Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

[Anonymous]

This thread does seem to be more about bashing young retirees, than about facts. The Op has no facts. No facts, just worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is my mother too. She was a quasi-successful professional when I was a kid. Corporate law and then in house. Far from a superstar, but had a job that paid well and specific bankable expertise.

When I got to HSish age, she started her own practice — I still don’t know if she got forced out or just didn’t like the grind/had plenty of money from child support (I think the latter). She did OK and had plenty of child support and savings and owned our home, so not negative cash flow at least.

When I was just post-college, she decided to switch careers entirely and go back to school. One possible career path of new degree was related to law (how she justified it), while another wasn’t at all (what I think her real plan was). She spent a fair amount to go back for this new multi year degree, graduated with honors from a pretty good school... but was ultimately a 60 year old in school/competition for jobs with 20 and 30 somethings. She applied for some dream jobs afterwards but didn’t actually apply for the kind of job she had an actual chance of getting. Just never bothered. So essentially retired... but even worse than OP, retire after spend $100K on a totally unnecessary degree.

Anyway, I doubt OP is a troll and I think she’s right to be concerned.

Now she complains about money all the time and is burning through her savings. DH and I do pretty well, but are Feds with multiple kids, expensive child care and a large mortgage .. no way we can cover her bizarro decisions. At least she finally reached social security age. It was all so badly thought out though... and, on top of everything else, I think she’s now bored and bitter. Not that she offers childcare help to us.

It’s posts like this that make me realize I need to be far less generous to my sons.

Yes! Save for your retirement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m making this all about me, but I’m worried.

When I was a kid, my mother was a successful professional. Somewhere around the time she was 45, things seemed to falter (I understand she may have burned many bridges). She last held a professional position about five years ago, and has since been intermittently underemployed. She’s decided t cash it on what she was able to invest for retirement, and I’m not sure how this is going to work. (It doesn’t sound like much.)

She lives with her partner, who’s a fed. They’re not married, but they do own a house together. I’m afraid that if that relationship goes south, she’ll be destitute, and I’ll be responsible for her upkeep. She’s in good health and is totally capable. Is there anything I can say or do to have her reconsider? Even some consulting work for the next ten years would be preferable to her deciding not to work anymore.

Thoughts?

She's made bad choices but it's not too late. OP I would pull up their title from the county to see whose name is on the home. You might have to pay a fee. If it's right of survivor-ship it automatically transfers to the other owner. Do they have it in trust...or what? If she isn't protected and this man doesn't want to get married then she's wasting her time.

I would find a good time to tell her of your concerns. Do it in a way she knows you're concerned about her future. Also, I would try and convince her to find something f/t and sock it away. Ask her point blank what her and her partners estate plans are. Will she be covered if he dies?? Maybe he has her as a beneficiary and she'll be just fine.

If none of it sounds good then you'd better get a spare room ready at some point.

[Anonymous]

Clearly your mother did many things right, as well as some things that didn't pan out. To me you come across judgmental and harsh. I do think it's appropriate for you to broach the subject with her and ask her what her plans are and how she see the next chapter of her life playing out. You can also be upfront about the kind of support you can provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ my dad retired at 62 after 37 years with the Feds and had a beautiful retirement—tons of time with grandkids, LOTS of travel, socializing, before he died from cancer at 76. I am so glad he had a happy retirement.

Unfortunately, people born my age need to reach 67 before full retirement even though life expectancy is not increasing. In fact, now it is starting to stagnate, to downturn with more cancer deaths early on.

I plan to also be out the door by 62 which will also be 37 years for me. MORE THAN ENOUGH!! 37 years of 9-5pm is enough for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ my dad retired at 62 after 37 years with the Feds and had a beautiful retirement—tons of time with grandkids, LOTS of travel, socializing, before he died from cancer at 76. I am so glad he had a happy retirement.

Unfortunately, people born my age need to reach 67 before full retirement even though life expectancy is not increasing. In fact, now it is starting to stagnate, to downturn with more cancer deaths early on.

I plan to also be out the door by 62 which will also be 37 years for me. MORE THAN ENOUGH!! 37 years of 9-5pm is enough for anyone.

