have no other choice than to do that but I would hope that this service isn't going to be abused by parents wanting a date night/overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “overnight daycare??”

I didn’t know that this existed but didn’t you read about a fire at a house in PA where several kids died recently? There are places that offer overnight daycare for families that work the night shift. I would imagine PP’s husband’s family lived in such a town.

I did not read about that fire, but very sad. our town is starting an overnight daycare in the local rec center. so impressed by the town rec director for driving this vision forward. so many working families need such assistance.

What's to prevent a parent from sending their child to school during the day and then right on over to the rec center at night? I understand how a parent who literally works at night may have no other choice than to do that but I would hope that this service isn't going to be abused by parents wanting a date night/overnight.

if only those parents had such possibilities. there may be abuse, but that is really the least of the concerns. they want to avoid having children in unsafe situations during night time hours. if every 15th parent scams for an overnight, so be it.