I think I regret having kids
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Anonymous
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I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old and it's just miserable. Somebody is melting down at all times. Today I realized we had a "good moment" and it lasted literally 5 minutes. I live for these 5 minute flashes of not being miserable. What kind of life is this? Look at this forum, it's just complaint after complaint. It's never ending. I think about the traveling, the sleeping, the eating, the drinking that my husband and I could be doing otherwise. The jobs we could have, the moves we could make, the freedom. And for what? Adult kids seem fun and all but like, I see my own mom 3x per year. That kind of pay off seems kind of pathetic in comparison to how much I've given my life up for these kids.
I love my kids to death and I am going to be the best mom to them I can be but honestly I can't say with certainty that I would go back and do it all over again. Thank god this is an anonymous forum. I'd never say this with my real name. |
Anonymous
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You are in a very hard stage right now. You’ll get past this. I was there and it was deep and dark. Get help if you think you have PpD. If not, then gratitude journal. Focus on the good.
Hugs, op. |
Anonymous
| Kids get a whole lot more fun. You have two shitty ages right now. Of course it’s hard. But they’ll both be cool little people eventually, I promise. |
Anonymous
| It’s OK – A toddler is fun and the baby is fine but a toddler and a baby together is brutal. It’ll be better with the three-year-old being four. |
Anonymous
| I regret having a kid. He's a cool person, but I could have had a career, lived where I actually WANT to live, had a more interesting life. Instead I've been putting one foot in front of the other for a decade, and its not worth it. |
Anonymous
| I have older elementary school age kids, OP and you're in the weeds of motherhood. Sometimes it hard to see out when your in the weeds but it definitely gets better. What helped me when they were that little is having a great group of mom friends, getting exercise several times a week and just letting some stuff go. If you can afford it, hire help, at least once in awhile, so you get a break, too. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| I have wondered about this OP. I am exhausted and we are in terrible financial shape because kids are expensive. You aren't alone. |
Anonymous
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Some children can adapt to their parents' lifestyle, and some parents need to adjust to their children's eating/sleeping/exercise needs. It sounds like for the moment, perhaps you need to adjust a little more to their needs. No one should be melting down every 5 minutes. I have literally never felt what you express (my oldest is a teen), and I'm pretty sure my parents never felt like this too. It's probably because we're an even-tempered bunch. One of my kids has special needs, and needed a lot of care when he was younger, but it wasn't a meltdown issue. Families with a lot of expressed emotion have kids that are the same way and it can get exhausting very quickly. Hang in there, it will get better rapidly! |
Anonymous
| Agree with a pp that yours are at tough ages. I remember not feeling settled back into life after our 2nd kid until the baby was closer to 6 months. Our #4 is 2 months and #3 is a young 3, and it’s tough at times but I know it will get better. When I see my kids play together, or gush over the baby, or be kind to one another, or if I see one of the older ones accomplish something (my 6 year old now loves to read and came downstairs telling me about the 3 chapters he just read), there’s no better feeling. While I’m missing out on DINK lifestyle stuff, I also feel like I would be bored with it at this point. I’ve also become a better and more patient person for having kids. It’s not all sunshine and roses but I do feel lucky to have my kids and to get to live this experience. |
Anonymous
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Big moments to look forward to:
When the youngest is out of diapers (it WILL happen!). When BOTH kids can get in and out of the car (including buckling and unbuckling) themselves. And the sweetest of all sweet spots: when both are in ES. At this point, both will still think you are pretty cool, and will be happy to see you. Enjoy it while it lasts, because next up is MS, which is TOUGH! They do find themselves, and become more interesting as high schoolers. |
Anonymous
| You're in the worst phase. It will get better |
Anonymous
| This will get easier. Hugs. |
Anonymous
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I am right there with an almost 3-yo and a 3 month old. Talk to your pediatrician. If the toddler is melting down multiple times per day, he need help. I’m doing play therapy with my older for 15 minutes a day, and things got SO much better within the first week. A pediatric therapist can get you started in one session. Also, call your GP about depression. Your life sounds overwhelming right now, and it’s okay to need a little help help. I’m rooting for you.
Here are some links to get you started. https://www.rebeccamgleedlmft.com/ https://www.mcfpsy.com/ https://socialskillscenter.com/ http://www.crossroadsfamilycounselingcenter.com/our-services/children-and-play-therapy/ |
Anonymous
Maybe her life plain sucks right now and it’s not depression? |
Anonymous
Yes I feel the same. I do love my child. There are some good moment but if I knew what I know now I would never have had kids. I don’t even like children. I never liked kids. It simply seemed like the next step and everyone said it was so wonderful having children. Didn’t want to miss out. The best part is how much effort I go through to try to recreate my previous life. Most of my day is spent counting down until someone takes a nap or goes to bed. I hate myself for not enjoying spending time with them. No, I’m not depressed. I’m perfectly happy when at work or out with friends. I simply dislike having children. |