I will have 30 years w/ Feds at 55. I will try to hold on as long as I can--but anything past that age I also agree is too much. Time to switch gears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m making this all about me, but I’m worried.

When I was a kid, my mother was a successful professional. Somewhere around the time she was 45, things seemed to falter (I understand she may have burned many bridges). She last held a professional position about five years ago, and has since been intermittently underemployed. She’s decided t cash it on what she was able to invest for retirement, and I’m not sure how this is going to work. (It doesn’t sound like much.)

She lives with her partner, who’s a fed. They’re not married, but they do own a house together. I’m afraid that if that relationship goes south, she’ll be destitute, and I’ll be responsible for her upkeep. She’s in good health and is totally capable. Is there anything I can say or do to have her reconsider? Even some consulting work for the next ten years would be preferable to her deciding not to work anymore.

Thoughts?

She's made bad choices but it's not too late. OP I would pull up their title from the county to see whose name is on the home. You might have to pay a fee. If it's right of survivor-ship it automatically transfers to the other owner. Do they have it in trust...or what? If she isn't protected and this man doesn't want to get married then she's wasting her time.

I would find a good time to tell her of your concerns. Do it in a way she knows you're concerned about her future. Also, I would try and convince her to find something f/t and sock it away. Ask her point blank what her and her partners estate plans are. Will she be covered if he dies?? Maybe he has her as a beneficiary and she'll be just fine.

If none of it sounds good then you'd better get a spare room ready at some point.

The woman is 58 and not that long ago she was the breadwinner with a responsible career while raising her two children as a single mother. If she managed to keep a roof over her head then, I would imagine that she has a clue as to what it takes to keep a roof over her head now.

She is very young to have a 35 year old daughter already - that is true. My own youngest won't graduate HS until I'm 55 and then there will be 4 years of college...

Honestly, I would talk to your mom and see what her game plan is. It is o.k. to tell her that you will not be able to help her out financially either now or in the foreseeable future. You have your own retirement to save for, your own children to raise and your own marriage to nurture first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is my mother too. She was a quasi-successful professional when I was a kid. Corporate law and then in house. Far from a superstar, but had a job that paid well and specific bankable expertise.

When I got to HSish age, she started her own practice — I still don’t know if she got forced out or just didn’t like the grind/had plenty of money from child support (I think the latter). She did OK and had plenty of child support and savings and owned our home, so not negative cash flow at least.

When I was just post-college, she decided to switch careers entirely and go back to school. One possible career path of new degree was related to law (how she justified it), while another wasn’t at all (what I think her real plan was). She spent a fair amount to go back for this new multi year degree, graduated with honors from a pretty good school... but was ultimately a 60 year old in school/competition for jobs with 20 and 30 somethings. She applied for some dream jobs afterwards but didn’t actually apply for the kind of job she had an actual chance of getting. Just never bothered. So essentially retired... but even worse than OP, retire after spend $100K on a totally unnecessary degree.

Anyway, I doubt OP is a troll and I think she’s right to be concerned.

Now she complains about money all the time and is burning through her savings. DH and I do pretty well, but are Feds with multiple kids, expensive child care and a large mortgage .. no way we can cover her bizarro decisions. At least she finally reached social security age. It was all so badly thought out though... and, on top of everything else, I think she’s now bored and bitter. Not that she offers childcare help to us.

It’s posts like this that make me realize I need to be far less generous to my sons.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is my mother too. She was a quasi-successful professional when I was a kid. Corporate law and then in house. Far from a superstar, but had a job that paid well and specific bankable expertise.

When I got to HSish age, she started her own practice — I still don’t know if she got forced out or just didn’t like the grind/had plenty of money from child support (I think the latter). She did OK and had plenty of child support and savings and owned our home, so not negative cash flow at least.

When I was just post-college, she decided to switch careers entirely and go back to school. One possible career path of new degree was related to law (how she justified it), while another wasn’t at all (what I think her real plan was). She spent a fair amount to go back for this new multi year degree, graduated with honors from a pretty good school... but was ultimately a 60 year old in school/competition for jobs with 20 and 30 somethings. She applied for some dream jobs afterwards but didn’t actually apply for the kind of job she had an actual chance of getting. Just never bothered. So essentially retired... but even worse than OP, retire after spend $100K on a totally unnecessary degree.

