I think I regret having kids

[Anonymous]

I agree with a PP who said divorce and relinquishing all custody seems to be the only solution. Or maybe just very, very strong drugs for the next 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

+1. Anyone suffering with long-term regrets about raising children is most likely clinically depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown. I loved raising them, and am very proud of them. I never had a regret. It was a choice.

Funny how it's only the parents of grown kids expressing this sentiment. May we all be blessed with bad memories!

I have a four year old and a three week old and I love the experience so far. OF COURSE it's tough sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret the decision or resent the kids. It's also a whole lot of fun. I think it comes down to expectations. I didn't expect my life wouldn't change drastically.
i agree with the PP above - it was a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown. I loved raising them, and am very proud of them. I never had a regret. It was a choice.

Funny how it's only the parents of grown kids expressing this sentiment. May we all be blessed with bad memories!

I have a four year old and a three week old and I love the experience so far. OF COURSE it's tough sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret the decision or resent the kids. It's also a whole lot of fun. I think it comes down to expectations. I didn't expect my life wouldn't change drastically.
i agree with the PP above - it was a choice.

I knew having children would change my life drastically, but it turns out I’m not cut out to be a parent. Obviously had I known this I wouldn’t have had kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown. I loved raising them, and am very proud of them. I never had a regret. It was a choice.

Funny how it's only the parents of grown kids expressing this sentiment. May we all be blessed with bad memories!

I have a four year old and a three week old and I love the experience so far. OF COURSE it's tough sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret the decision or resent the kids. It's also a whole lot of fun. I think it comes down to expectations. I didn't expect my life wouldn't change drastically.
i agree with the PP above - it was a choice.

I knew having children would change my life drastically, but it turns out I’m not cut out to be a parent. Obviously had I known this I wouldn’t have had kids.

Why do you say that? Are you not fulfilling some socially imposed standard for "good" parenting, like spending absolutely all your time with kids and sacrificing all of your own needs?

Or are you providing a safe, nurturing environment (including food, shelter and affection) to your kids? If so, you're doing great. There is no single best way to parent and the modern American trend of "competitive parenting" is full of BS standards and advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown. I loved raising them, and am very proud of them. I never had a regret. It was a choice.

Funny how it's only the parents of grown kids expressing this sentiment. May we all be blessed with bad memories!

I have a four year old and a three week old and I love the experience so far. OF COURSE it's tough sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret the decision or resent the kids. It's also a whole lot of fun. I think it comes down to expectations. I didn't expect my life wouldn't change drastically.
i agree with the PP above - it was a choice.

I knew having children would change my life drastically, but it turns out I’m not cut out to be a parent. Obviously had I known this I wouldn’t have had kids.

Why do you say that? Are you not fulfilling some socially imposed standard for "good" parenting, like spending absolutely all your time with kids and sacrificing all of your own needs?

Or are you providing a safe, nurturing environment (including food, shelter and affection) to your kids? If so, you're doing great. There is no single best way to parent and the modern American trend of "competitive parenting" is full of BS standards and advice.

I’m majorly lacking in the nurturing aspect. I love them and show lots of affection but they are so challenging and I frequently snap at them. I’m probably not a particularly secure attachment for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking yesterday that I can’t wait to be an empty nester and get what remains of my life back. No career, destroyed body, aged face, all decisions revolving around them. I would do things differently if I could.

Same. I am literally counting down the years until my oldest is out of the house for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, one of whom is a very difficult child. There are times when I experience what I feel is regret, but when I really think about it, I realize it's not my children themselves whom I regret, but rather the situation. There are definitely times when I wonder what the heck I've done by having kids, but I don't think that's regret. I have regrets around how I handled some things or situations for sure.

This exactly. I have a difficult one too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking yesterday that I can’t wait to be an empty nester and get what remains of my life back. No career, destroyed body, aged face, all decisions revolving around them. I would do things differently if I could.

Same. I am literally counting down the years until my oldest is out of the house for college.

To be fair a lot of women blame things on kids.

