Mother has decided to “retire” at 58

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to say that my mom did this too--low level fed job that she left because she just didn't feel like working anymore. She had no money and no partner either. She told my sister that we siblings were her retirement plan. As if. In my mom's case once she stopped working she had no idea how to spend her time. Her way of getting out of the house was to go shopping and buy all kinds of crap she didn't need. When we moved her out of her house there was just so much cheap crap new with tags that she tossed in closets still in the original shopping bags. She did take a few trips but otherwise had no idea how to manage without a schedule. What about your mom OP? If she's not working she will be spending more money either for travel or self-improvement projects. You can't do anything though. It's been 15 years and my mom is out of money in a nursing home on Medicaid. I talked til I was blue in the face and it didn't make one bit of difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.

If she’s on Medicaid, then she’s very poor. You could encourage her to marry her partner and get on their health insurance.

Part of why I’m concerned is because they’re not married, but my mother is convinced they’ll be together forever. (In addition to his federal job, he has full military retirement and benefits). For a woman who raised me to be financially independent, I don’t know why she now thinks the man is the plan.

Because the benefit of being in a stable relationship is that when one is down the other can balance you and vice versa. No one really has to do it all or go it alone in this world.

[Anonymous]

I'm 58 (but not retiring yet). If she was a successful professional for 25 years she should have decent savings, even if its 401k plus an employer match. However the health care could be very expensive. Is there any way you can talk with her about her assets and plans? If you think she's really on medicaid that means she's quite poor (income under $17,000). Can she downsize the house? Qualify for other assistance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing for healthcare?

She’s on Medicare (Medicaid?).

Not at 58.

and if Medicaid not likely she has the amount of assets she needs for retiring

OP here. Confused, then - I thought she was enrolled in one of these programs.

If she’s on Medicaid, then she’s very poor. You could encourage her to marry her partner and get on their health insurance.

Part of why I’m concerned is because they’re not married, but my mother is convinced they’ll be together forever. (In addition to his federal job, he has full military retirement and benefits). For a woman who raised me to be financially independent, I don’t know why she now thinks the man is the plan.

Because the benefit of being in a stable relationship is that when one is down the other can balance you and vice versa. No one really has to do it all or go it alone in this world.

OP here, and I understand that, but their not being married makes the situation seem more insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - tell us specifics re: how much money she has

- that's all that matters, the specifics
- you need to know the specifics, btw

I don’t know her accounts, but I do know she talks about not having money to spend on much of anything at all.

That really means nothing.

I have had people with two homes tell me they are broke and have no money.

You never know until you see a financial statement.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's not really working anyway. Just let her know that you do not feel you'd be able to support her, if that's the case. It's not really your responsibility to tell her what to do.

[Anonymous]

Dropping out of work early could be a warning sign of cognitive decline as well.

OP you’ll have to decide on your own boundaries as far as what you’re willing to do to help your mom if/when she needs it. That will be true whether she works for 10 more years or not.

Even when planning is good and family is capable and willing to help, this country is so f$&ed up that long term care can quickly lead to Some really hard choices.

[Anonymous]

If Mom's only 58, you must be really pretty young (I'm not much younger and my kids are in middle school). What is your current level of understanding of what it takes to retire (noting of course that you said you don't actually know your mom's financial details).

You are right that being married would give her far more protection with this guy though, especially with his military benefits. Maybe give your blessing?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like Mom worked in her professional career until her youngest child was successfully launched and then she dialed it back a notch. Now she's quitting work altogether.

You said that your 26 year old brother is still finding his way (which is not unusual at that age) could this be your Mom's way of telling him that he needs to figure it out on his own and that boomeranging back is not an option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!

Generations of wealthy early retirees, this is exactly what OP was thinking. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Medicare doesn't start until 65. She needs health insurance. So if for no other reason, she needs to stay employed for the next 7 years to get her there.

I had a relative up and retire, with no plan for health insurance, at age 60. She told me God was going to provide for her. In reality, she meant her daughter was going to support her.

[Anonymous]

My mom "retired" at 43 after working for 20 years (I was out of college by then) - then went on to work at odd jobs/seasonal work until 55 and then stopped entirely. She has insurance through Medicare now (she's over 65), a small annuity from her deceased husband, and long-term-care insurance. She lives with another man that she's known for many, many years in a little house with few expenses. At one point years ago I grew concerned, like you, mostly because she seemed to be stressing about finances (due to her current husband who is a bit of a spender). I sat down with her and went over ALL of her finances - how much she has in savings, annuity, her mortgage etc. That made both of us feel much better, and perhaps might help you, too. She doesn't have a big life (no extravagant vacations, gifts, and I don't expect to get any inheritance), but she enjoys the life she has. Further, if she had worked, she would have been unhappy, depressed, and anxiety-ridden due to a combination of factors. She's much better off. She is within driving distance and comes to watch the kids when we need her to do so - she is actively involved in our lives, and she is happy and relatively healthy (more than most almost 70-yr-old grandmas). I, too, plan on retiring "early" at 59 1/2 - I will have fed insurance, etc. and my husband will still work (he tolerates work stress better than I do). Life is too short to be driven crazy by work. Retire, live happily, enjoy the family, and enjoy the world while you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just chiming in to say that my mom did this too--low level fed job that she left because she just didn't feel like working anymore. She had no money and no partner either. She told my sister that we siblings were her retirement plan. As if. In my mom's case once she stopped working she had no idea how to spend her time. Her way of getting out of the house was to go shopping and buy all kinds of crap she didn't need. When we moved her out of her house there was just so much cheap crap new with tags that she tossed in closets still in the original shopping bags. She did take a few trips but otherwise had no idea how to manage without a schedule. What about your mom OP? If she's not working she will be spending more money either for travel or self-improvement projects. You can't do anything though. It's been 15 years and my mom is out of money in a nursing home on Medicaid. I talked til I was blue in the face and it didn't make one bit of difference.

If your mom is in a nursing home that would indicate that she has some rather significant health issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad retired at 55. My mom never worked. They are 75 and 78 now. Married 53 years. They have had a blast during their retirement years! My DH will retire in two years at 56. We will both likely work part time just because we enjoy it. But why would we choose to continue to work full time? Our kids are grown. We are going to travel, play, hike, sail, and just enjoy life!

Generations of wealthy early retirees, this is exactly what OP was thinking. Thanks!

It used to be fairly common for people to retire at 50 or 55. It's only been fairly recent that people have been expected to work until 65, 70, 75. By the time they stop working they have one foot in the grave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom retired about that age. She has fed health insurance though. She has maybe $2m now at 72. She says if I spend it all, then you’ll take care of me. I tell her, no, you’ll just live (poorly) on what you bring in each month.

Horrible daughter.