Anyway, I doubt OP is a troll and I think she’s right to be concerned.

Now she complains about money all the time and is burning through her savings. DH and I do pretty well, but are Feds with multiple kids, expensive child care and a large mortgage .. no way we can cover her bizarro decisions. At least she finally reached social security age. It was all so badly thought out though... and, on top of everything else, I think she’s now bored and bitter. Not that she offers childcare help to us.

It’s posts like this that make me realize I need to be far less generous to my sons.

Why?

If she is handing her money out to her kids like it's candy with the notion that she will be moving in with them once her own well runs dry....and they don't agree with that....maybe it would be better to for her to care of her own financial security first and give her grown kids money ONLY if she can afford to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ my dad retired at 62 after 37 years with the Feds and had a beautiful retirement—tons of time with grandkids, LOTS of travel, socializing, before he died from cancer at 76. I am so glad he had a happy retirement.

Unfortunately, people born my age need to reach 67 before full retirement even though life expectancy is not increasing. In fact, now it is starting to stagnate, to downturn with more cancer deaths early on.

I plan to also be out the door by 62 which will also be 37 years for me. MORE THAN ENOUGH!! 37 years of 9-5pm is enough for anyone.

I will have 30 years w/ Feds at 55. I will try to hold on as long as I can--but anything past that age I also agree is too much. Time to switch gears.

will you retire at 55? or pivot to a new job? have a number of friends who've done latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counting the days!!!

Good for your Mom. I’m 49.5 and started my career at 22, going to grad school nights. That is 27 years so far and damn does it become pure drudgery as you approach h the 14-30 year+ mark. The thought that I would need to work until 67 to receive full retirement benefits is gut wrenching. I don’t plan to go more than 37 years. 62 tops. More people I know are dying of cancer in their 50s/60s without time to ever have a true retirement.

will you draw down social security right away or hold off? are you married? own? have children? if so, ages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!

If you work part time, you aren't retired.

[Anonymous]

The only issue here, or for anyone, is whether or not they can afford it. Some posts here about people's early retirement plans are irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom "retired" at 43 after working for 20 years (I was out of college by then) - then went on to work at odd jobs/seasonal work until 55 and then stopped entirely. She has insurance through Medicare now (she's over 65), a small annuity from her deceased husband, and long-term-care insurance. She lives with another man that she's known for many, many years in a little house with few expenses. At one point years ago I grew concerned, like you, mostly because she seemed to be stressing about finances (due to her current husband who is a bit of a spender). I sat down with her and went over ALL of her finances - how much she has in savings, annuity, her mortgage etc. That made both of us feel much better, and perhaps might help you, too. She doesn't have a big life (no extravagant vacations, gifts, and I don't expect to get any inheritance), but she enjoys the life she has. Further, if she had worked, she would have been unhappy, depressed, and anxiety-ridden due to a combination of factors. She's much better off. She is within driving distance and comes to watch the kids when we need her to do so - she is actively involved in our lives, and she is happy and relatively healthy (more than most almost 70-yr-old grandmas). I, too, plan on retiring "early" at 59 1/2 - I will have fed insurance, etc. and my husband will still work (he tolerates work stress better than I do). Life is too short to be driven crazy by work. Retire, live happily, enjoy the family, and enjoy the world while you can.

Too bad the 20 years your mom worked were the important ones with kids. She would have been better off working from 40-60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ my dad retired at 62 after 37 years with the Feds and had a beautiful retirement—tons of time with grandkids, LOTS of travel, socializing, before he died from cancer at 76. I am so glad he had a happy retirement.

Unfortunately, people born my age need to reach 67 before full retirement even though life expectancy is not increasing. In fact, now it is starting to stagnate, to downturn with more cancer deaths early on.

I plan to also be out the door by 62 which will also be 37 years for me. MORE THAN ENOUGH!! 37 years of 9-5pm is enough for anyone.

You can save more, why wait for "full retirement ". You can retire early.