Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

[Anonymous]

I’m making this all about me, but I’m worried.

When I was a kid, my mother was a successful professional. Somewhere around the time she was 45, things seemed to falter (I understand she may have burned many bridges). She last held a professional position about five years ago, and has since been intermittently underemployed. She’s decided t cash it on what she was able to invest for retirement, and I’m not sure how this is going to work. (It doesn’t sound like much.)

She lives with her partner, who’s a fed. They’re not married, but they do own a house together. I’m afraid that if that relationship goes south, she’ll be destitute, and I’ll be responsible for her upkeep. She’s in good health and is totally capable. Is there anything I can say or do to have her reconsider? Even some consulting work for the next ten years would be preferable to her deciding not to work anymore.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

People can and do retire at 58, or much younger.

However, it seems you are afraid that your mother does not have enough to retire on considering her potential lifespan.

You are further concerned that she might not have the best judgement and may not have had for the past few years.

Well, apart from recommending a financial advisor, and urging her to do the math, I'm not sure you can do anything.

[Anonymous]

You can share some general information about financial challenges that early retirees often encounter, such as health care costs., and ask her in a non-judgmental way if she thinks she has enough saved to take care of herself if she lives to be 95 and/or the partner is out of the picture.

Specifically trying to talk your mother out of retiring because you're worried about supporting her financially, when she apparently has never raised that possibility with you, seems like a non-starter.

[Anonymous]

What is she doing for healthcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

[Anonymous]

My mom retired about that age. She has fed health insurance though. She has maybe $2m now at 72. She says if I spend it all, then you’ll take care of me. I tell her, no, you’ll just live (poorly) on what you bring in each month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom retired about that age. She has fed health insurance though. She has maybe $2m now at 72. She says if I spend it all, then you’ll take care of me. I tell her, no, you’ll just live (poorly) on what you bring in each month.

My mother definitely doesn’t have that kind of money accrued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this is my mother too. She was a quasi-successful professional when I was a kid. Corporate law and then in house. Far from a superstar, but had a job that paid well and specific bankable expertise.

When I got to HSish age, she started her own practice — I still don’t know if she got forced out or just didn’t like the grind/had plenty of money from child support (I think the latter). She did OK and had plenty of child support and savings and owned our home, so not negative cash flow at least.

When I was just post-college, she decided to switch careers entirely and go back to school. One possible career path of new degree was related to law (how she justified it), while another wasn’t at all (what I think her real plan was). She spent a fair amount to go back for this new multi year degree, graduated with honors from a pretty good school... but was ultimately a 60 year old in school/competition for jobs with 20 and 30 somethings. She applied for some dream jobs afterwards but didn’t actually apply for the kind of job she had an actual chance of getting. Just never bothered. So essentially retired... but even worse than OP, retire after spend $100K on a totally unnecessary degree.

Anyway, I doubt OP is a troll and I think she’s right to be concerned.

Now she complains about money all the time and is burning through her savings. DH and I do pretty well, but are Feds with multiple kids, expensive child care and a large mortgage .. no way we can cover her bizarro decisions. At least she finally reached social security age. It was all so badly thought out though... and, on top of everything else, I think she’s now bored and bitter. Not that she offers childcare help to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.

If she’s on Medicaid, then she’s very poor. You could encourage her to marry her partner and get on their health insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.

If she’s on Medicaid, then she’s very poor. You could encourage her to marry her partner and get on their health insurance.

Part of why I’m concerned is because they’re not married, but my mother is convinced they’ll be together forever. (In addition to his federal job, he has full military retirement and benefits). For a woman who raised me to be financially independent, I don’t know why she now thinks the man is the plan.

[Anonymous]

This sounds a lot like my FIL. Burned bridges, left a stable job in a huff. Was just stubborn in his old age and didn’t think he should have to listen to anyone. Now runs his own business and barely covers his lavish lifestyle (think McMansion and Lexus). Engages in a lot of magical thinking about the future. Not sure if it’s being a boomer or just being a certain age or what but it stresses me the hell out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is my mother too. She was a quasi-successful professional when I was a kid. Corporate law and then in house. Far from a superstar, but had a job that paid well and specific bankable expertise.

When I got to HSish age, she started her own practice — I still don’t know if she got forced out or just didn’t like the grind/had plenty of money from child support (I think the latter). She did OK and had plenty of child support and savings and owned our home, so not negative cash flow at least.

When I was just post-college, she decided to switch careers entirely and go back to school. One possible career path of new degree was related to law (how she justified it), while another wasn’t at all (what I think her real plan was). She spent a fair amount to go back for this new multi year degree, graduated with honors from a pretty good school... but was ultimately a 60 year old in school/competition for jobs with 20 and 30 somethings. She applied for some dream jobs afterwards but didn’t actually apply for the kind of job she had an actual chance of getting. Just never bothered. So essentially retired... but even worse than OP, retire after spend $100K on a totally unnecessary degree.

Anyway, I doubt OP is a troll and I think she’s right to be concerned.

Now she complains about money all the time and is burning through her savings. DH and I do pretty well, but are Feds with multiple kids, expensive child care and a large mortgage .. no way we can cover her bizarro decisions. At least she finally reached social security age. It was all so badly thought out though... and, on top of everything else, I think she’s no
w bored and bitter. Not that she offers childcare help to us.

Dp. Why do you think your mother owes you childcare? They are your kids yo raise and it doesn't sound very appealing after raising your own kids. Would you ever think of asking or asuming a man would want to raise your kids? Assuming your swap genders in your story. It says a lot about how little you value your mom's time.