Career - don’t quit. Work hard. Continue to be promoted

Aged face - get Botox , fillers

Destroyed body - lose weight.

All decisions - this is true. However you can still hire a sitter and get out of the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just thinking yesterday that I can’t wait to be an empty nester and get what remains of my life back. No career, destroyed body, aged face, all decisions revolving around them. I would do things differently if I could.

Same. I am literally counting down the years until my oldest is out of the house for college.

To be fair a lot of women blame things on kids.

Career - don’t quit. Work hard. Continue to be promoted

Aged face - get Botox , fillers

Destroyed body - lose weight.

All decisions - this is true. However you can still hire a sitter and get out of the house

Couldn’t keep working as my son had special needs. Can’t afford Botox or fillers, as we are barely able to pay for monthly expenses. Which also means we don’t hire sitters or get out of the house much. Working out doesn’t help my recti diastasis. I need a tummy tuck for that, but see the money issues I mentioned above. So shut up and go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are grown. I loved raising them, and am very proud of them. I never had a regret. It was a choice.

Funny how it's only the parents of grown kids expressing this sentiment. May we all be blessed with bad memories!

I have a four year old and a three week old and I love the experience so far. OF COURSE it's tough sometimes but it doesn't mean I regret the decision or resent the kids. It's also a whole lot of fun. I think it comes down to expectations. I didn't expect my life wouldn't change drastically.
i agree with the PP above - it was a choice.

I knew having children would change my life drastically, but it turns out I’m not cut out to be a parent. Obviously had I known this I wouldn’t have had kids.

Why do you say that? Are you not fulfilling some socially imposed standard for "good" parenting, like spending absolutely all your time with kids and sacrificing all of your own needs?

Or are you providing a safe, nurturing environment (including food, shelter and affection) to your kids? If so, you're doing great. There is no single best way to parent and the modern American trend of "competitive parenting" is full of BS standards and advice.

I’m majorly lacking in the nurturing aspect. I love them and show lots of affection but they are so challenging and I frequently snap at them. I’m probably not a particularly secure attachment for them.

NP and I think you should reconsider this. If your kids are misbehaving at home, they feel safe around you and will absolutely do their worst when you’re around. They know you love them, and that’s what they need for a secure attachment, along with just being there consistently to meet their needs. It sounds like you’re doing that, and that you (like all of us!) struggle sometimes and get frustrated. I’ve had my days of feeling like I’m not cut out to be a mom, but really I don’t know if anyone is cut out for today’s competitive mothering, and I think my kid will be just fine in the end which means I’m a “good enough” mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're in the worst phase. It will get better

This is what people told me as well when I had kids similar ages as you. The younger is 2.5 now and it’s only gotten harder. Maybe I won’t hate my life as much when they are like 7 and 10?

Really???? I disagree. In our case things were great once the second turned 2. They started playing together and being more independent and fun. It all changed when baby number 3 arrived. He is 4 months now and things are once again VERY HARD. I do know they get easier once everyone sleeps through the night and is able to voice their needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I do think it will get better for you once you’re sleeping again and the older one is past the dreaded 3-3.5 stage.

Agreed. I’m astonished at all the “you get very little in return” posters. Um, that’s not the point? Everything is not all about what you can get out of it. How incredibly selfish.

I can’t imagine a life of endless dining out, drinking, traveling, sleeping in. That would feel very empty and meaningless to me after a while.

Seriously? This sounds amazing.

+1 It's nice for a vacation but sounds like a pretty empty life to me.

Shocker! Other people may think differently than you.

We childless married couples do more than go out to eat, sleep in, drink and travel. We work in our communities to make the world a better place (while we sleep on the piles of money we saved from not having kids).

How exactly? Community service is nothing compared to the legacy of having children.

Oh honey, you really want to go there? Trust me, there are 1300 people a month who are better off for what I provide to my organization (not a worker but a donor who provides the facility rent-free) . Each month. For the past year and into the future until I die and will them the property. Can your DC claim that? I’m partially doing that because I don’t have children.

[Anonymous]

You will get thru this period. I love all the post. Just reading them is therapeutic! Enjoy the moments.